middle school application essay sample

Middle School Application Essay

Any student can and will tell you that once in their school life, they have encountered an application essay. Whether it is for an organization, a scholarship, an institution or for student council, application essays would always be something common among them. Even for middle school students, they are introduced to the prospect of filling out an application essay. This article will help you with that. So jump right in.

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Definition of Application

An application is a legal and official request done through word of mouth or through writing.

Definition of Application Essay

An application essay is a type of essay often called a personal essay or personal statement. This is written by the applicant whether for scholarship or for an organization they wish to join in.

Importance of Application Essay 

An application essay is your opportunity to tell everyone about you. It is your time to shine and show how different you are from others. It is your way of showing to the right people that you are compatible for the job or the position you are applying for. May it be for president in school, a leader in your chapter or community, or even for student council.

Tips on Filling out Application Essays

As there are a lot of uses for an application essay and application form, the tips would be for both. The first few tips would be for the application form followed by the application essay.

To fill out an application form, the first thing you must do or remember is:

• Read everything: Read the directions before answering anything. This is often taken for granted and often times, applicants who do not follow the directions get their applications denied. So as to not let that happen, read everything before answering the following questions needed in the form.
• Write in block letters: Avoid writing in cursive. Block letters are not only formal to look at, they are also easy to read and understand.
• Avoid erasures: As much as possible avoid erasures. Not only will it be difficult to read, some people in different organizations would often tell you to avoid making erasures. To avoid this, make a draft on a different paper or ask questions if you do not understand.
• Review: Review everything. Check if you have answered everything on the form and have not left a single one unanswered.

To write out an application essay:

• Think: What are you planning on writing about. If you are given a topic, what do you want to expound about it? Brainstorm some ideas before you write it out. Your application essay is your ticket to showing how good you are, so it’s best to think.
• Draft it: Once you are done with brainstorming ideas , make a draft essay using an extra paper. Write down your ideas. It doesn’t matter if they are simply phrases or a word. This helps with constructing your sentences easier and for you to formulate a better essay.
• Tone: When writing, your tone for your essay has to be professional. Also, this essay is to persuade the right people to accept your application. Do avoid arguing in your essay. Give out some right information and persuade them but do not make your essay into an argument . That destroys the whole point of writing your essay.
• Word Count: Do not make your essay too wordy or too short. Follow the directions as to how many words they are asking you to write for your essay. It will not disqualify you but it may deduct your points.
• Revise:  If you have time or if you can make time, revise your essay. Check for some misspelled words, check the punctuations and your grammar.

What is the word count for an application essay?

A minimum of 500 to 650 words. This gives you enough to expound on your topic.

Why is it important to write an application essay?

To showcase your talent and skills. This is to show them and to give them information about you. This is your way of proving that you are the right fit for what position you are applying for.

Can I introduce myself in my application essay?

Yes. The best way to introduce yourself is to make it creative.

Application essays are used when you want to apply for a position in school or a scholarship. Be honest when writing your essay. But also, be as creative and give the right information like your introductory paragraph .

Middle School Application Essay Generator

Text prompt

• Instructive
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Discuss what you hope to achieve in middle school in your Middle School Application Essay.

Write about a subject you are passionate about and why for your Middle School Application Essay.

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by Michelle Boyd Waters, M.Ed.  

A Plethora Of Writing Examples For Middle School (& High School)

October 14, 2014 in  Pedagogy

When I started my first job as a professional newspaper reporter (This job also served as an internship during my junior year in college — I just didn’t leave for about 6 years.), I quickly realized that all my experience, and all my years of journalism education had not been enough to help me write stories about drug busts, fatal car accidents and tornadoes. All the theoretical work I’d done, and all of the nifty little scholastic and collegiate stories I had done, did not prepare me for real world writing.

At that point, I had to find a solution quickly. After all, I had a deadline to meet, and it was only a few hours away.

One of my colleagues, who also served as a mentor, had the solution. She introduced me to the newspaper’s “morgue.” This was a room filled with filing cabinets in which we kept old — dead — stories arranged by reporter. Whenever I wasn’t’ sure how to write a story, all I had to do was check the morgue for similar stories. If I needed to write a story about a local drug bust, for example, I’d find another story on a similar incident, study its structure, and mentally create a formula in which to plugin the information I’d gathered.

Once I’d gained more experience, and had internalized the formula for that particular type of story, I felt free to branch out as the situation — and my training — warranted.

I do the same thing when I want to write a type of letter, brochure, or report that I’ve never written before.

This is what writing looks like in the real world.

Of course, if you’re a new teacher like me, there is one problem with providing mentor texts to my students: I have a dearth of middle school level writing sitting around in my file cabinets.

Fortunately, the Internet is full of sources, so I scoured the bowels of Google to find examples. I know how busy you are, so I’m sharing.

Expository writing examples for middle school

Below are several sources of expository writing samples for middle school students.

• The Write Source Expository Writing Samples
• Holt, Rinehart, Winston Expository Essay Models

Finally, here is an article in the New York Times that will help you teach your students  real-world expository writing skills .

Descriptive writing examples for middle school

• Descriptive Writing Samples from Novels
• Milwaukee Public Schools Descriptive Essay Samples (p. 137)
• Holt, Rinehart, Winston Descriptive Essay Models

Narrative writing examples for middle school

• Writing Samples by Steve Peha (PDF)
• The Write Source Narrative Writing Samples
• Oregon Department of Education Scored Writing Samples (Ideas and Organization)
• Oregon Department of Education Scored Writing Samples (Sentence Fluency and Conventions)
• Oregon Department of Education Scored Writing Samples (Voice and Word Choice)
• Oregon Department of Education High School Scored Narrative and Argumentative Writing Samples
• Holt, Rinehart, Winston Narrative Essay Models

Argumentative/persuasive writing examples for middle school

• The Write Source Persuasive Writing Samples
• Holt, Rinehart, Winston Persuasive Essay Models

Reflective writing examples for middle school

• Reflective essay examples from Lake Washington Girls Middle School

If you know of any other online writing example sources, please feel free to share them in the comments below.

Related topics: Argumentative Writing , Informative Writing , Mentor Texts , Narrative Writing

About the author 

Michelle Boyd Waters, M.Ed.

I am a secondary English Language Arts teacher, a University of Oklahoma student working on my doctorate in Instructional Leadership and Academic Curriculum with an concentration in English Education and co-Editor of the Oklahoma English Journal. I am constantly seeking ways to amplify students' voices and choices.

This is very, very helpful. Thank you for sharing!

As a new middle school teacher (coming from elementary) this was very helpful and encouraging.

Thank you very much for letting me know. I’m glad that I was able to help you!

Thank you! I’m glad I can help.

Your welcome

This is super helpful. Thank you!

These links are a fantastic help. Thank you!

This helped me BUNCHES! Thanks so much!

thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

These links are now dead 🙁

Thank you for notifying me! I have updated the post to include new (live!) links. Some of them are geared towards high school, but I think we can still use them as exemplars of what we want our students to aim for.

Comments are closed.

Admit NY’s Guide to Middle and High School Application Essays

Student essays are one of the most difficult components of the middle and high school admissions process. Applicants are usually writing admissions essays for the first time, and they’re not sure what to write about or how to differentiate these pieces of writing from the kind they do in English class. All of these difficulties mean that students drag their feet in writing middle and high school application essays, causing more stress at the end of the admissions process.

Remember, though: essays don’t have to be as stressful as they seem. Students can view essays as an opportunity to share an authentic part of themselves with admissions committees, better ensuring that both the student and the school are confident about mutual fit. Here are a few tips to reframe the essay writing process and ensure high-quality writing:

These are the student’s essays, not the parent’s. Make sure that all writing submitted is the student’s own work. Schools are very savvy about catching essays that have been written by parents or anyone besides the student. In short, don’t be those people - it’s far riskier to submit a parent-written essay than it is to submit a student-written essay that isn’t perfectly written.

Respond directly to the prompt. Yes, schools are looking for direct responses to the prompts; don’t use essays as an opportunity to expand on other components of the application or tell unrelated stories, unless those topics are tightly related to the question being asked. Check in frequently during writing to make sure that each paragraph of the essay builds an argument related to the prompt.

Think of an essay as a written interview. Essays represent an additional opportunity to open up to the admissions committee, painting a full picture of the student as an academic, athlete, friend, community member, daughter/son, sibling, etc. While essays should tie in to the same themes as the rest of your application (persistence, interest in STEM, etc.), it’s best to use essays to also introduce something new that hasn’t been shared in other parts of the application.

Essays bring personality to the application. Admissions profiles without essays are boring: a list of biographical information, scores, and numbers. Essays are the best chance to “hook” the admissions officer: include an interesting anecdote, write in a unique voice, and infuse writing with personality. While there is a limit to how unique an essay can be (essays that completely ignore the prompt or are written in a hard-to-understand style are counterproductive), it’s best to aim for a very unique essay from the first draft.

Differentiate these essays from school essays. There are many reasons why middle and high school application essays are different from English papers and book reports. First, these essays are explicitly about the student: they should be written in first-person and include much more personal detail than would be typical in a school essay. Second, students can be more flexible in the writing conventions of application essays. While application essays should certainly be structured, logical, and grammatically-correct, they usually don’t need to include a strict thesis or body paragraph structure as students have been taught in English class.

Quality over quantity. Some students write an excellent essay and then panic when they realize they still have 100 words left until the maximum word count. Don’t feel the need to add filler content! A punchy, personal essay that is on the shorter side is much better than a verbose essay that relies on cliches and redundant sentences to fill word count.

Show off quality writing. Application essays are the perfect opportunity to learn some new vocabulary words, vary sentence structure, and use a range of rhetorical devices. Be careful not to pack the essay with too much jargon, but sprinkle in a few polished phrases alongside personal anecdotes to impress the reader. And of course, triple-check the essay for grammar, punctuation, and spelling before submission!

Looking for some extra help on the middle and high school application essays? Our admissions experts have years of experience as educators, admissions officers, and admissions consultants. Reach out today for a check-in.

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Encouraging Your Child to Write a Self-Revealing Application Essay

What is your child’s superpower? Schools want to know what makes your child unique—what they would add to the classroom or community that others do not. Many middle school students aren’t accustomed to this type of writing, and application essays might be their first experience with it. 

Schools try to make essay questions applicable to a wide audience, and the topics typically fit a concrete five-paragraph essay structure. Consequently, when middle school students write about a challenge, a favorite activity, or a hero, they often miss the opportunity to link that essay to something that showcases them as a special, unique individual. 

To help your child write a self-revealing essay, there are some simple questions below that you can pose to them beforehand or while brainstorming. While they may only need to answer one or two of these questions for the essay to achieve more, it’s helpful to offer a few options with slightly different phrasing. 

