Things you buy through our links may earn Vox Media a commission

The Lure of Divorce

Seven years into my marriage, i hit a breaking point — and had to decide whether life would be better without my husband in it..

Portrait of Emily Gould

This article was featured in One Great Story , New York ’s reading recommendation newsletter. Sign up here to get it nightly.

In the summer of 2022, I lost my mind. At first, it seemed I was simply overwhelmed because life had become very difficult, and I needed to — had every right to — blow off some steam. Our family was losing its apartment and had to find another one, fast, in a rental market gone so wild that people were offering over the asking price on rent. My husband, Keith, was preparing to publish a book, Raising Raffi, about our son, a book he’d written with my support and permission but that, as publication loomed, I began to have mixed feelings about. To cope with the stress, I asked my psychiatrist to increase the dosage of the antidepressant I’d been on for years. Sometime around then, I started talking too fast and drinking a lot.

I felt invincibly alive, powerful, and self-assured, troubled only by impatience with how slowly everyone around me was moving and thinking. Drinking felt necessary because it slightly calmed my racing brain. Some days, I’d have drinks with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which I ate at restaurants so the drink order didn’t seem too unusual. Who doesn’t have an Aperol spritz on the way home from the gym in the morning? The restaurant meals cost money, as did the gym, as did all the other random things I bought, spending money we didn’t really have on ill-fitting lingerie from Instagram and workout clothes and lots of planters from Etsy. I grew distant and impatient with Keith as the book’s publication approached, even as I planned a giant party to celebrate its launch. At the party, everyone got COVID. I handed out cigarettes from a giant salad bowl — I had gone from smoking once or twice a day to chain-smoking whenever I could get away with it. When well-meaning friends tried to point out what was going on, I screamed at them and pointed out everything that was wrong in their lives. And most crucially, I became convinced that my marriage was over and had been over for years.

Spring Fashion Issue

We want moore.

package-table-of-contents-photo

I built a case against my husband in my mind. This book of his was simply the culmination of a pattern: He had always put his career before mine; while I had tended to our children during the pandemic, he had written a book about parenting. I tried to balance writing my own novel with drop-offs, pickups, sick days, and planning meals and shopping and cooking, most of which had always been my primary responsibility since I was a freelancer and Keith had a full-time job teaching journalism. We were incompatible in every way, except that we could talk to each other as we could to no one else, but that seemed beside the point. More relevant: I spent money like it was water, never budgeting, leaving Keith to make sure we made rent every month. Every few months, we’d have a fight about this and I’d vow to change; some system would be put in place, but it never stuck. We were headed for disaster, and finally it came.

Our last fight happened after a long day spent at a wedding upstate. I’d been drinking, first spiked lemonade at lunch alone and then boxed wine during the wedding reception, where I couldn’t eat any of the food — it all contained wheat, and I have celiac disease. When we got back, late, to the house where we were staying, I ordered takeout and demanded he go pick it up for me. Calling from the restaurant, he was incensed. Did I know how much my takeout order had cost? I hadn’t paid attention as I checked boxes in the app, nor had I realized that our bank account was perilously low — I never looked at receipts or opened statements. Not knowing this, I felt like he was actually denying me food, basic sustenance. It was the last straw. I packed a bag as the kids played happily with their cousins downstairs, then waited by the side of the road for a friend who lived nearby to come pick me up, even as Keith stood there begging me to stay. But his words washed over me; I was made of stone. I said it was over — really over. This was it, the definitive moment I’d been waiting for. I had a concrete reason to leave.

A few days later, still upstate at my friend’s house, I had a Zoom call with my therapist and my psychiatrist, who both urged me in no uncertain terms to check myself into a psychiatric hospital. Even I couldn’t ignore a message that clear. My friend drove me to the city, stopping for burgers along the way — I should have relished the burger more, as it was some of the last noninstitutional food I would eat for a long time — and helped me check into NYU Langone. My bags were searched, and anything that could be used as a weapon was removed, including my mascara. I spent my first night there in a gown in a cold holding room with no phone, nothing but my thoughts. Eventually, a bed upstairs became free and I was brought to the psych ward, where I was introduced to a roommate, had blood drawn, and was given the first of many pills that would help me stop feeling so irrepressibly energetic and angry. They started me on lithium right away. In a meeting with a team of psychiatrists, they broke the news: I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder; they weren’t sure which kind yet. They gave me a nicotine patch every few hours plus Klonopin and Seroquel and lithium.

I wasn’t being held involuntarily, which meant I could write letters on an official form explaining why I ought to be released, which the psychiatrists then had three days to consider. I attached extra notebook pages to the letters explaining that I was divorcing my husband and was terrified I would never be able to see my kids again if I was declared unfit because I was insane. These letters did not result in my release; if anything, they prolonged my stay. I got my phone back — it would soon be revoked again, wisely — but in that brief interim, I sent out a newsletter to my hundreds of subscribers declaring that I was getting a divorce and asking them to Venmo me money for the custody battle I foresaw. In this newsletter, I also referenced Shakespeare. The drugs clearly had not kicked in yet. I cycled through three different roommates, all of whom were lovely, though I preferred the depressed one to the borderline ones. We amused ourselves during the day by going to art therapy, music therapy, and meetings with our psychiatrists. I made a lot of beaded bracelets.

