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Definition of help out phrasal verb from the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary
- He's always willing to help out.
- When I bought the house, my sister helped me out with a loan.
- I was only trying to help out.
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The Oxford Learner’s Thesaurus explains the difference between groups of similar words. Try it for free as part of the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary app
Nearby words
- Help the Aged
Definition of 'help out'
Help out in american english, help out in british english, examples of 'help out' in a sentence help out, trends of help out.
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- help on with
- help oneself to
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- help pay for
- help rescue
- All ENGLISH words that begin with 'H'
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Help vs Help Out: What’s the difference?
In the journey of learning English, understanding the nuances between seemingly similar words is crucial. “Help” vs “help out” are two such terms that often perplex EFL/ESL learners. This guide aims to elucidate the distinctions between these verbs, complete with an array of example sentences.
Before delving into the differences, let’s establish a solid foundation for each verb:
The verb “help” refers to providing assistance, support, or aid to someone in completing a task or overcoming a challenge.
Example Sentences:
- She helped her friend study for the upcoming exam.
- He always helps his elderly neighbor carry groceries.
- The teacher helps students understand complex math problems.
The verb “help out” also means to assist, but with a specific emphasis on lending a hand or contributing support, often in a practical or hands-on manner.
- They helped out at the local food bank by packing meals for the needy.
- Could you help me out with moving the furniture?
- He regularly helps out with chores around the house.
Now, let’s explore the different scenarios where “help” vs “help out” are aptly used:
Using “Help”
- She offered to help her classmate with their English essay.
- The tutor helps students improve their language skills.
- He always helps his sister feel better after a tough day.
- Friends help each other through difficult times.
- The coach helps the athletes enhance their performance on the field.
- The online platform helps users learn new languages.
Using “Help Out”
- They helped out at the animal shelter by walking the dogs.
- Many people volunteered to help out during the community clean-up event.
- Can you help out with setting the table for dinner?
- She regularly helps out with gardening chores in her grandmother’s backyard.
- He’s always willing to help out with organizing fundraisers.
- Friends helped out by decorating the venue for the party.
Understanding the subtle differences between “help” and “help out” can prevent common errors :
- “Help” can encompass various forms of assistance, including advice or emotional support.
- “Help out” typically implies practical, hands-on aid.
- Use “help” with direct objects and infinitive verbs.
- Use “help out” when the action is more focused on contributing to a task or event.
To seamlessly integrate “help” vs “help out” into your conversations, consider these tips:
- Pay attention to the context of the situation to determine the appropriate verb.
- Think about whether the assistance provided is primarily practical or extends beyond advice.
Mastering the distinction between “help” vs “help out” empowers EFL/ESL learners to communicate effectively. By immersing yourself in the provided examples and understanding the nuanced applications, you’ll confidently navigate a wide range of scenarios. Elevate your language skills and become proficient in expressing assistance with precision and clarity!
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Home > Language and Grammar > The Distinction Between “Help” And “Help Out”
Language and Grammar
The Distinction Between “Help” And “Help Out”
Published: February 4, 2024
Written by: Amelie Tinker
Discover the nuances of language and grammar with a clear explanation of the difference between "help" and "help out" in this insightful article. Improve your understanding today!
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Table of Contents
Introduction, definition of "help" and "help out", usage of "help" and "help out" in different contexts, examples of "help" and "help out" in daily life, the impact of "help" and "help out" on relationships.
Understanding the nuances of language is crucial for effective communication. Even seemingly similar words can carry distinct connotations and implications. In the English language, the terms "help" and "help out" are often used interchangeably, but they possess subtle differences that can significantly impact the context in which they are employed. By delving into the distinctions between "help" and "help out," we can gain a deeper appreciation for the intricacies of language and how these nuances shape our interactions and relationships.
The usage of "help" and "help out" extends beyond mere linguistic semantics; it reflects the complex dynamics of human interactions. While both terms convey a sense of assistance or support, "help" tends to encompass a broader and more general scope, while "help out" carries a connotation of specific, hands-on involvement. These distinctions are not always explicitly articulated, but they subtly influence the tone and intent of communication.
In this article, we will explore the precise definitions of "help" and "help out" and delve into their respective applications across various contexts. By examining examples of their usage in daily life, we can elucidate the subtle yet impactful differences between these terms. Furthermore, we will consider the implications of using "help" and "help out" within the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, shedding light on how these words can shape perceptions and interactions.
By gaining a comprehensive understanding of the distinctions between "help" and "help out," we can navigate the intricacies of language with greater precision and sensitivity. This exploration will not only enrich our linguistic proficiency but also deepen our awareness of the subtle nuances that underpin our everyday interactions. Let us embark on this enlightening journey to unravel the distinct shades of meaning encapsulated within the seemingly interchangeable words "help" and "help out."
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The terms "help" and "help out" are often used interchangeably, yet they encompass subtle distinctions that influence their usage in various contexts. Understanding their precise definitions is essential in discerning their nuanced applications.
"Help"
The term "help" embodies the concept of providing assistance, support, or aid to someone in need. It conveys a sense of offering one's resources, expertise, or effort to alleviate a situation or facilitate a task. "Help" encompasses a broad spectrum of actions, ranging from offering guidance and advice to actively participating in a task or endeavor. It signifies a willingness to contribute to the betterment of a situation or the well-being of an individual.
"Help Out"
On the other hand, "help out" carries a more specific and hands-on connotation. It denotes actively engaging in a task or activity to provide assistance or support. The term "help out" implies a direct involvement in addressing a particular need or fulfilling a specific request for aid. Unlike "help," which can encompass a wide range of supportive actions, "help out" emphasizes the tangible and practical aspects of assistance, often involving physical participation or direct contribution.
In essence, while both "help" and "help out" convey the notion of aiding others, "help" encompasses a broader and more general scope, whereas "help out" emphasizes specific, hands-on involvement. These subtle distinctions influence how each term is employed in diverse situations, reflecting the nuanced dynamics of human interaction and communication.
By grasping the nuanced definitions of "help" and "help out," individuals can aptly tailor their expressions of support and assistance to align with the specific needs and contexts they encounter. These definitions serve as guiding beacons, directing the appropriate application of these terms in various scenarios, ultimately enhancing the effectiveness and impact of one's supportive actions.