Please note that the schools want to hear your child’s voice; please refrain from editing or helping your child write the essay. Not only is this important so schools can make fair, equitable decisions, but they will easily detect overly polished essays that don’t contain a middle school student’s voice. However, helping your child set goals for this process is a completely different concept. 

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<span class="text-color-orange" role="decoration"> If writing about an activity… </span>

Children will naturally describe the aspects they love about the activity, along with the accolades or successes they’ve had; however, they often miss the opportunity to connect it to what makes them an interesting or compelling candidate. Questions you can ask to help draw this out of them include:

• What is it about you as a person that drew you to this activity? 
• How has this activity fundamentally changed you as a person? 
• What have you learned about yourself as a result of being part of this activity?
• What do you bring to school X as a result of being part of this activity?
• How would your life be different if you did not participate in this activity?
• How is this activity related to something that makes you particularly proud or unique?

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<span class="text-color-lightblue" role="decoration"> If writing about a challenge… </span>

Children typically write about the challenge and how they overcame it without linking it to something that makes them unique or changed from the experience. Questions to ask:

• Why did you choose to write about this challenge instead of others you’ve had?
• How has this challenge changed your perspective about your life or others’ lives?
• As a result of this challenge, what have you learned about yourself or others?
• What does this challenge illustrate about who you are as a person?
• What do you bring to school X as a result of this challenge?
• How is this challenge related to something that makes you particularly proud or unique?

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<span class="text-color-green" role="decoration"> If writing about a hero… </span>

Children are known to write about their hero’s amazing accomplishments without saying why their achievements are important to them.  They may also leave out what they have in common with this hero. Questions to ask:

• Why did you choose to write about this hero?
• How has this hero influenced your life or the lives of people you care about?
• What have you learned about yourself through watching this hero?
• What do you have in common with this hero?
• What do you bring to school X that is similar to what your hero brings to the world?
• How is this hero related to something that makes you particularly proud or unique?

Encouraging your child to think introspectively through the above questions will help them write the type of self-revealing essay that stands out in the admissions process. For more tips on essay writing, read How to Write an Awesome Private School Admission Essay .

Jamie Moffett is the founder of Walking Feet Advisors , an advising practice for families applying to independent schools. She previously served as the director of admission K–8 at Marin Country Day School in Corte Madera, California, where she worked for eighteen years.

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3 Tips for Writing Your Child's Private School Application Essay

How to harness the power of storytelling.

By Soojung Smith

Published on: october 30, 2017.

It’s that time of year again: the busy admissions season for private and independent K–12 schools. Keeping track of each school's open houses, campus tours, parent and student interview dates and test requirements can feel like a full-time job. 

Each year, more families are considering private schools for their children and competition for top private schools in the greater Seattle area has become increasingly fierce. Some elite private schools admit fewer than 10 percent of their applicants from a highly qualified candidate pool. High standardized test (SSAT and ISEE) scores and GPAs alone, unfortunately, don’t guarantee a spot at these coveted schools. They're interested in forming a diverse and well-rounded student body that delves beyond students’ test scores and grades.

Some elite private schools admit fewer than 10 percent of their applicants.

One of the biggest mistakes I've seen families make in preparing their child’s applications for admission is to treat the information they submit as separate data points. Rather than painting a complete picture of their student, parent and student essays often read like a student activity form.

To give your child the best chance of success, it's important to be intentional and thoughtful about your child’s application. Remember that admission committees are interested in learning about your child and what your family can offer, and how you will contribute to their schools and school communities.

Here are a few tips to help you make the most of your child's private school application.

Know what it is you want to say about your child and your family: What are the key messages you want to convey?  

• Think about how you and others see your child. You as parents? Grandparents? Their siblings? How would their friends describe them? Teachers? Neighbors?
• What keywords begin to emerge? Kind? Mature? Creative? Curious? Inventive? A maker? A leader?
• Choose three to five themes that best capture core identities of your child.
• Use your child’s essential qualities, be it their achievements, unique experiences, activities or interests to make the connection to these themes.
• Once themes emerge, look broadly and creatively at parent and student essays, activity profile, teacher recommendations, and other application elements for opportunities to weave these ideas together for differentiation.

Start working on essays and other application elements

• Typically, families apply for three to five schools and, depending upon schools under consideration, you may end up with writing not only a common set of essays but also other unique ones they require from applicants and their families.
• These requirements all add up, expecting a significant amount of time and efforts on your and your child’s end. Good writing is a process; it doesn’t happen overnight. Be prepared to go through three rounds of drafts of parent and student essays to get to final “quality” ones you and your student feel proud of. Try to have solid first drafts by the end of October, the second one by the end of November and the final draft by the end of December.   
• Make sure you write parent essays while your child writes their student essays. You can lend help to your child, but they need to provide original and thoughtful answers in their portion of the applications as well as during interviews. Schools can tell if a parent writes student essays and even go so far as to collect writing samples.

Use essays and other application elements for effective storytelling

• Use a parent statement, student essays and an extracurricular activity profile to let the reader in: Who is your child? What do they care most? Who is their hero? Why? How do these insights connect with other information you are submitting about your child and your family? Is there a particular story(ies) that helps to describe your child and your family best?
• Distill the story that defines your child and your family in the space provided in online applications before the deadline for completed applications. Each essay question has a specific word count you can’t exceed, so be mindful of how you will use precious real estate to convey main messages for differentiation.

Effective storytelling alone won’t necessarily put your child over the top if they aren't already a competitive candidate. But it goes hand-in-hand with solid standardized test scores and GPAs for robust applications. Let schools know how unique your child and your family are. Let them know how your child and family will contribute to a diverse student body. Good luck!

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About the author.

Soojung Smith is a family education coach, author, CEO and board advisor, and former Microsoft marketing executive. Her children attend two private schools on the Eastside. Soojung supports parents with challenging issues such as private school vs. public school, private school admissions, and students’ executive functioning skills and their public speaking competencies. Email Soojung at  [email protected] .

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The 2021-22 Common Application Essay Prompts

Tips and Guidance for the 7 Essay Options on the New Common Application

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• Ph.D., English, University of Pennsylvania
• M.A., English, University of Pennsylvania
• B.S., Materials Science & Engineering and Literature, MIT

For the 2021-22 application cycle, the Common Application  essay prompts remain unchanged from the 2020-21 cycle with the exception of an all new option #4. As in the past, with the inclusion of the popular "Topic of Your Choice" option, you have the opportunity to write about anything you want to share with the folks in the admissions office.

The current prompts are the result of much discussion and debate from the member institutions who use the Common Application. The essay length limit stands at 650 words (the minimum is 250 words), and students will need to choose from the seven options below. The essay prompts are designed to encourage reflection and introspection. The best essays focus on self-analysis, rather than spending a disproportionate amount of time merely describing a place or event. Analysis, not description, will reveal the critical thinking skills that are the hallmark of a promising college student. If your essay doesn't include some self-analysis, you haven't fully succeeded in responding to the prompt.

According to the folks at the Common Application , in the 2018-19 admissions cycle, Option #7 (topic of your choice) was the most popular and was used by 24.1% of applicants. The second most popular was Option #5 (discuss an accomplishment) with 23.7% of applicants. In third place was Option #2 on a setback or failure. 21.1% of applicants chose that option.

From the Admissions Desk

"While the transcript and grades will always be the most important piece in the review of an application, essays can help a student stand out. The stories and information shared in an essay are what the Admissions Officer will use to advocate for the student in the admissions committee."

–Valerie Marchand Welsh Director of College Counseling, The Baldwin School Former Associate Dean of Admissions, University of Pennsylvania

Always keep in mind why colleges are asking for an essay: they want to get to know you better. Nearly all selective colleges and universities (as well as many that aren't overly selective) have holistic admissions, and they consider many factors in addition to numerical measures such as grades and standardized test scores. Your essay is an important tool for presenting something you find important that may not come across elsewhere in your application. Make sure your essay presents you as the type of person a college will want to invite to join their community.

Below are the seven options with some general tips for each:

Option #1  

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

"Identity" is at the heart of this prompt. What is it that makes you you? The prompt gives you a lot of latitude for answering the question since you can write a story about your "background, identity, interest, or talent." Your "background" can be a broad environmental factor that contributed to your development such as growing up in a military family, living in an interesting place, or dealing with an unusual family situation. You could write about an event or series of events that had a profound impact on your identity. Your "interest" or "talent" could be a passion that has driven you to become the person you are today. However you approach the prompt, make sure you are inward looking and explain how and why  the story you tell is so meaningful. 

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #1
• Sample essay for option #1: "Handiwork" by Vanessa
• Sample essay for option #1: "My Dads" by Charlie
• Sample essay for option #1: "Give Goth a Chance"
• Sample essay for option #1: "Wallflower"

Option #2  

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

This prompt may seem to go against everything that you've learned on your path to college. It's far more comfortable in an application to celebrate successes and accomplishments than it is to discuss setbacks and failure. At the same time, you'll impress the college admissions folks greatly if you can show your ability to learn from your failures and mistakes. Be sure to devote significant space to the second half of the question—how did you learn and grow from the experience? Introspection and honesty are key with this prompt.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #2
• Sample essay for option #2: "Striking Out" by Richard
• Sample essay for option #2: "Student Teacher" by Max

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Keep in mind how open-ended this prompt truly is. The "belief or idea" you explore could be your own, someone else's, or that of a group. The best essays will be honest as they explore the difficulty of working against the status quo or a firmly held belief. The answer to the final question about the "outcome" of your challenge need not be a success story. Sometimes in retrospection, we discover that the cost of an action was perhaps too great. However you approach this prompt, your essay needs to reveal one of your core personal values. If the belief you challenged doesn't give the admissions folks a window into your personality, then you haven't succeeded with this prompt.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #3
• Sample essay for option #3: "Gym Class Hero" by Jennifer

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

Here, again, the Common Application gives you a lot of options for approaching the question since it is entirely up to you to decide what the "something" and "someone" will be. This prompt was added to the Common Application in the 2021-22 admissions cycle in part because it gives students the opportunity to write something heartfelt and uplifting after all the challenges of the previous year. The best essays for this prompt show that you are a generous person who recognizes the contributions others have made to your personal journey. Unlike many essays that are all about "me, me, me," this essay shows your ability to appreciate others. This type of generosity is an important character trait that schools look for when inviting people to join their campus communities.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #4

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

This question was reworded in 2017-18 admissions cycle, and the current language is a huge improvement. The prompt use to talk about transitioning from childhood to adulthood, but the new language about a "period of personal growth" is a much better articulation of how we actually learn and mature (no single event makes us adults). Maturity comes as the result of a long train of events and accomplishments (and failures). This prompt is an excellent choice if you want to explore a single event or achievement that marked a clear milestone in your personal development. Be careful to avoid the "hero" essay—admissions offices are often overrun with essays about the season-winning touchdown or brilliant performance in the school play (see the list of bad essay topics for more about this issue). These can certainly be fine topics for an essay, but make sure your essay is analyzing your personal growth process, not bragging about an accomplishment.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #5
• Sample essay for option #5: "Buck Up" by Jill

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

This option was entirely new in 2017, and it's a wonderfully broad prompt. In essence, it's asking you to identify and discuss something that enthralls you. The question gives you an opportunity to identify something that kicks your brain into high gear, reflect on why it is so stimulating, and reveal your process for digging deeper into something that you are passionate about. Note that the central words here—"topic, idea, or concept"—all have rather academic connotations. While you may lose track of time when running or playing football, sports are probably not the best choice for this particular question.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #6

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

The popular "topic of your choice" option had been removed from the Common Application between 2013 and 2016, but it returned again with the 2017-18 admissions cycle. Use this option if you have a story to share that doesn't quite fit into any of the options above. However, the first six topics are extremely broad with a lot of flexibility, so make sure your topic really can't be identified with one of them. Also, don't equate "topic of your choice" with a license to write a comedy routine or poem (you can submit such things via the "Additional Info" option). Essays written for this prompt still need to have substance and tell your reader something about you. Cleverness is fine, but don't be clever at the expense of meaningful content.