In the meetings with the shrinks, I steadfastly maintained that I was sane and that my main problem was the ending of my marriage. I put Keith, and my mother, on a list of people who weren’t allowed to visit me. Undaunted, Keith brought me gluten-free egg sandwiches in the morning, which I grudgingly ate — anything for a break from the hospital food. My parents came up from D.C. and helped Keith take care of our children. I was in the hospital for a little more than three weeks, almost the entire month of October, longer than I’d ever been away from my kids before in their lives. I celebrated my 41st birthday in the hospital and received a lot of very creative cards that my fellow crazies had decorated during art therapy. Eventually, the drugs began to work: I could tell they were working because instead of feeling energetic, I suddenly couldn’t stop crying. The tears came involuntarily, like vomit. I cried continuously for hours and had to be given gabapentin in order to sleep.

personal essay about divorce

On the day I was released, I didn’t let anyone pick me up. I expected the superhuman strength I’d felt for months to carry me, but it was gone, lithiumed away. Instead, I felt almost paralyzed as I carried my bags to a cab. When I arrived at my apartment, I couldn’t figure out where I should sleep. It didn’t feel like my home anymore. We couldn’t afford to live separately, even temporarily, but the one thing that our somewhat decrepit, inconveniently located new apartment had in its favor was two small attic bedrooms and one larger bedroom downstairs. I claimed this downstairs room for myself and began to live there alone, coming into contact with Keith only when we had to be together with our children.

You might assume that my fixation on divorce would have subsided now that my mental health had stabilized and I was on strong antipsychotic medication. But I still did not want to stay in my marriage. If anything, I felt a newfound clarity: Keith and I had fundamentally incompatible selves. Our marriage had been built on a flaw. My husband was older, more established and successful in his career. These were the facts, so it had to be my job to do more of the work at home. Unless, of course, I decided to take myself and my work as seriously as he took his. But that was unappealing; I had managed to publish three books before turning 40, but I didn’t want to work all the time, like he does.

I wondered if my marriage would always feel like a competition and if the only way to call the competition a draw would be to end it.

We picked the kids up from school and dropped them off, or really mostly Keith did. I appeared at meals and tried to act normal. I was at a loss for what to do much of the time. I attended AA meetings and the DBT meetings required by the hospital outpatient program, and I read. I read books about insanity: Darkness Visible, The Bell Jar, An Unquiet Mind, Postcards From the Edge. I tried to understand what was happening to me, but nothing seemed to resonate until I began to read books about divorce. I felt I was preparing myself for what was coming. The first book I read was Rachel Cusk’s Aftermath, which has become the go-to literary divorce bible since its 2012 publication. In it, Cusk describes the way her life shattered and recomposed after the dissolution of her marriage, when her daughters were still very young. She makes the case for the untenability of her relationship by explaining that men and women are fundamentally unequal. She posits that men and women who marry and have children are perpetually fighting separate battles, lost to each other: “The baby can seem like something her husband has given her as a substitute for himself, a kind of transitional object, like a doll, for her to hold so that he can return to the world. And he does, he leaves her, returning to work, setting sail for Troy. He is free, for in the baby the romance of man and woman has been concluded: each can now do without the other.”

At our relationship’s lowest moments, this metaphor had barely been a metaphor. I remembered, the previous winter, Keith going off on a reporting trip to Ukraine at the very beginning of the war, leaving me and the kids with very little assurance of his safety. I had felt okay for the first couple of days until I heard on the news of bombing very close to where he was staying. After that, I went and bummed a cigarette from a neighbor, leaving the kids sleeping in their beds in order to do so. It was my first cigarette in 15 years. Though that had been the winter before my mania began, I believe the first seeds of it were sown then: leaving the children, smoking the cigarette, resenting Keith for putting himself in harm’s way and going out into the greater world while I tended to lunches, homework, and laundry as though everything were normal.

In Nora Ephron’s Heartburn, as in Aftermath, I found an airtight case for divorce. The husband was the villain and the wife the wronged party, and the inevitable result was splitting up. I felt an echo of this later on when I read Lyz Lenz’s polemic This American Ex-Wife, out this month, marketed as “a deeply validating manifesto on the gender politics of marriage (bad) and divorce (actually pretty good!).” The book begins by detailing how Lenz’s husband rarely did household chores and hid belongings of hers that he didn’t like — e.g., a mug that said WRITE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER — in a box in the basement. “I didn’t want to waste my one wild and precious life telling a grown man where to find the ketchup,” Lenz writes. “What was compelling about my marriage wasn’t its evils or its villains, but its commonplace horror.”