Understanding the precise definitions of "help" and "help out" lays the foundation for comprehending their diverse applications in different contexts, which will be further elucidated in the subsequent sections of this exploration.
The distinction between "help" and "help out" becomes particularly evident when considering their usage in different contexts. Understanding how these terms are employed across diverse situations sheds light on their subtle yet impactful differences.
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Everyday Scenarios
In everyday conversations, the choice between "help" and "help out" can subtly alter the tone and implication of the offer. For instance, when someone says, "I can help with the project," it implies a willingness to provide assistance in various capacities, such as offering advice, contributing ideas, or actively participating in the project's execution. On the other hand, saying, "I can help out with the project," suggests a more hands-on involvement, indicating a readiness to actively engage in the project's tasks and contribute tangible efforts.
Community Involvement
In community settings, the distinction between "help" and "help out" becomes particularly pronounced. Offering to "help" with a community event may encompass a range of supportive actions, such as providing logistical support, offering expertise, or assisting with planning. On the contrary, expressing a willingness to "help out" conveys a more specific commitment to actively participating in the event's organization or execution, signifying a readiness to contribute physical effort and direct involvement.
Workplace Dynamics
In professional settings, the choice between "help" and "help out" can shape the perception of one's willingness to support colleagues or contribute to team efforts. Saying, "I can help with the presentation," may imply a readiness to offer guidance, share expertise, or collaborate in refining the presentation's content. Conversely, stating, "I can help out with the presentation," conveys a more hands-on involvement, indicating a willingness to actively participate in preparing the presentation, such as creating visual aids or assisting with rehearsals.
Personal Relationships
Within personal relationships, the distinction between "help" and "help out" can influence the dynamics of support and assistance. Offering to "help" a friend in need may encompass emotional support, offering advice, or simply being present to listen and empathize. Conversely, expressing a readiness to "help out" conveys a more proactive and tangible commitment, such as assisting with practical tasks, running errands, or actively participating in resolving a specific challenge.
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Crisis Situations
In times of crisis or urgency, the choice between "help" and "help out" can significantly impact the nature of the assistance offered. Saying, "I can help with the situation," may encompass a range of supportive actions, including offering guidance, coordinating resources, or providing emotional support. On the other hand, expressing a willingness to "help out with the situation" signifies a more hands-on involvement, such as actively participating in addressing the crisis, providing physical assistance, or taking charge of specific tasks.
In essence, the nuanced differences between "help" and "help out" manifest in various contexts, subtly shaping the tone and nature of the assistance offered. By discerning these distinctions, individuals can aptly tailor their expressions of support to align with the specific needs and dynamics of diverse situations, ultimately enhancing the effectiveness and impact of their supportive actions.
In daily life, the distinction between "help" and "help out" can be observed in various scenarios, each reflecting the nuanced differences in the nature and extent of assistance offered.
Household Chores
When a family member says, "I can help with the chores," it may entail offering assistance in a general sense, such as providing guidance or contributing to the overall task completion. On the other hand, expressing a willingness to "help out with the chores" signifies a more hands-on involvement, involving active participation in specific tasks, such as washing dishes, vacuuming, or doing laundry.
Moving to a New Home
During a friend's relocation, offering to "help" may encompass providing advice on packing strategies or offering emotional support during the transition. Conversely, expressing a readiness to "help out" indicates a more active commitment, such as physically assisting with packing, lifting and carrying boxes, or aiding in the actual moving process.
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Academic Support
In educational settings, a classmate offering to "help" with a challenging assignment may extend guidance, share resources, or provide explanations to aid in understanding the material. On the other hand, expressing a willingness to "help out with the assignment" conveys a more direct involvement, such as collaborating on the task, sharing workload, or actively participating in research and analysis.
Organizing an Event
When planning an event, a colleague offering to "help" may imply a willingness to provide input, offer suggestions, or assist in coordination from a distance. Conversely, expressing a readiness to "help out with the event" signifies a more hands-on commitment, such as actively participating in logistics, setting up the venue, or assisting with on-site management during the event.
Supporting a Friend in Need
In times of emotional distress, offering to "help" a friend may involve providing a listening ear, offering comfort, or giving advice from a supportive standpoint. Conversely, expressing a readiness to "help out" conveys a more proactive involvement, such as accompanying the friend to appointments, running errands, or actively participating in activities to uplift their spirits.
These examples illustrate how the subtle distinctions between "help" and "help out" manifest in everyday life, shaping the nature and extent of support and assistance offered in diverse situations. By discerning these nuances, individuals can tailor their expressions of aid to effectively meet the specific needs and dynamics of various scenarios, fostering meaningful and impactful interactions.
The distinction between "help" and "help out" extends beyond linguistic semantics; it permeates the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, exerting a profound impact on communication, collaboration, and mutual support. The choice between these terms can subtly shape the perceptions and expectations within relationships, influencing the level of involvement, support, and reciprocity.
In relationships, the use of "help" conveys a sense of general willingness to provide assistance, encompassing emotional support, guidance, and overall availability. When one offers to "help" a partner, friend, or family member, it signifies a readiness to offer a broad spectrum of aid, catering to diverse needs and challenges that may arise. This expression of support fosters an atmosphere of openness and receptivity, promoting a sense of trust and reliance within the relationship.
On the other hand, the use of "help out" signifies a more specific, hands-on commitment to addressing particular needs or challenges within the relationship. When individuals express a readiness to "help out," it denotes a tangible and proactive involvement, often involving direct participation in resolving specific issues, sharing responsibilities, or actively contributing to the well-being of the relationship. This nuanced choice of language reflects a heightened level of engagement and dedication, signaling a proactive stance in nurturing the relationship.
The impact of these linguistic nuances reverberates throughout the fabric of relationships. The use of "help" fosters an environment of open-ended support and understanding, encouraging individuals to seek assistance without hesitation and reinforcing the notion of mutual reliance. Conversely, the use of "help out" instills a sense of proactive collaboration and shared responsibility, promoting a culture of active participation and mutual investment in the relationship's well-being.
Furthermore, the choice between "help" and "help out" influences the perception of reciprocity within relationships. When individuals offer to "help," it conveys a willingness to extend support without specific expectations, nurturing a sense of altruism and unconditional assistance. Conversely, expressing a readiness to "help out" implies a more reciprocal dynamic, signaling an expectation of active involvement and shared responsibility within the relationship.