• See more Tips and Strategies for Essay Option #7
• Sample essay for option #7: "My Hero Harpo" by Alexis
• Sample essay for option #7: "Grandpa's Rubik's Cube"

Final Thoughts

Whichever prompt you chose, make sure you are looking inward. What do you value? What has made you grow as a person? What makes you the unique individual the admissions folks will want to invite to join their campus community? The best essays spend significant time with self-analysis rather than merely describing a place or event.

The folks at The Common Application have cast a wide net with these questions, and nearly anything you want to write about could fit under at least one of the options. If your essay could fit under more than one option, it really doesn't matter which one you choose. Many admissions officers, in fact, don't even look at which prompt you chose—they just want to see that you have written a good essay.

• Tips for Writing an Essay on an Event That Led to Personal Growth
• Tips for the Pre-2013 Personal Essay Options on the Common Application
• Common Application Essay Option 2 Tips: Learning from Failure
• Common Application Essay Option 3 Tips: Challenging a Belief
• Common Application Essay on a Meaningful Place
• 2020-21 Common Application Essay Option 4—Solving a Problem
• "Grandpa's Rubik's Cube"—Sample Common Application Essay, Option #4
• Common Application Essay, Option 1: Share Your Story
• 5 Tips for a College Admissions Essay on an Important Issue
• Tips for an Application Essay on a Significant Experience
• How to Ace Your University of Wisconsin Personal Statements
• Addressing Diversity in a College Application Essay
• Tips for the 8 University of California Personal Insight Questions
• The Length Requirements for the Common Application Essay in 2020-21
• Tips for Writing a Winning College Transfer Essay
• Private School Application Essay Tips

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Student Writing Samples and Analysis for Elementary, Middle School, and High School: Complete Collection

How do you bring objectivity to teaching writing? Authentic student writing samples from state writing assessments are an excellent tool that helps teachers bring objectivity to teaching writing. Of course, it sure helps if the writing samples are accompanied by objective analysis, scoring, and commentary. You will find all of that and more on this page!

Many teachers evaluate their students’ writing progress by examining what they can get their students to produce as an end result. They look at what they can get their students to produce in a lesson, and they place great importance on what they can get their students to produce to place on a bulletin board. Certainly, I care about those things, too. But I primarily measure my students’ writing progress by examining and monitoring their independent writing. It’s not about what I can get them to do—it’s about what they do when left to their own devices.

We have three types of independent student writing:

1.   daily writing across the curriculum 2.   state and district writing assessments 3.   independent writing assignments

My purpose here is not to discuss independent student writing, but instead to explain why the following collection of objective, authentic student writing samples are so valuable and helpful. Usually, when we see samples of student writing (other than our own students’ writing), they are polished examples, and we have no idea of what went into creating them. How much time? How many drafts? Who guided the piece of writing? How much guiding? What forms of guidance?

In contrast, we all know exactly how these state writing assessment samples were created; we all know the exact writing situation in which these pieces of writing were created; we all know that no teacher had any influence on any of these pieces of writing once the assignment was given. This writing is what students produced when given plenty of time and left to their own devices.

An Awesome Collection of Released Student-Writing Samples with Analysis and Commentary

I have always linked to valuable collections of resources that I have come across that can help teachers teach writing and achieve success on writing assessments. Here are two of the best:

1.  Released Writing Prompts for State Testing

2.  State Writing Assessment Tools and Resources : This page contains links to all of these valuable resources from many state writing assessments: 1) released writing prompts, 2) scoring rubrics, 3) anchor papers, scoring commentary, student writing samples, 4) teacher guides and/or test directions, 5) and more!

Below you will find another collection of valuable resources—a collection of released student writing samples. Since creating Pattern Based Writing: Quick & Easy Essay , I’ve interacted with teachers from all over the country—and even the world. A kind teacher up in Oregon who is using Pattern Based Writing: Quick & Easy Essay sent me these links. She is thrilled that the number of her students scoring high on the Oregon State Writing Assessment has doubled since she began using the program.

This collection of released student writing samples has five great qualities:

1.   It includes writing samples for grades 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 10.

2.   It includes scoring analysis for every single essay in grades 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 10.

3.   It includes writing samples for four important genres: 1) expository, 2) narrative: personal, 3) narrative: imaginative, and 4) persuasive (starts in grade 5).

4.   It includes writing samples for five scoring levels: 1) low, 2) medium-low, 3) medium, 4) medium-high, and 5) high.

5.   In total, the collection contains about 325 pages of released student writing samples and scoring analysis!

Here’s the Collection!

Please Note: I used to link to the scoring guide and rubrics, but the files seem to have been moved. Truthfully, they are not necessary at all. Furthermore, you will find links to many excellent Six-Trait rubrics here , including the original Six Traits rubric from Oregon (where it all began).

This collection scores papers using the Six Traits of Writing: 1) Ideas and Content, 2) Organization, 3) Voice, 4) Word Choice, 5) Sentence Fluency, and 6) Conventions. Since the rise of the Common Core, Oregon has used a couple of different scoring models that use different traits, including a few genre-specific traits. However, this collection of student writing samples remains one of the best available.

•  Grade 3 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 4 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 5 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 6 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 7 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 8 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

•  Grade 9 There aren’t any.

•  Grade 10 Student Writing Samples and Scoring Analysis

Common Core Update: 686 Pages of K-12 Common Core Student Writing Samples

Are you interested in 686 pages of K-12 Common Core student writing samples? If you are, be sure to download this awesome collection! To be honest, I was surprised when I clicked on the link and discovered this wonderful bounty.

•  In Common: Effective Writing for All Students Collection of All Student Work Samples, K-12

Are You Interested in Paragraphs?

Now that you have your student writing samples, I pose this question to you: Do you want to understand how the best writers and the lowest scoring writers created their paragraphs on those writing samples? If you do, be sure to read the following two resources. The above collection of student writing samples played a role in both of these:

1.  Paragraph Length: How the Best Student Writers Create Paragraphs on State Writing Assessments   2.  The Ten Stages of Paragraph and Multi-Paragraph Mastery eBook

How to Use These Student Writing Samples to Teach Writing

“Habit #2: Start with the end in mind.” Stephen R. Covey – The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Primary Purpose: The primary purpose of these student writing samples is to help teachers become experts in analyzing student writing. Furthermore, these student writing samples help teachers figure out how to begin with the end in mind. Teachers must begin with the end in mind if they want their students’ writing to end up where they want it to be.

Furthermore, teachers can use these student writing samples in the classroom to teach students about creating, analyzing, and evaluating writing. Here are ten ideas to get you started:

1.   Choose and print out a few essays and commentary that you want to focus on.

2.   Examine the essays and commentary. What are your students doing correctly? What are your students not doing correctly? What do your students need to learn? Read the commentary and make a list of skills that you want to teach your students. Plan out how you are going to teach those skills.

3.   Use a Six-Trait rubric go over a number of essays with your students. (You will find links to many different Six-Trait rubrics here .) Teach your students what scorers are looking for. What makes for a high scoring essay and what makes for a low scoring essay? What went right with the high-scoring essays? What went wrong with the low-scoring essays?

4.   Create or find a few student-friendly rubrics . Have students score at least a few essays using these rubrics. Make sure your students understand the rubrics, and if you have the time, you may want to have your students help create a simple rubric.

5.   Compare and contrast the genres. This activity is a great way to show students different types of writing and different styles. Play the game, “Name the Genre.” What are the qualities and characteristics of the writing genre that you see in the sample essays? How can you tell it is a particular type of writing? (Note: “Name the Genre” is also an effective strategy to use with writing prompts, and in particular, with released writing prompts .)

6.   Have students compare and contrast essays that have different scores. Have students compare and contrast essays with the same scores but from different grades levels.

7.   Use the low scores to show your students how good their writing is. Use the high scores to show your students where they need to improve.

8.   Have students edit or build upon one of the sample essays. Take one of the low scoring essays and have your students transform it into a high scoring essay. You can do this with each genre of writing. Help your students see the similarities and the differences across different types of writing.

9.   Demonstrate how neatness matters. Some of the sample essays are messy. Even a few high scoring ones are messy. Discuss how difficult it can be for scorers to fairly assess messy writing. Note: Students will often see messy writing on a decent paper and think that the paper is a low scoring paper. Explain that while rubrics do help prevent this rush to judgment, they do not eliminate it. This exercise also helps illustrate how important rubrics are, and how students must, in one sense, write for the rubric.

10.   Show your students how all of the important writing skills that you have been teaching them are found in the high-scoring papers and are missing from the low-scoring papers.

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• Application for admission middle school

Application for admission middle school - Essay Example

• Subject: Other
• Type: Essay
• Level: High School
• Pages: 1 (250 words)
• Downloads: 3
• Author: friesenjason

Extract of sample "Application for admission middle school"

Module: Life being as tricky as it is requires one to be humble and to uphold good morals to gain personal respect (Richards and Fox 62). It is through upholding this that I emerge victorious in my endeavours. I personally like education and schooling due to the knowledge and exposure I am offered. I want to pursue my studies with dedication so as to become a medical doctor. The basis of this is to live a positive life by giving more than I receive through saving lives and helping people in general.