This was not quite the way I felt. Even though I could not stand to see my husband’s face or hear his voice, even though I still felt the same simmering resentment I had since I entered the hospital, I also found myself feeling pangs of sympathy for him. After all, he was going through this too. When we were inevitably together, at mealtimes that were silent unless the children spoke, I could see how wounded he was, how he was barely keeping it together. His clothes hung off his gaunt frame. And at night, when we passed in the kitchen making cups of tea that we would take to our respective rooms, he sometimes asked me for a hug, just a hug. One time I gave in and felt his ribs through his T-shirt. He must have lost at least 15 pounds.

It began to seem like I only ever talked to friends who had been through divorces or were contemplating them. One friend who didn’t know whether to split up with her husband thought opening their marriage might be the answer. Another friend described the ease of sharing custody of his young daughter, then admitted that he and his ex-wife still had sex most weekends. In my chronically undecided state, I admired both of these friends who had found, or might have found, a way to split the difference. Maybe it was possible to break up and remain friends with an ex, something that had never happened to me before in my entire life. Maybe it was possible to be married and not married at the same time. Then I went a little further in my imagination, and the idea of someone else having sex with my husband made me want to gag with jealousy. Maybe that meant something. I was so confused, and the confusion seemed to have no end.

I read more books about divorce. I received an early copy of Sarah Manguso’s Liars, marketed as “a searing novel about being a wife, a mother, and an artist, and how marriage makes liars out of us all.” In it, John, a creative dilettante, and Jane, a writer, meet and soon decide to marry. Liars describes their marriage from beginning to end, a span of almost 15 years, and is narrated by Jane. The beginning of their relationship is delirious: “I tried to explain that first ferocious hunger and couldn’t. It came from somewhere beyond reason.” But the opening of that book also contains a warning. “Then I married a man, as women do. My life became archetypal, a drag show of nuclear familyhood. I got enmeshed in a story that had already been told ten billion times.” I felt perversely reassured that I was merely adding another story to the 10 billion. It made it seem less like it was my fault.

The beginning of my relationship with my husband wasn’t that dramatic or definitive. I thought I was getting into something casual with someone I didn’t even know if I particularly liked, much less loved, but was still oddly fascinated by. I wanted to see the way he lived, to see if I could emulate it and become more like him. He lived with roommates in his 30s — well, that was the price you paid if you wanted to do nothing but write. I wanted what he had, his seriousness about his work. We went on dates where we both sat with our laptops in a café, writing, and this was somehow the most romantic thing I’d ever experienced. On our third date, we went to his father’s home on Cape Cod to dog-sit for a weekend, and it was awkward in the car until we realized we were both thinking about the same Mary Gaitskill story, “A Romantic Weekend,” in which a couple with dramatically mismatched needs learn the truth about each other through painful trial and error. Our weekend was awkward, too, but not nearly as awkward as the one in the story. On the way home, I remember admiring Keith’s driving, effortless yet masterful. I trusted him in the car completely. A whisper of a thought: He would make a good father.

In Liars, cracks begin to form almost immediately, even before John and Jane get engaged; she is accepted to a prestigious fellowship and he isn’t, and he is forthright about his fear that she will become more successful than he is: “A moment later he said he didn’t want to be the unsuccessful partner of the successful person. Then he apologized and said that he’d just wanted to be honest. I said, It was brave and considerate to tell me. ”

Through the next few years, so gradually that it’s almost imperceptible, John makes it impossible for Jane to succeed. He launches tech companies that require cross-country moves, forcing Jane to bounce between adjunct-teaching gigs. And then, of course, they have a baby. The problem with the baby is that Jane wants everything to be perfect for him and throws herself into creating a tidy home and an ideal child-development scenario, whereas John works more and more, moving the family again as one start-up fails and another flourishes. Jane begins to wonder whether she has created a prison for herself but pacifies herself with the thought that her situation is normal: “No married woman I knew was better off, so I determined to carry on. After all, I was a control freak, a neat freak, a crazy person.” The story John tells her about herself becomes her own story for a while. For a while, it’s impossible to know whose story is the truth.

I thought about Keith’s side of the story when I read Liars. Maybe it was the lack of alcohol’s blur that enabled me to see this clearly for the first time — I began to see how burdened he had been, had always been, with a partner who refused to plan for the future and who took on, without being asked, household chores that could just as easily have been distributed evenly. Our situation had never been as clear-cut as it was for Lyz Lenz; Keith had never refused to take out the trash or hidden my favorite mug. But he worked more and later hours, and my intermittent book advances and freelance income could not be counted on to pay our rent. As soon as we’d had a child, he had been shunted into the role of breadwinner without choosing it or claiming it. At first, I did all the cooking because I liked cooking and then, when I stopped liking cooking, I did it anyway out of habit. For our marriage to change, we would have needed to consciously decide to change it, insofar as our essential natures and our financial situation would allow. But when were we supposed to have found the time to do that? It was maddening that the root of our fracture was so commonplace and clichéd — and that even though the problem was ordinary, I still couldn’t think my way out of it.

Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story, by Leslie Jamison , is in some ways the successor to Aftermath — the latest divorce book by a literary superstar. It is mostly an account of Jamison’s passionate marriage to a fellow writer, C., and the way that marriage fell apart after her career accelerated and they had a child together. It then details her first months of life as a single mother and her forays into dating. In it, she is strenuously fair to C., taking much of the blame for the dissolution of their marriage. But she can’t avoid describing his anger that her book merits an extensive tour, while his novel — based on his relationship with his first wife, who had died of leukemia — fails commercially. “It didn’t get the reception he had hoped for,” Jamison writes, and now, “I could feel him struggling. He wanted to support me, but there was a thorn in every interview.” C. grows distant, refusing to publicly perform the charming self that Jamison fell in love with. “I wished there was a way to say, Your work matters, that didn’t involve muting my own,” Jamison writes.

For all my marriage’s faults, we never fought in public. Friends encouraged us to reconcile, saying, “You always seemed so good together.” (As if there were another way to seem! Standing next to each other at a party, it had always been easy to relax because we couldn’t fight.) And we never did anything but praise each other’s work. Until this last book of my husband’s, that is. I had read Raising Raffi for the first time six months before it was published, while I was out of town for the weekend. I had, at that time, enjoyed reading it — it was refreshing, in a way, to see someone else’s perspective on a part of my own life. I even felt a certain relief that my child’s early years, in all their specificity and cuteness, had been recorded. This work had been accomplished, and I hadn’t had to do it! There had been only a slight pang in the background of that feeling that I hadn’t been the one to do it. But as publication drew nearer, the pang turned into outright anger . The opening chapter described my giving birth to our first son, and I didn’t realize how violated I felt by that until it was vetted by The New Yorker ’s fact-checker after that section was selected as an excerpt for its website. Had a geyser of blood shot out of my vagina? I didn’t actually know. I had been busy at the time. I hung up on the fact-checker who called me, asking her to please call my husband instead. (In case you’re wondering, Keith has read this essay and suggested minimal changes.)

I related to the writers in Splinters trying to love each other despite the underlying thrum of competing ambitions. But most of all, Jamison’s book made me even more terrified about sharing custody. “There was only one time I got on my knees and begged. It happened in our living room, where I knelt beside the wooden coffee table and pleaded not to be away from her for two nights each week,” she writes. Envisioning a future in which we shared custody of our children made me cringe with horror. It seemed like absolute hell. At the time we separated, our younger son was only 4 years old and required stories and cuddles to get to bed. Missing a night of those stories seemed like a punishment neither of us deserved, and yet we would have to sacrifice time with our kids if we were going to escape each other, which seemed like the only possible solution to our problem. Thanksgiving rolled around, and I cooked a festive meal that we ate without looking at each other. Whenever I looked at Keith, I started to cry.

We decided to enter divorce mediation at the beginning of December. On Sixth Avenue, heading to the therapist’s office, we passed the hospital where I’d once been rushed for an emergency fetal EKG when I was pregnant with our first son. His heart had turned out to be fine. But as we passed that spot, I sensed correctly that we were both thinking of that moment, of a time when we had felt so connected in our panic and desperate hope, and now the invisible cord that had bound us had been, if not severed, shredded and torn. For a moment on the sidewalk there, we allowed ourselves to hold hands, remembering.

The therapist was a small older woman with short curly reddish hair. She seemed wise, like she’d seen it all and seen worse. I was the one who talked the most in that session, blaming Keith for making me go crazy, even though I knew this wasn’t technically true or possible: I had gone crazy from a combination of sky-high stress and a too-high SSRI prescription and a latent crazy that had been in me, part of me, since long before Keith married me, since I was born. Still, I blamed his job, his book, his ambition and workaholism, which always surpassed my own efforts. I cried throughout the session; I think we both did. I confessed that I was not the primary wronged person in these negotiations, and to be fair I have to talk about why. Sometime post–Last Fight and pre-hospitalization, I had managed to cheat on my husband. I had been so sure we were basically already divorced that I justified the act to myself; I couldn’t have done it any other way. I had thought I might panic at the last minute or even throw up or faint, but I had gone through with it thanks to the delusional state I was in. There aren’t many more details anyone needs to know. It was just one time, and it was like a drug I used to keep myself from feeling sad about what was really happening. Anyway, there’s a yoga retreat center I’ll never be able to go to again in my life.

At the end of the session, we decided to continue with the therapist but in couples therapy instead of divorce mediation. It was a service she also provided, and as a bonus, it was $100 cheaper per session. She didn’t say why she made this recommendation, but maybe it was our palpable shared grief that convinced her that our marriage was salvageable. Or maybe it was that, despite everything I had told her in that session, she could see that, even in my profound sadness and anger, I looked toward Keith to complete my sentences when I was searching for the right word and that he did the same thing with me. As broken as we were, we were still pieces of one once-whole thing.