In essence, the distinction between "help" and "help out" profoundly shapes the dynamics of relationships, influencing the levels of support, engagement, and reciprocity. By discerning these subtle nuances and aligning their expressions of assistance with the specific needs and dynamics of their relationships, individuals can foster an environment of mutual understanding, collaboration, and support, ultimately strengthening the bonds that unite them.
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In conclusion, the distinction between "help" and "help out" transcends mere linguistic semantics, permeating the intricacies of human interaction, communication, and relationships. By delving into the nuanced differences between these seemingly interchangeable terms, we have unveiled the subtle yet impactful implications that underpin their usage across diverse contexts.
The precise definitions of "help" and "help out" serve as guiding beacons, directing the appropriate application of these terms in various scenarios. While "help" encompasses a broader and more general scope of assistance, "help out" emphasizes specific, hands-on involvement. This distinction becomes particularly evident when considering their usage in everyday scenarios, community involvement, workplace dynamics, personal relationships, and crisis situations. The choice between these terms subtly alters the tone and implication of the offer, shaping the nature and extent of support and assistance offered in diverse situations.
Furthermore, the impact of "help" and "help out" extends beyond linguistic nuances, exerting a profound influence on the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. The use of "help" fosters an environment of open-ended support and understanding, while "help out" instills a sense of proactive collaboration and shared responsibility. These linguistic nuances shape the perception of reciprocity within relationships, influencing the levels of support, engagement, and mutual investment in the relationship's well-being.
By discerning these subtle nuances and aligning their expressions of assistance with the specific needs and dynamics of their relationships, individuals can foster an environment of mutual understanding, collaboration, and support, ultimately strengthening the bonds that unite them.
In essence, the exploration of "help" and "help out" serves as a poignant reminder of the profound impact of language on human interactions. By embracing the subtle yet impactful differences between these terms, individuals can navigate the complexities of communication with heightened sensitivity and precision, enriching their interactions and relationships with depth, understanding, and meaningful support.
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verb as in do for
Weak matches
- lend a hand
- provide for
verb as in prompt
Strongest matches
Strong matches
- give rise to
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Related words.
Words related to help out are not direct synonyms, but are associated with the word help out . Browse related words to learn more about word associations.
verb as in help
verb as in incite, cue
- win/win over
Example Sentences
The lack of a cannon is a particular problem, as the F-35 is being counted on to help out infantrymen under fire.
Today, in contrast, if Grandma Maude starts one in Maine, Aunty Carol can directly help out from California.
If the taste of chlorine haunts you, filters might help out.
Daniel Schachner, the actor playing the referee for Puppy Bowl X, waits on standby to help out on the field.
“I wanted to help out in any way I could,” he says, especially in refugee camps and hospitals.
Mr. Norcross told what we had seen, and how we had come to be where we were able to see it, but that didn't help out much, either.
"Nothing that would help out," and after he had talked a little while longer our only millionaire went down-stairs again.
He will appeal to me to help out within six months, you'll see!
"A good idea, and I'll do everything I can to help out," laughed the leader.
He just entered into a little private deal to help out Hands McCaffery.
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On this page you'll find 74 synonyms, antonyms, and words related to help out, such as: abet, aid, assist, benefact, care for, and lend a hand.
From Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2013 by the Philip Lief Group.
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Definition of help
(Entry 1 of 2)
transitive verb
intransitive verb
see also helping hand , helping verb
Definition of help (Entry 2 of 2)
- helping hand
improve , better , help , ameliorate mean to make more acceptable or to bring nearer a standard.
improve and better are general and interchangeable and apply to what can be made better whether it is good or bad.
help implies a bettering that still leaves room for improvement.
ameliorate implies making more tolerable or acceptable conditions that are hard to endure.
Examples of help in a Sentence
These examples are programmatically compiled from various online sources to illustrate current usage of the word 'help.' Any opinions expressed in the examples do not represent those of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback about these examples.
Word History
Verb and Noun
Middle English, from Old English helpan ; akin to Old High German helfan to help, and perhaps to Lithuanian šelpti
before the 12th century, in the meaning defined at transitive sense 1
before the 12th century, in the meaning defined at sense 1
Phrases Containing help
- cannot help oneself
- God / Lord / heaven help (someone)
- cannot help but
- beyond help
- help off / on
- help matters
- self - help
- help oneself
- help screen
- help wanted
- cannot help
- no help for it
Articles Related to help
'Muskrat,' 'Helpmate,' and 6 More Folk...
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Dictionary Entries Near help
Cite this entry.
“Help.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary , Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/help. Accessed 2 Apr. 2024.
Kids Definition
Kids definition of help.
Kids Definition of help (Entry 2 of 2)
More from Merriam-Webster on help
Nglish: Translation of help for Spanish Speakers
Britannica English: Translation of help for Arabic Speakers
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So naturally I began to lug a heavy suitcase of books each Saturday to the Harvard Business School to work on my Nabokov paper. In one cavernous, well-appointed room sat approximately 50 of the planet’s most suitable bachelors. I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step that had yet to run out. Apologies to Progress, but older men still desired those things.
I could not understand why my female classmates did not join me, given their intelligence. Each time I reconsidered the project, it struck me as more reasonable. Why ignore our youth when it amounted to a superpower? Why assume the burdens of womanhood, its too-quick-to-vanish upper hand, but not its brief benefits at least? Perhaps it came easier to avoid the topic wholesale than to accept that women really do have a tragically short window of power, and reason enough to take advantage of that fact while they can. As for me, I liked history, Victorian novels, knew of imminent female pitfalls from all the books I’d read: vampiric boyfriends; labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously; a decline in status as we aged, like a looming eclipse. I’d have disliked being called calculating, but I had, like all women, a calculator in my head. I thought it silly to ignore its answers when they pointed to an unfairness for which we really ought to have been preparing.