I am quite good in interpersonal skills, outgoing and focused, all of which have enabled me to scoop a number of awards in school. One is the Doing the Right Thing Award given after I fed a quadriplegic student every day during lunch hour for one year. The second is Student of the Month awarded to me by teachers for assisting fellow students to excel in their homework. The third is Team Spirit Award scooped for helping fellow students to perform to their full potential through my encouragement.

In addition to the above, I am a volunteer at the Humane Society and Food Panty and a member of my school’s Volunteering Committee. I am also an elected member of the Students Council and a teachers-elected Safety Patrol for 2 years. My teacher also has selected me to be helping young students in their performance during and after school. I believe that in Middle School I will offer these and more so as to improve the lives of others while excelling in my studies. Works cited Richards, Keith and Fox, James. Life. Little, Brown and Company, 2010.

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Admissions Matters: The Essay

Editor's Note: I am most grateful to Kate Fisher, who is an expert in admissions essays with Noodle Pros , for explaining how to handle the inevitable essay portion of your child's private school admissions application. ~Rob

If your child is applying to a private middle school or high school, he or she will likely have to write an admissions essay. It is important to remember that this is not a college admissions essay, which means that the standards used to assess your child’s writing ability are lower. However, this also means that it’s much easier for admissions officers to quickly identify essays that a parent, teacher, or tutor has had too heavy a hand in.

It is extremely difficult to disguise adult involvement in an essay that is supposed to be written by a child applying to middle school or high school. You may feel uncomfortable allowing your child to submit his or her essay without reading it over. If you choose to help him or her by proofreading or editing it, remember to make sure the language, syntax, and sentence structure remain age-appropriate. No private school admissions officer expects a rising sixth grader to write as well as an award-winning novelist, let alone a college-educated adult.

The best way to ensure the success of your child’s admissions essay is to show how to choose the right essay. Most private schools ask applicants to choose one prompt from a list of several. Helping your child brainstorm which topic to write about is a great way for you to be involved without heavily editing or actually writing the essay. When helping your child select a prompt, try to gauge which topic appeals the most. If none of the topics spark excitement which happens more often than not, try to determine what kind of prompt will best help showcase your child's personality.

While the list of prompts is long, most fall under a few broader categories, which I have listed below with some prompts I have seen over the past few years.

Prompts encouraging writing about others.

Who do you admire? If you were to develop a Mount Rushmore of the 21st Century, which four individuals would be represented and why?

The world's governments have decided to put a permanently manned colony on Mars. You are part of the advisory committee planning the settlement. You may select four people to live in the colony. What characteristics or skills would you want them to have to be able to influence the new Martian society?

Tell us about a fictional character in literature, comic books, film or television that you admire. What are the traits that this individual exhibits that make them worthy of your admiration?

The first two prompts are easy to translate into a straightforward essay structure, i.e., introduction, body paragraphs for each of the four individuals, and conclusion. But neither offers the applicant the opportunity to reveal very much about him or herself. In fact, most students choose the same people - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton appear on nine out of ten essays of this ilk that I have read - or people with similar roles - Steve Jobs and Bill Gates also show up on many essays with prompts like these.

While the fictional character prompt may seem fun, students often get distracted by providing context in terms of plot and don’t fully answer the question. Try to steer your child away from topics that encourage writing about other people.

Prompts which encourage writing about you.

What is the relationship between your life in school and your life outside of school?

Tell us about your best experience in school and your best experience out of school. What made each of them the best?

Of all of the things you are learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you are an adult?

What do you do in your extracurricular life that demonstrates a commitment to learning beyond the classroom?

These prompts all ask the applicant to relate his or her life in school to life outside of school. This allows the student to provide a more holistic view of who they are, not just in the classroom, but also in extracurricular pursuits. If your child knows what clubs or activities he or she wants to pursue in middle school or high school, topics in this category are a great choice.

Prompts requiring thoughtful, specific responses.

Who are you? You're writing the story of your life so far. What's the title? Why?

If your family had its own flag, what would be on it? If you had your own personal flag, would it be different from your family's flag? In what way?

Describe something you're hoping for, and discuss the obstacles or difficulties that must be overcome if this goal is to be achieved, either by you or by others.

Prompts like these can be a bit overwhelming for some students, and indeed for many adults given the almost existential quality of some of the questions in this category. It is difficult for a student applying to sixth grade to know what the title of the story of his or her life is so far. If your child chooses to write an essay on a prompt that describes who they are in the grand scheme of the world at large, make sure that the response stays specific rather than general.

Regardless of the topic your child chooses to write about, the essay is only one element of what is a highly-involved application replete with test scores, teacher recommendations, and on-site interviews. Try to present this writing assignment as a fun exercise which allows your child to showcase his or her personality, thereby standing out from the other applicants.

Click here for a complimentary consultation with Noodle Pro Kate Fisher.

Questions? Contact us on Twitter. @privateschoolreview

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10 Winning Scholarship Essay Examples From Real Students

Make your application shine.

Writing a scholarship essay can be intimidating. The competition is fierce and the stakes are high, so students are bound to feel the pressure. It may be helpful, therefore, to look at essays that were successful. What did those students do to impress the committee? These scholarship essay examples will give you a better idea of how to make an application shine! 

Tips for Writing a Scholarship Essay

We’ve put together a whole guide for how to write a scholarship essay , so if you haven’t read it already, definitely give it a look! In addition, here are some quick tips to help students get started. 

Carefully read the rules

The last thing you need is to be disqualified from winning a scholarship because you didn’t do the right thing. 

Start early

Don’t wait until the last minute to start researching and applying for scholarships. Give yourself plenty of time to work through the process. 

Get to know the provider

Think of the scholarship provider as your target audience. You want to tailor your essay to impress them, so do your research. What kinds of candidates are they looking for? What causes do they support? Dig deep for the information you need!

Think about who you are, what you want to say, and how to appeal to the scholarship committee. Write everything down and then choose the best ideas. 

The scholarship committee will be reviewing many applications. How can you make yours unforgettable? Highlight your strongest assets, share hard lessons if they showcase your growth as a person and/or student, and be honest. Never lie in a scholarship essay!

Be professional

Consider this the most important academic paper you’ve ever written. Don’t use slang or casual language. Submit a properly formatted essay that’s been well-edited and proofread by multiple people.

One last tip

Don’t reuse scholarship essays! Yes, it’s time-consuming, but students need to put the same effort into every application. Use the same process and it will get faster and easier every time!

Scholarship Essay Examples

Afc visionary scholarship essay by nicole kuznetsov.

Award Amount: $5,000

Essay prompt: Why do you want to go to college? Why is it important to you?

Why it was successful: The  beauty of this essay is that it’s well-organized and simple. Nicole Kuznetsov chose to outline her story by using chronology and provided a clean, concise story following a linear path.

North Coast Section Foundation Scholarship Essay by Christine Fung

Award Amount: $1,000

Why it was successful: Christine Fung masterfully shared how her upbringing instilled strong values, a love for education, and a passion for medicine .

The Bill Browning Scholarship Essay by Gabby DeMott

Award Amount: $10,000

Essay prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Why it was successful: Gabby DeMott shared her experiences with personal growth and overcoming fears in Germany. She also appealed to the very human feeling of wanting to belong in a way that was inspiring. 

Life Happens Scholarship Essay by Emily Trader

Award Amount: $15,000

Essay prompt: How has the death of a parent or guardian impacted your life financially and emotionally? Be sure to describe how the loss of your parent/guardian impacted your college plans, and explain how the lack of adequate (or any) life insurance coverage has impacted your family’s financial situation.

Why it was successful: Emily Trader fully addressed the prompt in honest, beautiful detail. She knew her audience and tailored her essay to appeal to them while telling her compelling story. 

Change a Life Foundation Scholarship Essay by Isabella Mendez-Figueroa

Essay prompt: Please explain how your experience volunteering and participating in community service has shaped your perspective on humanity. Elaborate on how these experiences have influenced your future ambitions and career choice.

Why it was successful: Isabella Mendez-Figueroa shared an empowering story about her parents overcoming financial adversity so that she and her sister could be the first in their family to go to college. 

Giva Scholarship Essay by Joseph Lee

Essay prompt: Who is (or what makes) a good doctor?

Why it was successful: Joseph Lee offered a captivating , personal story that was essentially a list of things that make someone a good doctor without it feeling boring or calculated. 

New York University College of Arts and Science Scholarship by Ana

Award amount: $39,500 

Essay prompt: Explain something that made a big impact in your life.

Why it was successful: Ana discussed how early experiences w ith learning difficult things has contributed to her passion for teaching and supporting students. 

The Fund for Education Abroad Rainbow Scholarship Essay  by Steven Fisher

Award amount: $7,500

Essay prompt: The Fund for Education Abroad is committed to diversifying education abroad by providing funding to students who are typically under-represented in study abroad. Please describe how you and/or your plans for study abroad could be viewed as under-represented.

Why it was successful: Steven Fisher’s powerful essay   connected his realizations about his own sexual identity with embracing the beautiful diversity found all around the world. 

Women’s World Banking Founder’s Scholarship Essay by Rosaisha Ozoria

Essay prompt: Write about your hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide.

Why it was successful: Rosaisha Ozoria   focused on a very specific topic , financial literacy for Hispanic women, and emphasized its importance and relevance to her own life. 

The Millennium Gates Last Dollar Scholarship Essay by Famyrah Lafortune

Award amount: $3,500

Essay prompt: Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” —Nelson Mandela Describe a change you would like to make in the world. Tell us about how you would plan to make that change, and what obstacles you might encounter along the way.

Why it was successful: Famyrah Lafortune starts with a strong statement about ending racial inequality and then details the steps she’ll take to make it happen. 

Do you have any great scholarship essay examples? Share them below!

Plus, check out  the ultimate guide to college scholarships, want more suggestions be sure to subscribe to our newsletters ..

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60+ College Essay Prompts From Actual 2023-2024 Applications

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• National Junior Honor Society Essay Examples and Guidelines
• February 8, 2022

The National Junior Honor Society (NHJS) awards students exceptional in their studies. It celebrates students who succeed in character, responsibility, academics, and devotion. This article on the National Junior Honor Society Essay Examples and Guidelines provides insights to inform the essay better.

The main objective of writing an NJHS Is proof that you are an ideal candidate and qualified to join this elite club. To get into the NJHS, you will have to satisfy all NJHS criteria. This includes having at least a 3.7 GPA or 4.3 QPA- this will put you in a better position to be considered. Other criteria include fulfilling membership qualifications like personality traits, experiences, or strategic vision.

I will provide insights in this article as to how you can create a distinctive and original write-up.

This will assist you in making yourself stand out as an extraordinary candidate and enable you to present yourself as a worthy candidate. You will discover tips for writing the National Junior Honor Society Essay and samples to help you write a better essay.