My husband would have to forgive me for cheating and wasting our money. I would have to forgive him for treading on my literary territory: our family’s life, my own life. My husband would have to forgive me for having a mental breakdown, leaving him to take care of our family on his own for a month, costing us thousands of uninsured dollars in hospital bills. I would have to forgive him for taking for granted, for years, that I would be available on a sick day or to do an early pickup or to watch the baby while he wrote about our elder son. I would have to forgive him for taking for granted that there would always be dinner on the table without his having to think about how it got there. He would have to forgive me for never taking out the recycling and never learning how to drive so that I could move the car during alternate-side parking. I would have to forgive him for usurping the time and energy and brain space with which I might have written a better book than his. Could the therapist help us overcome what I knew to be true: that we’d gone into marriage already aware that we were destined for constant conflict just because of who we are? The therapist couldn’t help me ask him to do more if I didn’t feel like I deserved it, if I couldn’t bring myself to ask him myself. I had to learn how to ask.

No one asked anything or forgave anything that day in the couples therapist’s office. After what felt like months but was probably only a few days, I was watching Ramy on my laptop in my downstairs-bedroom cave after the kids’ bedtime when some moment struck me as something Keith would love. Acting purely on impulse, I left my room and found him sitting on the couch, drinking tea. I told him I’d been watching this show I thought was funny and that he would really like it. Soon, we were sitting side by side on the couch, watching Ramy together. We went back to our respective rooms afterward, but still, we’d made progress.

After a few more weeks and a season’s worth of shared episodes of Ramy, I ventured for the first time upstairs to Keith’s attic room. It smelled alien to me, and I recognized that this was the pure smell of Keith, not the shared smell of the bedrooms in every apartment we’d lived in together. I lay down next to him in the mess of his bed. He made room for me. We didn’t touch, not yet. But we slept, that night, together. The next night, we went back to sleeping alone.

Pickups and drop-offs became evenly divided among me and Keith and a sitter. Keith learned to make spaghetti with meat sauce. He could even improvise other dishes, with somewhat less success, but he was improving. I made a conscious effort not to tidy the house after the children left for school. I made myself focus on my work even when there was chaos around me. Slowly, I began to be able to make eye contact with Keith again. At couples therapy, we still clutched tissue boxes in our hands, but we used them less. Our separate chairs inched closer together in the room.

That Christmas, we rented a tiny Airbnb near his dad’s house in Falmouth. It had only two bedrooms, one with bunk beds for the kids and one with a king-size bed that took up almost the entirety of the small room. We would have to share a bed for the duration of the trip. The decision I made to reach across the giant bed toward Keith on one of the last nights of the trip felt, again, impulsive. But there were years of information and habit guiding my impulse. Sex felt, paradoxically, completely comfortable and completely new, like losing my virginity. It felt like sleeping with a different person and also like sleeping with the same person, which made sense, in a way. We had become different people while somehow staying the same people we’d always been.

Slowly, over the course of the next months, I moved most of my things upstairs to his room, now our room. We still see the therapist twice a month. We talk about how to make things more equal in our marriage, how not to revert to old patterns. I have, for instance, mostly given up on making dinner, doing it only when it makes more sense in the schedule of our shared day or when I actually want to cook. It turns out that pretty much anyone can throw some spaghetti sauce on some pasta; it also turns out that the kids won’t eat dinner no matter who cooks it, and now we get to experience that frustration equally. Keith’s work is still more stable and prestigious than mine, but we conspire to pretend that this isn’t the case, making sure to leave space for my potential and my leisure. We check in to make sure we’re not bowing to the overwhelming pressure to cede our whole lives to the physical and financial demands, not to mention the fervently expressed wants, of our children. It’s the work that we’d never found time to do before, and it is work. The difference is that we now understand what can happen when we don’t do it. I’m always surprised by how much I initially don’t want to go to therapy and then by how much lighter I feel afterward. For now, those sessions are a convenient container for our marriage’s intractable defects so that we get to spend the rest of our time together focusing on what’s not wrong with us.

The downstairs bedroom is now dormant, a place for occasional guests to stay or for our elder son to lie in bed as he plays video games. Some of my clothes from a year earlier still fill the drawers, but none of it seems like mine. I never go into that room if I can help it. It was the room of my exile from my marriage, from my family. If I could magically disappear it from our apartment, I would do it in a heartbeat. And in the attic bedroom, we are together, not as we were before but as we are now.

More From the spring 2024 fashion issue

  • Bring Back These ’00s Trends
  • Packing for Paris With Alex Consani
  • Where New York City Tweens Actually Like to Shop  
  • remove interruptions
  • newsletter pick
  • spring 2024 fashion issue
  • best of the cut
  • new york magazine
  • audio article
  • spring fashion
  • one great story

The Cut Shop

Most viewed stories.