I was competitive by nature, an English-literature student with all the corresponding major ambitions and minor prospects (Great American novel; email job). A little Bovarist , frantic for new places and ideas; to travel here, to travel there, to be in the room where things happened. I resented the callow boys in my class, who lusted after a particular, socially sanctioned type on campus: thin and sexless, emotionally detached and socially connected, the opposite of me. Restless one Saturday night, I slipped on a red dress and snuck into a graduate-school event, coiling an HDMI cord around my wrist as proof of some technical duty. I danced. I drank for free, until one of the organizers asked me to leave. I called and climbed into an Uber. Then I promptly climbed out of it. For there he was, emerging from the revolving doors. Brown eyes, curved lips, immaculate jacket. I went to him, asked him for a cigarette. A date, days later. A second one, where I discovered he was a person, potentially my favorite kind: funny, clear-eyed, brilliant, on intimate terms with the universe.
I used to love men like men love women — that is, not very well, and with a hunger driven only by my own inadequacies. Not him. In those early days, I spoke fondly of my family, stocked the fridge with his favorite pasta, folded his clothes more neatly than I ever have since. I wrote his mother a thank-you note for hosting me in his native France, something befitting a daughter-in-law. It worked; I meant it. After graduation and my fellowship at Oxford, I stayed in Europe for his career and married him at 23.
Of course I just fell in love. Romances have a setting; I had only intervened to place myself well. Mainly, I spotted the precise trouble of being a woman ahead of time, tried to surf it instead of letting it drown me on principle. I had grown bored of discussions of fair and unfair, equal or unequal , and preferred instead to consider a thing called ease.
The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon. When a 50-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman walk down the street, the questions form themselves inside of you; they make you feel cynical and obscene: How good of a deal is that? Which party is getting the better one? Would I take it? He is older. Income rises with age, so we assume he has money, at least relative to her; at minimum, more connections and experience. She has supple skin. Energy. Sex. Maybe she gets a Birkin. Maybe he gets a baby long after his prime. The sight of their entwined hands throws a lucid light on the calculations each of us makes, in love, to varying degrees of denial. You could get married in the most romantic place in the world, like I did, and you would still have to sign a contract.
Twenty and 30 is not like 30 and 40; some freshness to my features back then, some clumsiness in my bearing, warped our decade, in the eyes of others, to an uncrossable gulf. Perhaps this explains the anger we felt directed at us at the start of our relationship. People seemed to take us very, very personally. I recall a hellish car ride with a friend of his who began to castigate me in the backseat, in tones so low that only I could hear him. He told me, You wanted a rich boyfriend. You chased and snuck into parties . He spared me the insult of gold digger, but he drew, with other words, the outline for it. Most offended were the single older women, my husband’s classmates. They discussed me in the bathroom at parties when I was in the stall. What does he see in her? What do they talk about? They were concerned about me. They wielded their concern like a bludgeon. They paraphrased without meaning to my favorite line from Nabokov’s Lolita : “You took advantage of my disadvantage,” suspecting me of some weakness he in turn mined. It did not disturb them, so much, to consider that all relationships were trades. The trouble was the trade I’d made struck them as a bad one.
The truth is you can fall in love with someone for all sorts of reasons, tiny transactions, pluses and minuses, whose sum is your affection for each other, your loyalty, your commitment. The way someone picks up your favorite croissant. Their habit of listening hard. What they do for you on your anniversary and your reciprocal gesture, wrapped thoughtfully. The serenity they inspire; your happiness, enlivening it. When someone says they feel unappreciated, what they really mean is you’re in debt to them.
When I think of same-age, same-stage relationships, what I tend to picture is a woman who is doing too much for too little.
I’m 27 now, and most women my age have “partners.” These days, girls become partners quite young. A partner is supposed to be a modern answer to the oppression of marriage, the terrible feeling of someone looming over you, head of a household to which you can only ever be the neck. Necks are vulnerable. The problem with a partner, however, is if you’re equal in all things, you compromise in all things. And men are too skilled at taking .
There is a boy out there who knows how to floss because my friend taught him. Now he kisses college girls with fresh breath. A boy married to my friend who doesn’t know how to pack his own suitcase. She “likes to do it for him.” A million boys who know how to touch a woman, who go to therapy because they were pushed, who learned fidelity, boundaries, decency, manners, to use a top sheet and act humanely beneath it, to call their mothers, match colors, bring flowers to a funeral and inhale, exhale in the face of rage, because some girl, some girl we know, some girl they probably don’t speak to and will never, ever credit, took the time to teach him. All while she was working, raising herself, clawing up the cliff-face of adulthood. Hauling him at her own expense.
I find a post on Reddit where five thousand men try to define “ a woman’s touch .” They describe raised flower beds, blankets, photographs of their loved ones, not hers, sprouting on the mantel overnight. Candles, coasters, side tables. Someone remembering to take lint out of the dryer. To give compliments. I wonder what these women are getting back. I imagine them like Cinderella’s mice, scurrying around, their sole proof of life their contributions to a more central character. On occasion I meet a nice couple, who grew up together. They know each other with a fraternalism tender and alien to me. But I think of all my friends who failed at this, were failed at this, and I think, No, absolutely not, too risky . Riskier, sometimes, than an age gap.
My younger brother is in his early 20s, handsome, successful, but in many ways: an endearing disaster. By his age, I had long since wisened up. He leaves his clothes in the dryer, takes out a single shirt, steams it for three minutes. His towel on the floor, for someone else to retrieve. His lovely, same-age girlfriend is aching to fix these tendencies, among others. She is capable beyond words. Statistically, they will not end up together. He moved into his first place recently, and she, the girlfriend, supplied him with a long, detailed list of things he needed for his apartment: sheets, towels, hangers, a colander, which made me laugh. She picked out his couch. I will bet you anything she will fix his laundry habits, and if so, they will impress the next girl. If they break up, she will never see that couch again, and he will forget its story. I tell her when I visit because I like her, though I get in trouble for it: You shouldn’t do so much for him, not for someone who is not stuck with you, not for any boy, not even for my wonderful brother.
Too much work had left my husband, by 30, jaded and uninspired. He’d burned out — but I could reenchant things. I danced at restaurants when they played a song I liked. I turned grocery shopping into an adventure, pleased by what I provided. Ambitious, hungry, he needed someone smart enough to sustain his interest, but flexible enough in her habits to build them around his hours. I could. I do: read myself occupied, make myself free, materialize beside him when he calls for me. In exchange, I left a lucrative but deadening spreadsheet job to write full-time, without having to live like a writer. I learned to cook, a little, and decorate, somewhat poorly. Mostly I get to read, to walk central London and Miami and think in delicious circles, to work hard, when necessary, for free, and write stories for far less than minimum wage when I tally all the hours I take to write them.