Watch Video: Tips To Writing National Junior Honor Society Essay

Sample essay for the National Juniors Honor Society.

It has always been my dream to become a member of the National Juniors Honor Society. Being chosen by my teachers and other leaders is an honour. The National Honor Society is an exceptional organization that allows students to help the needy, children, the elderly, and nonprofit organizations. I would be excited to join such a society because of the limitless opportunities it would present to me. Joining NHS would allow me to grow as a person and do as much as I can for others. In my years as a student, I have shown great examples of scholarship, leadership, character, and service that I believe would qualify me to join this prestigious society. I believe that I can become a valuable member of the NHS because I am hardworking, reliable and I possess all the qualities required by this prestigious organization, such as scholarship, leadership, character, and service abilities. My academic achievements result from my hard work and assurance that my membership in NHS is another step that will enable me to achieve success and cherish the chances of becoming a leader and thus a worthy role model for other people. By having a GPA of 3.91 and 3.92 in the 9th and 10th grades, respectively, I have proven to my teachers and myself that I can make my dreams come true. One of these dreams is to have the honour of being a part of NHS society. Also, while in high school, I have been taking all honours courses. Moreover, as an elementary student, I have participated in many academic competitions such as the Academic Challenge in 6th and 7th grade, where my team and I scored second and first places, respectively. Apart from studying with dedication and participating in competitions, I also play an active role in the school and since childhood, I developed my leadership and organizational skills through sports and had my school team win many competitions.  My school is one of the places where my leadership qualities are valued, as I often become the head of many activities, such as staging plays, organizing shows, and school trips with my teachers. Being a leader allows me to work in a team and consider my peers’ ideas to make our plans creative and enjoyable for everyone. I have learned to solve problems and conflicts thanks to this great experience of leadership, and I am always ready to assist my peers when it is needed. I spent the last summer working at a home for the elderly, where I was able to listen to life stories, participate in activities — be more specific, and learn about working in the healthcare field. Volunteering is a valuable experience that has helped me become a better person. I look forward to continuing my volunteer work in the medical field in the future. I consider myself to have a great character to join NHS. I embrace all ethnicities and celebrate the differences within everyone that ironically bring us closer. My traits help me to gain the trust and respect of my peers as they believe me to be a positive, open-minded, and reliable person.

Demonstrate your leadership abilities and passion for hard work

A truly great leader is made, not born. Good leaders develop through a never ending process of self-study, education, training, and experience. In order to inspire others to achieve a higher level in whatever they attempt, there are certain things you must know how to do effectively. These do not come naturally, but are acquired through continual hard work and devoted study. John Quincy Adams, the sixth president of the United States, believes that, to lead, a person must be able to enact the following: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more; you are a leader.” In the school and in the community, I inspire my peers to strive to achieve all of these actions; this illustrates how I have developed the qualities of a strong leader. Good leaders are constantly working and studying to improve their leadership skills, and in accordance with this statement I will always take the opportunity to lead. I have taken this opportunity during the Student Council organized cleaning of a stretch of highway, during the NIC-10 Council on leadership, and in the halls of Hononegah where a leader is often desperately needed. As a member of the junior’s Student Council, it is our responsibility to remove garbage from the side of the highway one time while the weather is favorable, so on a particularly warm day we did just that. However, as we prowled the side of the highway in search of garbage, the temperature began to rise dramatically. Nearly halfway down the stretch of highway, complaints began to fly from all directions as student council members felt the hot sun beating down on them. Almost immediately following the complaints, the idea of turning around and heading back to the cooling solace of our air conditioned cars surfaced. A few groups began to turn back, but as some of my group members began to turn I held them up. “Look guys, we’re more than halfway finished with this already, and I don’t know about all of you but I’m going all the way to the end,” I said as I walked past them and continued to collect trash from the ground. After moving a little ways down the road, I heard the crunch of gravel behind me getting louder and I looked up to see my original group plus a few extra people had come to help me finish the job. By refusing to give up on the task at hand, I motivated my peers to accomplish what we had set out to do, and I opened their eyes to the importance of never leaving something unfinished. In my opinion, a job should never be left half finished. In this situation, I inspired my fellow students to do more than they had the drive to do of their own accord. This is a characteristic of a leader, and a testimony to my leadership qualities. Earlier this school year, I was nominated to attend a meeting at Giovanni’s composed of 15 leaders selected from every school in the NIC-10 Conference. This meeting consisted of a brilliant speaker who not only explained in detail what about my personality made me more prone to holding a position of leadership, but also had us engage in team-building activities that required one person to take charge of the rest of the group and direct, or to share the leadership equally. This deviated depending on the activities, which varied from working one on one with another student to separate each other while each of us held one end of two strings that formed an X in between us (I hope this concept can be understood without a physical example), or simply having to build the tallest structure out of nothing but plastic straws, their wrappers, and two pieces of tape. My partner and I were successful in separating ourselves from one another, which many groups found “impossible”, and although my team did not build the highest structure we competed closely with the other groups and worked well together. This, I believe is one of the most important parts of being a leader; knowing when not to take command and boss your peers around, and when to allow your entire team, group, etc. to share the leadership in order to more effectively achieve a goal. Being a leader is important; however I find that my ability to be a part of a team is equally demonstrative of my leadership qualities More often than not, the true ability of a leader is seen not in his actions while holding an elected or nominated leadership position, but in his actions during normal, everyday interactions with his peers. In the halls of Hononegah and in the surrounding community, I refuse to tolerate deplorable actions, most commonly bullying. I will admit that to my knowledge Hononegah is a relatively safe place for its students and that I have never seen an exceedingly cruel, unnecessary case of bullying. Despite this, it is still important to stand up for those who may not have the courage or force of will to stand up for themselves. I do so whenever the opportunity presents itself, and am often the moral compass amongst my group of friends who from time to time find humor in cracking jokes at the expense of other. A true leader does not fall in line with his friends, especially when he believes what they are doing is wrong. As a leader I know that it is vital to stop them and say, “Guys, knock it off, that kid does not deserve to be picked on just because you don’t like (for example) the way he dresses.” I believe firmly that everyone is entitled to live their lives the way that they wish to, and in saying a simple statement like this you not only stand out amongst your friends, you also gain their respect. A true leader will drive people to become more, and over the years many of my friends have become much more benevolent people. I am very proud of this, and I believe that this is the single most important ethic to be held by a teenage leader. You mustn’t adopt your friends ways of thinking; by staying true to your values and being a leader in situations such as the one above, you will be respected as a friend and show your capability of leading, which I have done countless times throughout my high school career. In closing, I hope that my abilities as a leader have become apparent through my actions. A true leader will never leave a job half-finished, will realize when to step forward and lead or when to stand strong as a part of a team, and will stay true to his values and be a leader in morality as well as a leader in accomplishing a goal. I possess all of these qualities and will continue to exercise and expand upon them as I gain more significant leadership positions in life. I hope that you will strongly consider accepting me into the National Junior Honor Society, because I fit the criteria as an involved, intelligent, and more than capable leader. Thank you for the opportunity to have this application considered, and I hope that you find my qualifications satisfactory.

Demonstrate your academic prowess

National Junior Honor Society Application Essay When I first received the letter inviting me to apply to the National Junior Honor Society, my initial thoughts were of appreciation for the recognition of my hard work during this past academic year.  To think of myself as a member of the NJHS is an honor that could have a profound impact on my future. Over the past several years I have driven myself to become a much more motivated person.  Along with achieving a grade average of 4.0 or higher, I have also motivated myself to start running, which has helped me to have the self-confidence to take a more active leadership role in encouraging others to live a healthier lifestyle.  To be considered a member of this prestigious organization is both an honor and a challenge to continue to improve both my body and my mind as I embark upon the journey of a higher education. Being chosen as a candidate for membership of the NJHS has caused me to reflect on my personal achievements. With striving for academic excellence,  I have gained personality traits that will be fitting for a member of the NJHS. Intelligence is a common quality of members in the NJHS, but traits of my personality such as being amiable, sensible, and diligent are also valued characteristics.  Along with my personality, I will be contributing my talent as an athlete and my love for helping others. I have wanted to get more involved in my community.  I know that being a member of the NJHS will help me to contribute more in this area. I have learned that patience and perseverance are valued qualities in a leader.  Also, when time management between school, track, and other responsibilities that have weighed heavily on me I have been able to prioritize and do my best in everything I do. There are many ways one may contribute to their society. Some people may use their intelligence in order to advance society; some may lead the country to a better future; some may make the world a better place just by being in it; and some may volunteer their time to help others.  It is difficult to find one person who possesses and contributes all of these qualities, but I am sure that I do.  Because the standards for entrance into the National Junior Honor Society are scholarship, leadership, character, and service, I believe that I am more than qualified for entrance into an organization as prestigious as the National Junior Honor Society.  Throughout my years as a Wakeland Highschool student, I believe that I have demonstrated all of these attributes.

Tips for writing the NJHS essay

 plan your essay.

•  Discuss your academic achievements
•  Discuss your leadership abilities
•  Highlight valuable volunteering service

 Highlight your character

Proofread your essay.

To write a show-stopping essay, planning is essential. It would help if you brainstormed the fundamental ideas of your essay by thinking about what accomplishments will qualify you to meet the NJHS criteria.

After you have done this, ensure the organization and efficiency of your essay by sketching out the structure before your first draft. This will ensure that you cover all of the required areas quickly.

 Discuss your Academic Achievements

Next, you need to discuss your academic achievements. You can do this by listing your grade point average any awards you may have received, such as Honor roll, class rank, and any other achievements that reflect your scholarly achievements. This is very important because only students who have demonstrated academic excellence are offered NJHS membership. 

You also need to prove that you have also challenged yourself academically while attaining academic excellence. You can do this by listing honors, college prep, or advanced placement courses.

Discuss your leadership abilities

Here, it would help if you were perceived as someone who has excellent leadership potential and is involved in activities outside of the classroom. This will show that you are versatile and flexible. To do this, you need to list any leadership position you have held in extracurricular activities such as sports, debate, and the like

Highlight valuable volunteering service

These days, giving back to the community is very important. The NJHS also sees it as a significant feat. Highlighting your volunteer experience will put you in better standing with the NJHS. List all the service organizations you have been involved with and give details of your participation.

The NJHS seeks honest, reliable, cooperative, kind, and respectful students. You could share stories to fulfill this criterion but, you have to keep it precise and simple so as not to veer off course.

Consider sharing a story that shows off your strong character and ethical integrity. This will make you more eligible for membership.

Ensure that your application is error-free by checking for spelling and grammatical errors. You could have a copy editor look through your essay to ensure it is flawless. You should also make sure that your work adequately describes you too.