  • The Mom Who Left Her Husband at 20 Weeks Pregnant
  • How I Got Scammed Out of $50,000  
  • The Mansplaining Epidemic Rages On
  • Ask Polly: My Friend Lost Weight and Now I Want Him. Am I Shallow?
  • An Extremely Thorough Guide to ‘Who TF Did I Marry’
  • The Lure of Divorce  

Editor’s Picks

personal essay about divorce

Most Popular

  • Fani Willis Didn’t Stand a Chance

What is your email?

This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.

Sign In To Continue Reading

Create your free account.

Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:

  • Lower case letters (a-z)
  • Upper case letters (A-Z)
  • Numbers (0-9)
  • Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)

As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York , which you can opt out of anytime.

151 Brilliant Divorce Essay Topics & Examples

For those who are studying law or social sciences, writing about divorce is a common task. Separation is a complicated issue that can arise from many different situations and lead to adverse outcomes. In this article we gathered an ultimate list of topics about divorce and gathered some tips to when working on the paper.

A manly divorce

Straight men rarely write about the end of their marriages. our enduring ideas about gender explain this silence.

by Joshua Coleman   + BIO

The past few decades witnessed a flood of personal essays and memoirs about divorce. Perhaps the most successful was Eat, Pray, Love (2006) by Elizabeth Gilbert, which has sold more than 12 million copies to date, and became a movie starring Julia Roberts. In her breakaway bestseller, Gilbert describes her ‘devastating, interminable divorce’ and the search for fulfilment that followed it. The book’s popularity is not only due to Gilbert being a gifted writer, but also her ability to capture a cultural perception of marriage as an institution often antithetical to personal growth and self-development. What’s more, the book is just one of dozens tracking the same territory: the freedom and self-exploration that comes of departing from past strictures and setting a new course.

While men have written their fair share of marital advice books, only a handful of marriage memoirs have been written by them. Which prompts the question: aren’t men also happy to leave bad marriages, work their way through their feelings of guilt, and ultimately find a better life? And, if they are, why aren’t more saying so? Are such proclamations considered to be the domain only of women, rendering such ideation too feminine for men to acknowledge? Does it look too narcissistic for men to also have a ‘What I learned from my divorce’ narrative? Or are men just not that interested in the topic – or, for that matter, are they not liberated by divorce itself?

In the context of the traditional, heterosexual marriage, it’s important to acknowledge that women’s freedom to negotiate a relationship more in line with their ideals, or to leave altogether, is relatively recent. It is also important to acknowledge that this freedom has not been universally achieved, either globally or in the United States. From that perspective, the archetypal hero’s journey narrated by Gilbert and other female memoirists is likely born – among other aspirations – from a desire to push back against historically oppressive forces. As the historian Stephanie Coontz argued in her opinion piece ‘How to Make Your Marriage Gayer’ (2020) for The New York Times :

Right up to the 1970s, when an American woman married, her husband took charge of her sexuality and most of her finances, property and behaviour … During the 1970s and 1980s, wives won legal equality with husbands and courts redefined the responsibilities of spouses in gender-neutral terms. By 1994 a majority of Americans repudiated the necessity for gender-specialised roles in marriage, saying instead that shared responsibilities should be the ideal.

However, legal equality has not necessarily made marriage a more equitable place for women. As Coontz notes, while the model of shared responsibility has become the ideal in principle, it remains far from the reality in practice. Today’s women – at least those in heterosexual marriages – do twice the amount of childcare and almost twice as much housework compared with men, including women in full-time employment. Men after marriage do less housework than when they were single, while women do even more, especially when they become mothers .

Women are also more likely to carry the emotional burdens of their extended network of family and friends – to keep track of birthdays, gifts and crises – and to respond with cards, calls and outreach; a task sociologists refer to as ‘kinkeeping’. While this orientation has the potential to make for deep and lasting relationships with friends or family, the sociologists Ronald Kessler and Jane Mcleod observe that this effort takes an emotional toll when it involves helping loved ones manage stressful life events. In those cases, what they call a ‘cost of caring’ leaves women more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and burnout, a reality from which men are often insulated.

While men arguably love their wives as much as their wives love them (and, in some cases, even more), their identities are less oriented around care work per se, and more commonly toward achievement, self-direction and status, as a survey of men and women in 68 different countries confirmed in 2009. However, the stereotype of the self-centred and clueless male paints a pale portrait of what many men experience today. It also ignores the cost paid by men pressured to prize status and invulnerability over connection. For example, men account for almost three out of four ‘deaths of despair’, as the economists Anne Case and Angus Deaton term it, either from a suicide or overdose, especially those down the economic ladder. Many men feel rudderless today since the role of provider and protector is no longer a pathway to identity. Men who lack the ability to provide, protect or significantly contribute to the family are psychologically the least likely to be able to offer their wives the kind of vulnerable, emotional and collaborative support that predicts today’s stable marriages. They’re more likely to retreat into anger, addiction and internet use, a dark triad of traits stemming from a preoccupation with self-reliance. Unfortunately, being vulnerable, talking about their feelings and asking their wives about theirs is the last thing most men want to do when they’re feeling small or defective. And they certainly don’t want to write about it.