At 20, I had felt daunted by the project of becoming my ideal self, couldn’t imagine doing it in tandem with someone, two raw lumps of clay trying to mold one another and only sullying things worse. I’d go on dates with boys my age and leave with the impression they were telling me not about themselves but some person who didn’t exist yet and on whom I was meant to bet regardless. My husband struck me instead as so finished, formed. Analyzable for compatibility. He bore the traces of other women who’d improved him, small but crucial basics like use a coaster ; listen, don’t give advice. Young egos mellow into patience and generosity.
My husband isn’t my partner. He’s my mentor, my lover, and, only in certain contexts, my friend. I’ll never forget it, how he showed me around our first place like he was introducing me to myself: This is the wine you’ll drink, where you’ll keep your clothes, we vacation here, this is the other language we’ll speak, you’ll learn it, and I did. Adulthood seemed a series of exhausting obligations. But his logistics ran so smoothly that he simply tacked mine on. I moved into his flat, onto his level, drag and drop, cleaner thrice a week, bills automatic. By opting out of partnership in my 20s, I granted myself a kind of compartmentalized, liberating selfishness none of my friends have managed. I am the work in progress, the party we worry about, a surprising dominance. When I searched for my first job, at 21, we combined our efforts, for my sake. He had wisdom to impart, contacts with whom he arranged coffees; we spent an afternoon, laughing, drawing up earnest lists of my pros and cons (highly sociable; sloppy math). Meanwhile, I took calls from a dear friend who had a boyfriend her age. Both savagely ambitious, hyperclose and entwined in each other’s projects. If each was a start-up , the other was the first hire, an intense dedication I found riveting. Yet every time she called me, I hung up with the distinct feeling that too much was happening at the same time: both learning to please a boss; to forge more adult relationships with their families; to pay bills and taxes and hang prints on the wall. Neither had any advice to give and certainly no stability. I pictured a three-legged race, two people tied together and hobbling toward every milestone.
I don’t fool myself. My marriage has its cons. There are only so many times one can say “thank you” — for splendid scenes, fine dinners — before the phrase starts to grate. I live in an apartment whose rent he pays and that shapes the freedom with which I can ever be angry with him. He doesn’t have to hold it over my head. It just floats there, complicating usual shorthands to explain dissatisfaction like, You aren’t being supportive lately . It’s a Frenchism to say, “Take a decision,” and from time to time I joke: from whom? Occasionally I find myself in some fabulous country at some fabulous party and I think what a long way I have traveled, like a lucky cloud, and it is frightening to think of oneself as vapor.
Mostly I worry that if he ever betrayed me and I had to move on, I would survive, but would find in my humor, preferences, the way I make coffee or the bed nothing that he did not teach, change, mold, recompose, stamp with his initials, the way Renaissance painters hid in their paintings their faces among a crowd. I wonder if when they looked at their paintings, they saw their own faces first. But this is the wrong question, if our aim is happiness. Like the other question on which I’m expected to dwell: Who is in charge, the man who drives or the woman who put him there so she could enjoy herself? I sit in the car, in the painting it would have taken me a corporate job and 20 years to paint alone, and my concern over who has the upper hand becomes as distant as the horizon, the one he and I made so wide for me.
To be a woman is to race against the clock, in several ways, until there is nothing left to be but run ragged.
We try to put it off, but it will hit us at some point: that we live in a world in which our power has a different shape from that of men, a different distribution of advantage, ours a funnel and theirs an expanding cone. A woman at 20 rarely has to earn her welcome; a boy at 20 will be turned away at the door. A woman at 30 may find a younger woman has taken her seat; a man at 30 will have invited her. I think back to the women in the bathroom, my husband’s classmates. What was my relationship if not an inconvertible sign of this unfairness? What was I doing, in marrying older, if not endorsing it? I had taken advantage of their disadvantage. I had preempted my own. After all, principled women are meant to defy unfairness, to show some integrity or denial, not plan around it, like I had. These were driven women, successful, beautiful, capable. I merely possessed the one thing they had already lost. In getting ahead of the problem, had I pushed them down? If I hadn’t, would it really have made any difference?
When we decided we wanted to be equal to men, we got on men’s time. We worked when they worked, retired when they retired, had to squeeze pregnancy, children, menopause somewhere impossibly in the margins. I have a friend, in her late 20s, who wears a mood ring; these days it is often red, flickering in the air like a siren when she explains her predicament to me. She has raised her fair share of same-age boyfriends. She has put her head down, worked laboriously alongside them, too. At last she is beginning to reap the dividends, earning the income to finally enjoy herself. But it is now, exactly at this precipice of freedom and pleasure, that a time problem comes closing in. If she would like to have children before 35, she must begin her next profession, motherhood, rather soon, compromising inevitably her original one. The same-age partner, equally unsettled in his career, will take only the minimum time off, she guesses, or else pay some cost which will come back to bite her. Everything unfailingly does. If she freezes her eggs to buy time, the decision and its logistics will burden her singly — and perhaps it will not work. Overlay the years a woman is supposed to establish herself in her career and her fertility window and it’s a perfect, miserable circle. By midlife women report feeling invisible, undervalued; it is a telling cliché, that after all this, some husbands leave for a younger girl. So when is her time, exactly? For leisure, ease, liberty? There is no brand of feminism which achieved female rest. If women’s problem in the ’50s was a paralyzing malaise, now it is that they are too active, too capable, never permitted a vacation they didn’t plan. It’s not that our efforts to have it all were fated for failure. They simply weren’t imaginative enough.
For me, my relationship, with its age gap, has alleviated this rush , permitted me to massage the clock, shift its hands to my benefit. Very soon, we will decide to have children, and I don’t panic over last gasps of fun, because I took so many big breaths of it early: on the holidays of someone who had worked a decade longer than I had, in beautiful places when I was young and beautiful, a symmetry I recommend. If such a thing as maternal energy exists, mine was never depleted. I spent the last nearly seven years supported more than I support and I am still not as old as my husband was when he met me. When I have a child, I will expect more help from him than I would if he were younger, for what does professional tenure earn you if not the right to set more limits on work demands — or, if not, to secure some child care, at the very least? When I return to work after maternal upheaval, he will aid me, as he’s always had, with his ability to put himself aside, as younger men are rarely able.