How do you write the National Honor Society Essay?

To ace the National Honor Society Essay, you need to understand the philosophy behind writing the essay. The structure of the NHJS essay comprises four pillars. They are; scholarship, leadership, service, and character. Then, it would help if you infused your personal story about your grants and scholarship achievements, included your non-academic achievements, and were sincere.

What is the Purpose of the National Junior Honor Society?

Since its inception in 1929, the purpose of the NJHS has aimed to elevate a school’s commitment to the values of scholarship, service, leadership, character, and citizenship.

What do I write in my National Junior Honor Society Essay?

To write the National Junior Honor Society essay, you need to consider your scholarship, character, leadership traits, character, and service to the community. These will guarantee that you meet the standard of the NJHS.

How long should a National Junior Honor Society essay be?

A 300 to a 500-word essay usually does the trick, as this will allow you to showcase your commitment to the pillars of NHJS, which are scholarship, leadership, character, and service to the community.

What is the difference between NHJS and NJS?

The National Junior Honor Society focuses more on the middle-level grades, while the NHS is a larger body that comprises the NJHS.

The NHS has been in existence for over 80 years now. It is known for adherence to its core values which, as discussed in the article, comprise scholarship, leadership abilities, character, and citizenship. To be a member of this elite society, you have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that you are a good fit, which can be shown in your essay. 

I hope the tips and guidelines in this article will help you gain membership to the National Junior Honor Society.

• NJHS Essay Examples

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Short Argumentative Essay Samples for Middle School

Argumentative essays play a significant role in helping students develop critical thinking and persuasive writing skills. Middle school is the perfect time to introduce young learners to practice writing well-structured argumentative essays. In this article, we’ll give you some short argumentative essay samples for middle school students.

The Significance of Argumentative Essays in Middle School

Argumentative essays serve as a powerful tool in the middle school curriculum for several reasons:

• Critical Thinking : Writing argumentative essays encourages students to think critically. They must evaluate evidence, analyze different perspectives, and form their own opinions.
• Persuasive Writing Skills : Developing the ability to persuade others through well-reasoned arguments is a valuable skill that extends beyond the classroom.
• Research Skills : Writing an argumentative essay often requires students to research and cite credible sources, enhancing their research skills.
• Communication Skills : Crafting a coherent argument helps students improve their written and oral communication skills.

See Nine Best Beginner Writing Books You Should Grab here.

You can see the following argumentative essay samples which are really relatable to your homework, project, assignments or personal practice to develop your skills in writing an effective argumentative essays.

Short Argumentative Essay Samples 1

Should students be allowed to have cellphones in school?

Have you ever left one of your books at home when you needed it in the class? You might answer ‘yes’ to the question, but this problem won’t be a big deal if you can just call your family home, right? However, there are some schools that do not allow you to bring your cellphone to school. This situation has created the question of whether students should be allowed to have cell phones in school or not. While some argue that cell phones are disruptive and can hinder learning, I believe that there are strong reasons to support their use in educational settings.

One of the primary reasons students should be allowed to have cell phones in school is for communication purposes. In emergency situations, having a cell phone can be a lifesaver. Parents can reach their children in case of unforeseen circumstances, ensuring their safety. Moreover, students can communicate with their peers and teachers, fostering a collaborative and communicative learning environment.

Cell phones offer access to a vast array of educational resources. With the internet at their fingertips, students can easily look up information, conduct research, and access educational apps. This access can significantly enhance their learning experience, allowing them to delve deeper into subjects and explore a wealth of knowledge beyond traditional classroom materials.

Permitting cell phones in schools can also be a valuable lesson in responsibility. Students must learn to manage their devices appropriately and refrain from using them during class unless instructed otherwise. This promotes self-discipline and helps prepare them for responsible technology use in their future careers.

It’s true that cell phones can be a source of distraction. Critics argue that students may use them to text, play games, or engage in social media during class, diverting their attention from the lesson. However, this challenge can be effectively addressed through policies and guidelines that restrict cell phone use during the class. For example, teachers ask students to collect their cell phones on the designated shelf in the class. At recess, the students can have the phone and use it. When the break time is over, they have to put the phone back; therefore, there will not be any distraction during the next classroom activities.

In conclusion, allowing students to have cell phones in school can be a wise decision if managed effectively. These devices can enhance communication, provide access to educational resources, and teach responsibility. While concerns about distractions are valid, they can be reduced with well-defined guidelines and supervision. Ultimately, embracing technology in the classroom can help students prepare for the digital world they will encounter in the future.

Short Argumentative Essay Samples 2

Is homework necessary for student success, or should it be eliminated?

Homework has long been a subject of debate in our school. Some argue that it is a fundamental component of our success, while others believe it should be eliminated. In my opinion, the merits of homework as a tool for enriching our achievements are irreplaceable. 

Homework fosters our responsibility and time management skills. It encourages us to allocate our time wisely, ensuring that we complete our assignments within the given deadlines. These skills are invaluable in the real world, where meeting deadlines and managing one’s time efficiently are crucial. As we know, if we cannot meet the deadline, problems will arise. These problems teach us to avoid delaying something. At the end of the day, the time management skills we learn from doing homework are really crucial in our daily lives.

Homework reinforces what we have learned in the classroom. Repetition is an essential aspect of learning, and homework provides us with the opportunity to practice what we have been taught. This practice leads to better retention of information and an improved understanding of the subject matter. The more we practice, the better we understand the matter. On top of that, some of us might miss something the teacher explains to us. By doing homework, we can get the point that you have missed. Personally, I often feel that I understand more after doing homework.

Homework promotes independent learning. It allows us to dig deeper into a topic, conduct research, and develop problem-solving skills. Independent learning is an invaluable skill that empowers us to take charge of our education and prepares us for lifelong learning.

However, some of us argue that homework can lead to stress and burnout. It is important to acknowledge this concern, but the key is to strike a balance. Teachers should assign reasonable amounts of homework, taking into consideration of our age and extracurricular activities. Additionally, teachers should also design homework that is interesting to do. Therefore, we can enjoy doing the task. Besides, teachers should also wisely provide enough time for us to do the homework. Giving enough can reduce the pressure that the homework might cause. So, we can avoid stress and burnout if teachers properly manage the homework.

To summarize, homework plays a vital role in enhancing student success. It instills responsibility, reinforces learning, and promotes independent study. While concerns about excessive homework are valid, the solution lies in thoughtful assignments and effective time management. Homework is not an enemy but a valuable ally in the pursuit of academic excellence.

Best Books to Improve Communication Skills in English .

Short Argumentative Essay Samples 3

Should school uniforms be mandatory?

In recent years, people debate over whether school uniforms should be mandatory or not. Some argue that uniforms can create a sense of belonging, improve discipline, and reduce socio-economic inequalities. On the other hand, opponents contend that they limit self-expression and can be costly for families. In my opinion, we, students, must wear uniforms for many beneficial reasons.

To begin with, mandating school uniforms can foster a sense of belonging among us. When we wear the same attire, it reduces the visibility of economic disparities, making us feel equal. This, in turn, can contribute to a more inclusive and cohesive school environment. By having uniforms, we feel that we belong to one another. We feel like we are one family.

Uniforms can be a tool for improving discipline, safety, and security. First, when we are dressed uniformly, it becomes easier to identify outsiders, reducing the likelihood of intruders on school grounds. This enhanced security can contribute to a safer learning environment. Secondly, wearing uniforms train us to abide by the rules and regulations. Having uniforms teaches us discipline because we realize that only certain dress is allowed at school. Finally, having a well-designed uniform can also improve our safety. The connection between the dress materials, the size, and the style with types of motion and activities the students do can only be measured by design experts. Not having uniforms will lead us to carelessly choose what kind of dress we wear. At the end of the day, it will reduce our safety. So, I think it is safer to wear school uniforms.

School uniforms can help reduce socio-economic inequalities. Without the pressure to wear expensive, trendy clothing, we can focus on their studies rather than competing in the fashion arena. This levels the playing field, ensuring that we are not judged based on our clothes. As we know, people always want to be the center of attention. School uniforms prevent us from abusing the capability of purchasing attractive clothes, which will demotivate some of us who have less money.

Some people claim that uniforms limit self-expression. While this is an understandable concern, it is important to note that self-expression can still thrive through various means, such as creative accessories or personal grooming choices. Uniforms need not suffocate individuality. Students also have a lot of chances of wearing their favorite clothes outside the school.

To sum up, the mandatory use of school uniforms can create a sense of belonging, improve discipline, and reduce socio-economic inequalities. The benefits of school uniforms in fostering a positive educational environment are vital.

See Descriptive Essay here, or a comparison and contrast essay example here.

To Remember

Creating effective short argumentative essay samples for middle school students is a vital step in their academic development. These essays not only sharpen critical thinking and writing skills but also prepare students for the challenges of the real world. By choosing relevant topics, maintaining a clear structure, and encouraging thoughtful arguments, educators can help middle school students become proficient in the art of persuasion and critical thinking.

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• College essay

Common App Essays | 7 Strong Examples with Commentary

Published on November 19, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on May 31, 2023.

If you’re applying for college via the Common App , you’ll have to write an essay in response to one of seven prompts.

Table of contents

What is the common application essay, prompt 1: background, identity, interest, or talent, prompt 2: overcoming challenges, prompt 3: questioning a belief or idea, prompt 4: appreciating an influential person, prompt 5: transformative event, prompt 6: interest or hobby that inspires learning, prompt 7: free topic, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

The Common Application, or Common App , is a college application portal that is accepted by more than 900 schools.

Within the Common App is your main essay, a primary writing sample that all your prospective schools will read to evaluate your critical thinking skills and value as a student. Since this essay is read by many colleges, avoid mentioning any college names or programs. Instead, save tailored answers for the supplementary school-specific essays within the Common App.

Regardless of your prompt choice, admissions officers will look for an ability to clearly and creatively communicate your ideas based on the selected prompt.

We’ve provided seven essay examples, one for each of the Common App prompts. After each essay, we’ve provided a table with commentary on the essay’s narrative, writing style and tone, demonstrated traits, and self-reflection.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay explores the student’s emotional journey toward overcoming her father’s neglect through gymnastics discipline.

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

When “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” began to play, it was my signal to lay out a winning floor routine. Round off. Back handspring. Double back layout. Stick!

Instead, I jolted off the floor, landing out of bounds. Over the past week, I hadn’t landed that pass once, and regionals were only seven days away. I heaved a heavy sigh and stomped over to the bench.

Coach Farkas saw my consternation. “Mona, get out of your head. You’re way too preoccupied with your tumbling passes. You could do them in your sleep!”

That was the problem. I was dreaming of tumbling and missing my landings, waking up in a cold sweat. The stress felt overwhelming.