It doesn’t help that so little understanding for men can be found across the political spectrum. As the economist Richard Reeves writes in Of Boys and Men (2022), progressives are quick to label problematic male behaviours in marriage as evidence of toxic masculinity and propose that men should be rehabilitated to learn how to communicate their feelings and needs in more socially adaptive ways. The populist Right, on the other hand, weaponises men’s dislocation and offers false promises such as removing women from the workforce or re-establishing men’s seat at the head of the family economic table – all the while failing to endorse family or work policies that would aid working men, women and their families.

I t’s important to ask: ‘Who’s leaving whom?’ Maybe men also don’t write about their divorces because of the shame that attends their wives’ leaving them, since, in the US at least, most of the time men are the ones getting left. Because men are more conflicted about showing weakness or vulnerability, it’s not difficult to see why men aren’t lining up to reveal themselves in this way, or finding a narrative of growth or transformation. In addition, men can face worse health effects than women after divorce or widowhood. They’re more likely to die or become ill if they don’t remarry or re-couple. Since husbands are the primary beneficiaries of their wives’ behaviours – such as scheduling doctor’s appointments, therapists or social engagements – the absence of this care can lead men’s orientation toward independence on a self-neglectful, even self-destructive course.

Another reason men – at least those in heterosexual marriages – sometimes do worse after divorce is that, for a significant percentage, their wives are their best friend, if not their only friend. Women commonly have much more extensive social networks, which may explain why they’re more likely to show resilience post-divorce, even if they’re often more at risk financially. Friendship is important and carries a whole host of psychological and health benefits. My wife calls her closest friends her ‘sister wives’. I like the double helix of the term, the way it encircles them as siblings and spouses, where platonic rather than romantic love is the bond. She talks to them often, sometimes daily. I like talking to my wife too, but not all of the time, and sometimes not as much as she wants. She accepts that we have temperamentally different inclinations towards conversation. And her acceptance of that disparity allows me to feel comfortable expressing vulnerability in ways that I would likely avoid under less favourable marital conditions.

However, many men today are caught between knowing what’s enough vulnerability with their wives – and what’s too much. Years ago, I saw a cartoon with two women in conversation; the caption read: ‘I want a guy who will well up with tears, I just don’t want one who actually cries.’ While that may or may not be true for the majority of women, it’s certainly true for some, at least based on my own private practice. Which is to say that men aren’t the only ones doing the gender policing around men’s emotions.

It’s good to be able to talk over your feelings but also good to know when to put them away

Some of these differences begin in childhood. Men are sometimes less fluent with feelings in adulthood, in part because parents, even parents today, are more likely to use emotion words with girls than they are with boys. This may also occur because girls begin talking at a younger age and remain more verbal than boys throughout their lives. The psychology professor Thomas Joiner found that, overall, boys are more secretive with their parents than are girls, and less responsive to and inclusive of their mothers. ‘The fact that, when the genders are combined into one group, gender rises to the top as a predictor of speech frequency, even beyond a personality characteristic like expressivity, shows its fundamental importance,’ Joiner writes in Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men’s Success (2011). ‘Speech frequency is of obvious importance to interpersonal exchange; indeed, it can be viewed as its currency … Talk can be viewed as tiny stitches in a social fabric; the more stitches, the more varied and durable the fabric.’ Men have fewer friends, fewer sources of support, and are far less likely to reach out for help. This means that, when they fall, there’s often no one there to catch them. Worse, they often won’t let anyone know that they’re falling.

Our society, and we therapists, idealise communication, vulnerability and expression of emotions, overall, for good reason. But, sometimes, not expressing yourself – more often the domain of men – has its own value. It’s similar to the parenting differences observed between women and men. Mothers tend to be more communicative, more sympathetic to the child, and more prone to guilt or worry about them. Fathers tend to be less conflicted about limit-setting, less preoccupied with the inner life of the child, and more oriented toward stimulation and excitement. Too much of one spoils the child. Too much of the other induces less self-reflection and emotional awareness. While everyone’s needs are different, the same could be said of a healthy marriage: it’s good to be able to talk over your feelings but also good to know when to put them away. As we therapists sometimes advise: ‘Before you say you don’t feel heard, consider how well you listen.’

Perhaps this is why the comedian Chris Rock’s observation – that men care about three things only: sex, food and silence – gets such a big laugh. There’s some truth in it. But I think it’s less about silence than it is the absence of conflict. While women can’t be described as liking conflict, some report that they see it as affirming when their husbands complain, since at least it shows he’s thinking about the relationship. Meanwhile, men often experience their wives’ complaints as a failure in their role as men or partners.