Above all, the great gift of my marriage is flexibility. A chance to live my life before I become responsible for someone else’s — a lover’s, or a child’s. A chance to write. A chance at a destiny that doesn’t adhere rigidly to the routines and timelines of men, but lends itself instead to roomy accommodation, to the very fluidity Betty Friedan dreamed of in 1963 in The Feminine Mystique , but we’ve largely forgotten: some career or style of life that “permits year-to-year variation — a full-time paid job in one community, part-time in another, exercise of the professional skill in serious volunteer work or a period of study during pregnancy or early motherhood when a full-time job is not feasible.” Some things are just not feasible in our current structures. Somewhere along the way we stopped admitting that, and all we did was make women feel like personal failures. I dream of new structures, a world in which women have entry-level jobs in their 30s; alternate avenues for promotion; corporate ladders with balconies on which they can stand still, have a smoke, take a break, make a baby, enjoy themselves, before they keep climbing. Perhaps men long for this in their own way. Actually I am sure of that.
Once, when we first fell in love, I put my head in his lap on a long car ride; I remember his hands on my face, the sun, the twisting turns of a mountain road, surprising and not surprising us like our romance, and his voice, telling me that it was his biggest regret that I was so young, he feared he would lose me. Last week, we looked back at old photos and agreed we’d given each other our respective best years. Sometimes real equality is not so obvious, sometimes it takes turns, sometimes it takes almost a decade to reveal itself.
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Where is the Francis Scott Key Bridge? What to know about collapsed Baltimore bridge
The collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge , a major transportation link in the Baltimore area, sparked a massive search and rescue effort early Tuesday morning.
The bridge has been a critical transportation passageway along the East Coast for decades. Video captured the collapse , after Singapore-flagged container ship, the Dali, collided with one of the bridge's pillars.
The ship had caught fire, and several vehicles fell into the river below.
Here's what to know about the Francis Scott Key Bridge.
Follow here for live updates → Baltimore's Key Bridge collapses after ship collision; rescue effort underway
Where is the Francis Scott Key Bridge located?
The bridge crosses over the Patapsco River on I-695 and is the final link on the Baltimore Beltway, according to the Maryland Transportation Authority .
It is the outermost of the three tollways that cross Baltimore's Harbor.
How long is the Francis Scott Key Bridge?
The 4-lane bridge structure alone is 1.6 miles long. The facility also includes the Curtis Creek Drawbridge. Including approach roadways, the entire stretch is around 10.9 miles long, MDTA said.
Why did a ship hit the Francis Scott Key Bridge?
The ship, a container vessel chartered by Maersk, apparently lost power a few minutes before striking the bridge, a senior U.S. official told USA TODAY .
No Maersk crew or personnel were onboard the vessel when it struck the bridge, according to a statement from the company. It was operated by a charter company, Synergy Group, and owned by Grace Ocean Pte., based in Singapore, and ultimately bound for Sri Lanka.
Accidents like this, called Marine casualties, are not uncommon, the official told USA TODAY, with an allision (an immobile object being struck by a ship) occurring about every 10 years or so. Investigators will likely look into the cause of the power outage and whether there was a mechanical failure on the ship.
How old is the Key Bridge in Baltimore?
The Francis Scott Key Bridge opened in March 1977, according to the Maryland Transportation Authority .
What type of bridge is the Francis Scott Key?
The steel-arched bridge was the second-longest continuous-truss bridge span in the world when it was built and remains the second longest in the United States and third in the world, according to the American Civil Engineering Society .
When was the Francis Scott Key Bridge built?
Construction of the Francis Scott Key Bridge began in 1972.
Francis Scott Key Bridge has a deep history
According to the MDTA, the bridge crosses over the Patapsco River, near where Francis Scott Key, the bridge's namesake, was inspired to write the lyrics of the Star Spangled Banner.
Key is believed to have witnessed the bombardment of Fort McHenry on the night of Sept. 12, 1814, within 100 yards of the modern-day bridge. That battle is what inspired him to the national anthem.
How vital is the Francis Scott Key Bridge?
The bridge is critical to East Coast shipping. The port’s private and public terminals handled 847,158 autos and light trucks in 2023, the most of any U.S. port. The port also handles farm and construction machinery, sugar, gypsum and coal, according to a Maryland government website.
Consumer advocates — and even some realtors — hail NAR settlement: 'We've opened up the entire industry to competition'
The process of buying a home has seemingly never been simpler: Find a property on a listings website like Zillow, Redfin or Trulia; reach out to the listing agent; tour the property; and make an offer.
But for years behind the scenes, experts say, consumers have not been fully aware of the ultimate cost — and potential conflicts of interest — when searching for a home.
Now, a landmark settlement with the National Association of Realtors is poised to upend this model. According to consumer advocates, and even some realtors, it’s a win for homebuyers and sellers.
“Price transparency is a good thing, increased competition is a good thing, and this will increase both,” said Mariya Letdin, an associate professor at Florida State University’s College of Business. “I really welcome this change.”
When someone goes looking for a home today, they are in most cases intercepted by a broker who has access to certain listings and who will work with the buyer at no cost upfront to help them get into a home.
But therein lies a common misconception, experts interviewed by NBC News said. Although a homeowner who puts their property up for sale must hire professionals to market their home, they usually fold that cost into the final price paid by the buyer.
“The buyer brings the entire purchase price to the table,” Letdin said. “And the seller gets to keep a little bit more of that after this ruling.”
As part of the new settlement, the buyer should now be fully apprised upfront about any potential fees or commissions they’ll ultimately have to pay.
That’s because the agreement requires that a buyer sign a formal contract with a broker laying out what services they’ll be receiving, and for how much.
Alternatively, a homebuyer could decide not to hire a broker and instead put their search costs toward a real estate lawyer, appraiser or someone else with knowledge of the housing market, experts say.
And a seller could even offer to cover the cost of the buyer’s team as an incentive to attract more buyers.