“Stretch out. You’re done for tonight.”

I walked home from the gym that had been my second home since fourth grade. Yet my anxiety was increasing every time I practiced.

I startled my mom. “You’re home early! Wait! You walked? Mona, what’s going on?!”

I slumped down at the kitchen table. “Don’t know.”

She sat down across from me. “Does it have anything to do with your father texting you a couple of weeks ago about coming to see you at regionals?”

“So what?! Why does it matter anymore?” He walked out when I was 10 and never looked back. Still, dear ol’ Dad always had a way of resurfacing when I least expected him.

“It still matters because when you hear from him, you tend to crumble. Or have you not noticed?” She offered a knowing wink and a compassionate smile.

I started gymnastics right after Dad left. The coaches said I was a natural: short, muscular, and flexible. All I knew was that the more I improved, the more confident I felt. Gymnastics made me feel powerful, so I gave it my full energy and dedication.

The floor routine became my specialty, and my performances were soon elevating our team score. The mat, solid and stable, became a place to explore and express my internal struggles. Over the years, no matter how angry I felt, the floor mat was there to absorb my frustration.

The bars, beam, and vault were less forgiving because I knew I could fall. My performances in those events were respectable. But, the floor? Sometimes, I had wildly creative and beautiful routines, while other times were disastrous. Sadly, my floor routine had never been consistent.

That Saturday afternoon, I slipped into the empty gym and walked over to the mat. I sat down and touched its carpeted surface. After a few minutes, my cheeks were wet with the bitter disappointment of a dad who only showed up when it was convenient for him. I ruminated on the years of practices and meets where I had channeled my resentment into acrobatics and dance moves, resolved to rise higher than his indifference.

I saw then that my deepest wounds were inextricably entangled with my greatest passion. They needed to be permanently separated. While my anger had first served to launch me into gymnastics, before long, I had started serving my anger.

Anger is a cruel master. It corrupts everything it touches, even something as beautiful as a well-choreographed floor routine.

I changed my music days before regionals. “The Devil” no longer had a place in my routine. Instead, I chose an energetic cyberpunk soundtrack that inspired me to perform with passion and laser focus. Dad made an obligatory appearance at regionals, but he left before I could talk to him.

It didn’t matter this time. I stuck every landing in my routine. Anger no longer controlled me. I was finally free.

Word count: 601

This essay shows how the challenges the student faced in caring for her sister with autism resulted in an unexpected path forward in her education.

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

I never had a choice.

My baby sister was born severely autistic, which meant that every detail of our home life was repeatedly adjusted to manage her condition. I couldn’t go to bed without fearing that Mindy would wake up screaming with that hoarse little voice of hers. I couldn’t have friends over on weekends because we never knew if our entire family would need to shift into crisis mode to help Mindy regain control.

We couldn’t take a family vacation because Mindy would start hitting us during a long car ride when she didn’t want to sit there anymore. We couldn’t even celebrate Christmas like a normal family because Mindy would shriek and run away when we tried to give her presents.

I was five years old when Mindy was born. For the first ten years, I did everything I could to help my mom with Mindy. But Mom was depressed and would often stare out the window, as if transfixed by the view. Dad was no help either. He used his job as an excuse to be away from home. So, I tried to make up for both of them and rescue Mindy however I could whenever she needed it.

However, one day, when I was slowly driving Mindy around with the windows down, trying to lull her into a calmer state, we passed two of my former classmates from middle school. They heard Mindy growling her disapproval as the ride was getting long for her. One of them turned to the other and announced, “Oh my God! Marabeth brought her pet monster out for a drive!” They laughed hysterically and ran down the street.

After that day, I defied my parents at every turn. I also ignored Mindy. I even stopped doing homework. I purposely “got in with the wrong crowd” and did whatever they did.

My high school counselor Ms. Martinez saw through it all. She knew my family’s situation well. It didn’t take her long to guess what had probably happened.

“Marabeth, I get it. My brother has Down syndrome. It was really hard growing up with him as a brother. The other kids were pretty mean about it, especially in high school.”

I doubted she understood. “Yeah. So?”

“I’m guessing something happened that hurt or embarrassed you.”

“I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how you must have felt.”

It must have been the way she said it because I suddenly found myself sobbing into my trembling, cupped hands.

Ms. Martinez and I met every Friday after that for the rest of the year. Her stories of how she struggled to embrace living with and loving her brother created a bridge to my pain and then my healing. She explained that her challenges led her to pursue a degree in counseling so that she could offer other people what no one had given her.

I thought that Mindy was the end of my life, but, because of Ms. Martinez’s example and kindness, I can now see that Mindy is a gift, pointing me toward my future.

Now, I’m applying to study psychology so that I can go on to earn my master’s degree in counseling. I’m learning to forgive my parents for their mistakes, and I’m back in Mindy’s life again, but this time as a sister, not a savior. My choice.

Word Count: 553

This essay illustrates a student’s courage in challenging his culture’s constructs of manhood and changing his course while positively affecting his father in the process.

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

“No son of mine is gonna march around a football field wearing tail feathers while all the real men are playing football!”

I took a step backward and tried not to appear as off-balance as I felt. In my excitement, I had blurted out more information than my father could handle:

“Dad! I made the marching band as a freshman! Nobody does that—I mean nobody!”

As soon as I had said it, I wished I could recall those words. How could I forget that 26 years earlier, he had been the starting wide receiver for the state-champion Tigers on the same field?!

Still, when I opened the email on that scorching hot August afternoon, I was thrilled that five months of practicing every possible major and harmonic minor scale—two octaves up and two octaves down—had made the difference. I had busted reed after reed, trying not to puff my cheeks while moving my fingers in a precise cadence.

I knew he had heard me continually practicing in my room, yet he seemed to ignore all the parts of me that were incongruous with his vision of manhood:

Ford F-150 4x4s. Pheasant hunting. The Nebraska Cornhuskers.

I never had to wonder what he valued. For years, I genuinely shared his interests. But, in the fall of eighth grade, I heard Kyle Wheeling play a saxophone solo during the homecoming marching band halftime show. My dad took me to every football game to teach me the plays, but that night, all I could think about was Kyle’s bluesy improv at halftime.

During Thanksgiving break, I got my mom to drive me into Omaha to rent my instrument at Dietze Music, and, soon after, I started private lessons with Mr. Ken. Before long, I was spending hours in my room, exploring each nuance of my shiny Yamaha alto sax, anticipating my audition for the Marching Tigers at the end of the spring semester.

During those months of practice, I realized that I couldn’t hide my newfound interest forever, especially not from the football players who were going to endlessly taunt me. But not all the guys played football. Some were in choir and theater. Quite a few guys were in the marching band. In fact, the Marching Tigers had won the grand prize in their division at last year’s state showdown in Lincoln.

I was excited! They were the champions, and I was about to become a part of their legacy.

Yet, that afternoon, a sense of anxiety brewed in my belly. I knew I had to talk to him.

He was sweeping the grass clippings off of the sidewalk. He nodded.

“I need to tell you something.”

He looked up.

“I know that you know about my sax because you hear me practicing. I like it a lot, and I’m becoming pretty good at it. I still care about what you like, but I’m starting to like some other things more. I hope you’ll be proud of me whatever I choose.”

He studied the cracks in the driveway. “I am proud of you. I just figured you’d play football.”

We never talked about it again, but that fall, he was in the stands when our marching band won the state championship in Lincoln for the second time. In fact, for the next four years, he never left the stands during halftime until the marching band had performed. He was even in the audience for every performance of “Our Town” at the end of my junior year. I played the Stage Manager who reveals the show’s theme: everything changes gradually.

I know it’s true. Things do change over time, even out here in central Nebraska. I know because I’ve changed, and my dad has changed, too. I just needed the courage to go first.

Word count: 626

The student demonstrates how his teacher giving him an unexpected bad grade was the catalyst for his becoming a better writer.

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

I stared in disbelief at the big red letter at the top of my paper: D. 

Never in my entire high school career had I seen that letter at the top of any paper, unless it was at the beginning of my first name. 

I had a 4.796 GPA. I had taken every pre-AP and AP course offered. My teachers had praised my writing skills! However, Mr. Trimble didn’t think so, and he let me know it:

“Darwin, in the future, I believe you can do better if you fully apply yourself.” 

I furiously scanned the paper for corrections. Not even one! Grammar and syntax? Perfect. Spelling? Impeccable. Sentence and paragraph structure? Precise and indisputable, as always. 

Was he trying to ruin my GPA? Cooper was clearly his favorite, and we were neck and neck for valedictorian, which was only one year away. Maybe they were conspiring to take me down. 

Thankfully, AP Composition was my last class. I fled the room and ran to my car. Defiant tears stained my cheeks as I screeched my tires and roared out of the parking lot. When I got home, I shoved in my AirPods, flopped on my bed, and buried my head under the pillow. 

I awoke to my sister, Daria, gently shaking my arm. “I know what happened, D. Trimble stopped me in the hall after school.”

“I’m sure he did. He’s trying to ruin my life.”

“That’s not what he told me. You should talk to him, D.”

The next day, although I tried to avoid Mr. Trimble at all costs, I almost tripped over him as I was coming out of the bathroom.

“Darwin, can we talk?” 

He walked me down the hall to his room. “Do you know that you’re one of the best writers I’ve ever had in AP Comp?” 

“Then why’d you do it?” 

“Because you’re better than you know, Darwin. You impress with your perfect presentations, and your teachers reward you with A’s and praise. I do frequent the teacher’s lounge, you know.” 

“So I know you’re not trying.”

I locked eyes with him and glared. 

“You’ve never had to try because you have a gift. And, in the midst of the acclaim, you’ve never pushed yourself to discover your true capabilities.”

“So you give me a D?!”

“It got your attention.”

“You’re not going to leave it, are you?”

“Oh, the D stands. You didn’t apply yourself. You’ll have to earn your way out with your other papers.” 

I gained a new understanding of the meaning of ambivalence. Part of me was furious at the injustice of the situation, but I also felt strangely challenged and intrigued. I joined a local writer’s co-op and studied K. M. Weiland’s artistic writing techniques. 

Multiple drafts, track changes, and constructive criticism became my new world. I stopped taking Mr. Trimble’s criticism personally and began to see it as a precious tool to bolster me, not break me down. 

Last week, the New York Public Library notified me that I was named one of five finalists for the Young Lions Fiction Award. They described my collection of short stories as “fresh, imaginative, and captivating.” 

I never thought I could be grateful for a D, but Mr. Trimble’s insightful courage was the catalyst that transformed my writing and my character. Just because other people applaud you for being the best doesn’t mean you’re doing your best . 