Of course, for a property that’s garnering a lot of attention, such buyer incentives are unlikely to be on the table.
And in the months following Covid-19 pandemic reopenings, the hottest U.S. real estate markets were tipped squarely in favor of sellers.
But now, with home price growth leveling off, the playing field is leveling out too, putting more buyers in the driver’s seat, experts say.
“Now you can hire an attorney for $1,500, instead of paying a $50,000 commission,” said Doug Miller, a real estate lawyer based in Minnesota who helped launch the actions that led to the NAR settlement.
Whomever a prospective buyer chooses as their representative in the homebuying process, the NAR settlement now formally bans the seller’s ability to advertise a commission for the buyer’s reps on the multiple listing service.
For its part, the NAR has maintained that the free market has always set commission levels, and that they were always negotiable — and even useful.
“Offers of compensation help make professional representation more accessible, decrease costs for home buyers to secure these services, increase fair housing opportunities, and increase the potential buyer pool for sellers,” the NAR said in its March 15 statement announcing the agreement.
But in most cases, there was little difference in the amount being offered for those commissions in a given market — usually about 3%.
That’s because any attempt to offer a lower commission to a buyer’s agent would likely motivate the agent to direct their client away from that property.
Miller characterized that behavior as improper and said buyers, in many cases, would have had no awareness of it.
“The future here is that buyers will now be in the driver’s seat,” Miller said. “Instead of that [commission] money going to their agent ... it can now go directly to the buyer. It’s the same amount of money, but now the buyer gets money instead of a buyer agent, and they can decide what to do with it.”
What’s more, greater competition for clients is likely to result in lower costs across the board, said Ryan Tomasello, a real estate industry analyst with the Keefe, Bruyette & Woods financial firm.
“When you introduce a ton of transparency to a marketplace that has historically lacked it, any economist will tell you that reduces friction costs — i.e., commissions — and those are some of the highest in the world,” Tomasello said. “So the all-in cost of buying and selling a home, in theory, is going to decline.”
Many experts, including other real estate professionals, agree that the settlement will effectively thin the ranks of fly-by-night agents who served as an intermediary — a phenomenon that surged during the pandemic-era housing boom.
“A lot of folks parachuted in during 2020-2021 to try to make easy extra money by putting themselves out there as a buyer agent and taking 3%,” said Phil Crescenzo Jr., vice president of the Southeast division at Nation One Mortgage Corp.
“But they weren’t bringing 3% of value — not even close.”
Crescenzo compared it to moonlighting mortgage brokers who helped fuel the housing bubble of the mid-to-late 2000s.
“Once they changed the compensation rules, the dominant professionals rose to the top, the bottom disappeared, and the industry got better,” Crescenzo said.
Rob Wile is a breaking business news reporter for NBC News Digital.
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How to travel around the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapse in Baltimore: A look at the traffic impact and alternate routes
By Rohan Mattu
Updated on: April 1, 2024 / 8:13 AM EDT / CBS Baltimore
BALTIMORE -- The collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore early on the morning of March 26 led to a major traffic impact for the region and cut off a major artery into and out of the port city.
Drivers are told to prepare for extra commuting time until further notice.
Alternate routes after Francis Scott Key Bridge collapse
Maryland transit authorities quickly put detours in place for those traveling through Dundalk or the Curtis Bay/Hawkins Point side of the bridge. The estimated 31,000 who travel the bridge every day will need to find a new route for the foreseeable future.
The outer loop I-695 closure shifted to exit 1/Quarantine Road (past the Curtis Creek Drawbridge) to allow for enhanced local traffic access.
The inner loop of I-695 remains closed at MD 157 (Peninsula Expressway). Additionally, the ramp from MD 157 to the inner loop of I-695 will be closed.
Alternate routes are I-95 (Fort McHenry Tunnel) or I-895 (Baltimore Harbor Tunnel) for north/south routes.
Commercial vehicles carrying materials that are prohibited in the tunnel crossings, including recreation vehicles carrying propane, should plan on using I-695 (Baltimore Beltway) between Essex and Glen Burnie. This will add significant driving time.
Where is the Francis Scott Key Bridge?
The Key Bridge crosses the Patapsco River, a key waterway that along with the Port of Baltimore serves as a hub for East Coast shipping.
The bridge is the outermost of three toll crossings of Baltimore's Harbor and the final link in Interstate 695, known in the region as the Baltimore Beltway, which links Baltimore and Washington, D.C.
The bridge was built after the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel reached capacity and experienced heavy congestion almost daily, according to the MDTA.
Tractor-trailer inspections
Tractor-trailers that now have clearance to use the tunnels will need to be checked for hazardous materials, which are not permitted in tunnels, and that could further hold up traffic.
The MDTA says vehicles carrying bottled propane gas over 10 pounds per container (maximum of 10 containers), bulk gasoline, explosives, significant amounts of radioactive materials, and other hazardous materials are prohibited from using the Fort McHenry Tunnel (I-95) or the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel (I-895).
Any vehicles transporting hazardous materials should use the western section of I-695 around the tunnels, officials said.
- Francis Scott Key Bridge
- Bridge Collapse
- Patapsco River
Rohan Mattu is a digital producer at CBS News Baltimore. Rohan graduated from Towson University in 2020 with a degree in journalism and previously wrote for WDVM-TV in Hagerstown. He maintains WJZ's website and social media, which includes breaking news in everything from politics to sports.
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AT&T Resets Millions of Passcodes After Customer Records Are Leaked
Nearly eight million customers and 65.4 million former account holders were affected by the data breach, the company said.
By Aimee Ortiz
The telecommunications giant AT&T announced on Saturday that it had reset the passcodes of 7.6 million customers after it determined that compromised customer data was “released on the dark web.”
“Our internal teams are working with external cybersecurity experts to analyze the situation,” AT&T said . “To the best of our knowledge, the compromised data appears to be from 2019 or earlier and does not contain personal financial information or call history.”
The company said that “information varied by customer and account,” but that it may have included a person’s full name, email address, mailing address, phone number, Social Security number, date of birth, AT&T account number and passcode.
In addition to those 7.6 million customers, 65.4 million former account holders were also affected.
The company said it would be “reaching out to individuals with compromised sensitive personal information separately and offering complimentary identity theft and credit monitoring services.”
AT&T said it reset the passcodes for those affected and directed customers to a site with details about how to reset them. It also said that it was starting a “robust investigation supported by internal and external cybersecurity experts.”
A company representative did not address specific questions about how the breach happened or why it went unnoticed for so long.
TechCrunch, which first reported on the passcode reset , said it informed AT&T on Monday that “the leaked data contained encrypted passcodes that could be used to access AT&T customer accounts.”
TechCrunch said it delayed publishing its article until the company “could begin resetting customer account passcodes.”
In its report, TechCrunch said that “this is the first time that AT&T has acknowledged that the leaked data belongs to its customers, some three years after a hacker claimed the theft of 73 million AT&T customer records.”
AT&T had previously denied a breach of its systems but how the leak happened was unclear, TechCrunch reported.
AT&T said that it did not know whether the leaked data “originated from AT&T or one of its vendors” and that it “does not have evidence of unauthorized access to its systems resulting in theft of the data set.”
The episode comes after AT&T customers experienced a widespread outage last month that temporarily cut off connections for users across the United States for several hours. The Feb. 22 outage affected customer in cities including Atlanta, Los Angeles and New York.
At its peak, there were around 70,000 reports of disrupted service for the wireless carrier, according to Downdetector.com , which tracks user reports of telecommunication and internet disruptions.
A few days later, AT&T offered customers affected by the outage a $5 credit in an effort to “make it right.”
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Learn the meaning and usage of the phrasal verb help out, which means to do something so another person's job or task is easier. See example sentences from recent sources and related entries.
Help out means to do a part of someone's work or give someone money. See how to use this phrasal verb in different contexts and languages.
Learn the meaning and usage of the phrasal verb help out, which means to assist or aid someone by doing some work or lending some money. See sentences from various sources and compare British and American English.
Learn the meaning, pronunciation and usage of the phrasal verb help out, which means to help somebody, especially in a difficult situation. See examples, synonyms and related words in the Oxford Advanced American Dictionary.
Help out means to help someone by doing some work for them or by lending them some money. See how to use this phrasal verb in sentences and compare it with other expressions.
Define help out. help out synonyms, help out pronunciation, help out translation, English dictionary definition of help out. vb 1. to assist or aid , esp by sharing the burden 2. to share the burden or cost of something with Collins English Dictionary - Complete and Unabridged,...
Help out is a phrasal verb that means to help someone because they are busy or have problems. It can be used in different contexts, such as in the shop, at home, or at work. See examples, synonyms, and related words from the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English.
help out: 1 v be of help, as in a particular situation of need "Can you help out tonight with the dinner guests?" Type of: aid , assist , help give help or assistance; be of service
Help out definition: . See examples of HELP OUT used in a sentence.
HELP (SB) OUT definition: to help someone, especially by giving them money or working for them: . Learn more.
Understanding the subtle differences between "help" and "help out" can prevent common errors: "Help" can encompass various forms of assistance, including advice or emotional support. "Help out" typically implies practical, hands-on aid. Use "help" with direct objects and infinitive verbs. Use "help out" when the action ...
Learn the meaning and usage of the phrase "help out" from various sources, such as dictionaries, thesauruses, medical, and encyclopedias. Find synonyms, related expressions, and examples of how to use "help out" in different contexts.
Learn the meaning and usage of the phrasal verb help out, which means to assist or aid someone in a situation. See examples, synonyms, collocations, and related expressions.
The term "help out" implies a direct involvement in addressing a particular need or fulfilling a specific request for aid. Unlike "help," which can encompass a wide range of supportive actions, "help out" emphasizes the tangible and practical aspects of assistance, often involving physical participation or direct contribution.
7. Help out / Help somebody out. is to help somebody, especially in a difficult situation. And, simple 'help' ... is to make it easier or possible for somebody to do something by doing something for them or by giving them something that they need. And I don't think that they are interchangeable in all cases though you can replace 'help out ...
Find 70 different ways to say help out, along with antonyms, related words, and example sentences at Thesaurus.com.
The meaning of HELP is to give assistance or support to (someone) : to provide (someone) with something that is useful or necessary in achieving an end. How to use help in a sentence. Synonym Discussion of Help.
Related Every Wordle Answer: All Words Used So Far (Updated Daily) Wordle is a simple daily word game that has taken the internet by storm. With only 6 chances to get the right answer, players may need a little help.
Work is underway to begin clearing the wreckage of Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge a week after a cargo ship crashed into it, sending the span crashing into the harbor and killing six ...
The reception of a particular age-gap relationship depends on its obviousness. The greater and more visible the difference in years and status between a man and a woman, the more it strikes others as transactional. Transactional thinking in relationships is both as American as it gets and the least kosher subject in the American romantic lexicon.
Definition of help someone out in the Idioms Dictionary. help someone out phrase. What does help someone out expression mean? Definitions by the largest Idiom Dictionary.
The collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge, a major transportation link in the Baltimore area, sparked a massive search and rescue effort early Tuesday morning. The bridge has been a critical ...
The process of buying a home has seemingly never been simpler: Find a property on a listings website like Zillow, Redfin or Trulia; reach out to the listing agent; tour the property; and make an ...
BALTIMORE -- The collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore early Tuesday led to a major traffic impact for the region and cut off a major artery into and out of the port city. Drivers ...
HELP (SB) OUT meaning: to help someone, especially by giving them money or working for them: . Learn more.
Using a moving cost calculator can help you estimate the average price. When moving out of state and covering more distance, you're likely to pay anywhere from $800 to $2,150 for a one-bedroom home.
HELP (SOMEONE) OUT meaning: 1. If you help out, you do a part of someone's work or give someone money: 2. If you help out, you…. Learn more.
Approaches to help people stem the risk of misinformation to health, well-being, and civic life. Factors that make people believe misinformation . Source, content, and repetition, as well as personality characteristics, play a role ... But it's ugly out there. Stopping the spread of misinformation . Sander van der Linden, PhD, talks about why ...
The telecommunications giant AT&T announced on Saturday that it had reset the passcodes of 7.6 million customers after it determined that compromised customer data was "released on the dark web."
HELP OUT - Synonyms, related words and examples | Cambridge English Thesaurus