AP Composition is now recorded as an A on my high school transcript, and Cooper and I are still locked in a tight race for the finish line. But, thanks to Mr. Trimble, I have developed a different paradigm for evaluation: my best. And the more I apply myself, the better my best becomes. 

Word Count: 627

This student narrates how she initially went to church for a boy but instead ended up confronting her selfishness by helping others.

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Originally, I went to church not because I was searching for Jesus but because I liked a boy.

Isaac Ono wasn’t the most athletic boy in our class, nor was he the cutest. But I was amazed by his unusual kindness toward everyone. If someone was alone or left out, he’d walk up to them and say hello or invite them to hang out with him and his friends.

I started waking up at 7:30 a.m. every Sunday morning to attend Grace Hills Presbyterian, where Isaac’s father was the pastor. I would strategically sit in a pew not too close but close enough to Isaac that when the entire congregation was instructed to say “Peace be with you,” I could “happen” to shake Isaac’s hand and make small talk.

One service, as I was staring at the back of Isaac’s head, pondering what to say to him, my hearing suddenly tuned in to his father’s sermon.

“There’s no such thing as a good or bad person.”

My eyes snapped onto Pastor Marcus.

“I used to think I was a good person who came from a respectable family and did nice things. But people aren’t inherently good or bad. They just make good or bad choices.”

My mind raced through a mental checklist of whether my past actions fell mostly into the former or latter category.

“As it says in Deuteronomy 30:15, ‘I have set before you today life and good, death and evil.’ Follow in the footsteps of Jesus and do good.”

I glanced to my left and saw Margaret, underlining passages in her study Bible and taking copious notes.

Months earlier, I had befriended Margaret. We had fourth-period Spanish together but hadn’t interacted much. She was friends with Isaac, so I started hanging out with her to get closer to him. But eventually, the two of us were spending hours in the Starbucks parking lot having intense discussions about religion, boys, and our futures until we had to return home before curfew.

After hearing the pastor’s sermon, I realized that what I had admired about Isaac was also present in Margaret and other people at church: a welcoming spirit. I’m pretty sure Margaret knew of my ulterior motives for befriending her, but she never called me out on it.

After that day, I started paying more attention to Pastor Marcus’s sermons and less attention to Isaac. One year, our youth group served Christmas Eve dinner to the homeless and ate with them. I sat across from a woman named Lila who told me how child services had taken away her four-year-old daughter because of her financial and living situation.

A few days later, as I sat curled up reading the book of James, my heart suddenly felt heavy.

“If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?”

I thought back to Pastor Marcus’s sermon on good and bad actions, Lila and her daughter, and the times I had passed people in need without even saying hello.

I decided to put my faith into action. The next week, I started volunteering at the front desk of a women’s shelter, helping women fill out forms or watching their kids while they talked with social workers.

From working for the past year at the women’s shelter, I now know I want to major in social work, caring for others instead of focusing on myself. I may not be a good person (or a bad one), but I can make good choices, helping others with every opportunity God gives me.

Word count: 622

This essay shows how a student’s natural affinity for solving a Rubik’s cube developed her self-understanding, academic achievement, and inspiration for her future career.

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

The worst part about writing is putting down my Rubik’s cube so that I can use my hands to type. That’s usually the worst part of tackling my to-do list: setting aside my Rubik’s cube. My parents call it an obsession. But, for me, solving a Rubik’s cube challenges my brain as nothing else can.

It started on my ninth birthday. I invited three friends for a sleepover party, and I waited to open my presents right before bed. Wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows flew through the air as I oohed and aahed over each delightful gift! However, it was the last gift—a 3 x 3 x 3 cube of little squares covered in red, green, blue, yellow, white, and orange—that intrigued me.

I was horrified when Bekka ripped it out of my hands and messed it all up! I had no idea how to make all the sides match again. I waited until my friends were fast asleep. Then, I grabbed that cube and studied it under my blanket with a flashlight, determined to figure out how to restore it to its former pristine state.

Within a few weeks, I had discovered the secret. To practice, I’d take my cube with me to recess and let the other kids time me while I solved it in front of them. The better I became, the more they gathered around. But I soon realized that their attention didn’t matter all that much. I loved solving cubes for hours wherever I was: at lunch, riding in the car, or alone in my room.

Cross. White corners. Middle-layer edges. Yellow cross. Sune and anitsune. 

The sequential algorithms became second nature, and with the assistance of a little black digital timer, I strove to solve the cube faster , each time attempting to beat my previous record. I watched speed solvers on YouTube, like Australia’s Feliks Zemdegs and Max Park from Massachusetts, but I wasn’t motivated to compete as they did. I watched their videos to learn how to improve my time. I liked finding new, more efficient ways of mastering the essential 78 separate cube-solving algorithms.

Now, I understand why my passion for my Rubik’s cube has never waned. Learning and applying the various algorithms soothes my brain and centers my emotions, especially when I feel overwhelmed from being around other people. Don’t get me wrong: I like other people—just in doses.

While some people get recharged by spending time with others, I can finally breathe when I’m alone with my cube. Our psychology teacher says the difference between an extrovert and an introvert is the situations that trigger their brains to produce dopamine. For me, it’s time away, alone, flipping through cube patterns to set a new personal best.

Sometimes, the world doesn’t cooperate with introverts, requiring them to interact with many people throughout the day. That’s why you’ll often find me in the stairwell or a library corner attempting to master another one of the 42 quintillion ways to solve a cube. My parents tease me that when I’ve “had enough” of anything, my fingers get a Rubik’s itch, and I suddenly disappear. I’m usually occupied for a while, but when I finally emerge, I feel centered, prepared to tackle my next task.

Secretly, I credit my cube with helping me earn top marks in AP Calculus, Chemistry, and Physics. It’s also responsible for my interest in computer engineering. It seems I just can’t get enough of those algorithms, which is why I want to study the design and implementation of cybersecurity software—all thanks to my Rubik’s cube.

Just don’t tell my parents! It would ruin all the fun!

Word count: 607

In this free topic essay, the student uses a montage structure inspired by the TV show Iron Chef America to demonstrate his best leadership moments.

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Iron Chef America: College Essay Edition

The time has come to answer college’s most difficult question: Whose story shows glory?

This is … Iron Chef America: College Essay Edition!

Welcome to Kitchen Stadium! Today we have Chef Brett Lowell. Chef Brett will be put to the test to prove he has what it takes to attend university next fall.

And the secret ingredient is … leadership! He must include leadership in each of his dishes, which will later be evaluated by a panel of admissions judges.

So now, America, with a creative mind and empty paper, I say unto you in the words of my teacher: “Let’s write!”

Appetizer: My first leadership experience

A mountain of mismatched socks, wrinkled jeans, and my dad’s unironed dress shirts sat in front of me. Laundry was just one of many chores that welcomed me home once I returned from my after-school job at Baskin Robbins, a gig I had taken last year to help Dad pay the rent. A few years earlier, I wasn’t prepared to cook dinners, pay utility bills, or pick up and drop off my brothers. I thought those jobs were reserved for parents. However, when my father was working double shifts at the power plant and my mom was living in Tucson with her new husband, Bill, I stepped up and took care of the house and my two younger brothers.

Main course: My best leadership experience

Between waiting for the pasta water to boil and for the next laundry cycle to be finished, I squeezed in solving a few practice precalculus problems to prepare for the following week’s mathletics competition. I liked how the equations always had clear, clean answers, which calmed me among the mounting responsibilities of home life. After leading my team to the Minnesota State Finals for two years in a row, I was voted team captain. Although my home responsibilities often competed with my mathlete duties, I tried to be as productive as possible in my free time. On the bus ride home, I would often tackle 10 to 20 functions or budget the following week’s meals and corresponding grocery list. My junior year was rough, but both my home and my mathlete team needed me.

Dessert: My future leadership hopes 

The first thing I ever baked was a chocolate cake in middle school. This was around the time that Mom had just moved out and I was struggling with algebra. Troubles aside, one day my younger brother Simon needed a contribution for his school’s annual bake sale, and the PTA moms wouldn’t accept anything store-bought. So I carefully measured out the teaspoons and cups of various flours, powders, and oils, which resulted in a drooping, too-salty disaster.

Four years later, after a bakery’s worth of confections and many hours of study, I’ve perfected my German chocolate cake and am on my way to mastering Calculus AB. I’ve also thrown out the bitter-tasting parts of my past such as my resentment and anger toward my mom. I still miss having her at home, but whenever I have a baking question or want to update her on my mathlete team’s success, I call her or chat with her over text.

Whether in school or life, I see problems as opportunities, not obstacles, to find a better way to solve them more efficiently. I hope to continue improving my problem-solving skills next fall by majoring in mathematics and statistics.

Time’s up! 

We hope you’ve enjoyed this tasting of Chef Lowell’s leadership experiences. Next fall, tune in to see him craft new leadership adventures in college. He’s open to refining his technique and discovering new recipes.

Word count: 612

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

The Common App essay is your primary writing sample within the Common Application, a college application portal accepted by more than 900 schools. All your prospective schools that accept the Common App will read this essay to understand your character, background, and value as a potential student.

Since this essay is read by many colleges, avoid mentioning any college names or programs; instead, save tailored answers for the supplementary school-specific essays within the Common App.

When writing your Common App essay , choose a prompt that sparks your interest and that you can connect to a unique personal story.

No matter which prompt you choose, admissions officers are more interested in your ability to demonstrate personal development , insight, or motivation for a certain area of study.

To decide on a good college essay topic , spend time thoughtfully answering brainstorming questions. If you still have trouble identifying topics, try the following two strategies:

• Identify your qualities → Brainstorm stories that demonstrate these qualities
• Identify memorable stories → Connect your qualities to these stories

You can also ask family, friends, or mentors to help you brainstorm topics, give feedback on your potential essay topics, or recall key stories that showcase your qualities.

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

Cite this Scribbr article

If you want to cite this source, you can copy and paste the citation or click the “Cite this Scribbr article” button to automatically add the citation to our free Citation Generator.

Courault, K. (2023, May 31). Common App Essays | 7 Strong Examples with Commentary. Scribbr. Retrieved April 2, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/college-essay/common-app-examples/

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College admissions

Course: college admissions   >   unit 4.

• Writing a strong college admissions essay
• Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes
• Brainstorming tips for your college essay
• How formal should the tone of your college essay be?
• Taking your college essay to the next level

Sample essay 1 with admissions feedback

• Sample essay 2 with admissions feedback
• Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience
• Student story: Admissions essay about personal identity
• Student story: Admissions essay about community impact
• Student story: Admissions essay about a past mistake
• Student story: Admissions essay about a meaningful poem
• Writing tips and techniques for your college essay

Introduction

Sample essay 1, feedback from admissions.

Want to join the conversation?

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Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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