Because men in both straight and same-sex marriages are more preoccupied with sex than are women, they also suffer a greater cost by its absence. More to the point, sex is often a way that men gain access to their vulnerability and expressiveness, something women value. I often see couples caught in a downward spiral where the wife says she doesn’t want to be sexual unless her husband shows more vulnerability and openness, and the husband states that he has more difficulty accessing his vulnerability and romantic feelings without sex. I occasionally hear wives say they feel used by their husband’s preoccupation with having sex with them. I think that misunderstands the meaning of sex in marriage: for most men, it’s not just about the sex. It’s about the connection. Well, that and the sex.

It is tragic, though not surprising, that fathers are more likely to be estranged from their girls than from their boys

My experience counselling men and couples for the past four decades shows me that men also long to have close, intimate relationships, and sometimes leave their wives to pursue them when they feel too rejected or ignored. Yet a man leaving his marriage for love seems freighted with more condemnation or contempt than a woman. Culturally, this seems less permissible, and may also explain why men aren’t telling their stories. Perhaps we still have the idea that leaving a marriage is a more selfish act for a man because we assume that women agonise more about its effect on their children. In addition, our outdated ideas about men in marriage, along with men’s more self-reliant orientation, may cause us to believe that men don’t care as much and therefore don’t deserve as much empathy. Those beliefs might also be fuelled by the fact that, traditionally, men have been better able than women to land on their feet financially and have a better chance of re-coupling post-divorce.

Yet, fathers in my practice worry a lot before and after their divorces. In particular, they worry about how the divorce will affect their children and their relationship with them. With good reason, as it turns out. Recent research by the sociologist Rin Reczek at Ohio State University and colleagues found that, while roughly 6 per cent of people report a period of estrangement from mothers, a whopping 26 per cent of respondents report estrangement from fathers, especially by daughters. While not all of those fathers are divorced, my research shows that some 70 per cent of estranged parents became so after a divorce.

It is tragic, though not entirely surprising, that fathers are more likely to be estranged from their girls than from their boys. Daughters often seem to speak the same language as their mothers, their inclinations toward empathy allowing them to sense what she is feeling or thinking at an almost psychic level. As the journalist Ruth Whippman observed in The New York Times in 2018:

At both its best and its worst, the mother-daughter relationship can at times be as close as two humans can get to telepathy. With two people who are both heavily socialised to anticipate and meet everyone else’s emotional needs, the dynamic can become a kind of high-alert empathy, each constantly attempting to decode what the other might be thinking, hypersensitive to any change in pitch or tone, like a pair of high-strung racehorses.

While that disposition can make for a close relationship, it is not without its burdens. Mothers and daughters are the most common dyad seeking my services after the daughter has cut off contact. It’s another example of the way that care work, a predominantly female enterprise, can cause problems. Estrangement sometimes results because the daughter knows no other way to shed herself of the tidal pull of her mother’s emotions, especially painful ones. As Deborah Levy writes of a fictional mother in her novel Hot Milk (2016): ‘I must never look at her defeat with all I know, because I will turn it to stone with my disdain and my sorrow.’

N on-heterosexual marriages are less governed by gender-role expectations, though men in same-sex marriages still behave differently from women in same-sex marriages. Like straight men, gay men are less likely to engage in the kind of care work that is more common with women in straight and lesbian marriages but are more likely to share the care equally between the two partners when needed. Gay men appear to do better both in marriage and in communication, and have the lowest divorce rates in comparison with straight and gay women. They are more likely to openly discuss their sexual preferences and have agreements about the circumstances and types of sexual contact allowed outside the marriage. In The Case Against the Sexual Revolution (2022) Louise Perry writes :

[T]he average differences in male and female sexuality become glaringly obvious when we look at the gay and lesbian communities. Although it may be controversial to point out how dramatically these two sexual cultures differ, there is plenty of hard data that it would be dishonest to ignore. Lesbian women are remarkably keen on committed monogamy: the median lesbian woman in the UK reports just one sexual partner within the last year, and a majority report having known their sexual partners for months or years before they first had sex. Lesbian women are also significantly more likely than gay men to get married or enter into a civil partnership.

However, in comparison with gay male or heterosexual couples in marriage, lesbian marriages are also the most likely to end. As Coontz writes in her 2020 opinion piece:

Women put more energy into maintaining and deepening intimacy than most men do and have much more extensive expectations of empathy and emotional support. They also monitor relationship quality more closely and have higher standards for it. These traits can produce exceptionally intimate, supportive relationships, but they also consume a lot of energy and can generate stress or disappointment. This may help explain why lesbian partnerships, despite their high average quality, have higher breakup rates than gay-male couples or different-sex couples.

I asked Diane Ehrensaft, a psychology professor and gender specialist at the University of California, San Francisco and the author of Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender Non-Conforming Children (2011), about how these dynamics express themselves in transgender marriages and divorces. ‘I think to answer that question you have to break it down into: when one or both of the partners is trans when they come into the relationship, versus when one person transitions while in the relationship, and, within that category, when they start out as a heterosexual couple versus a same-sex couple,’ she explained in an email. ‘Mostly what I’ve observed when one person transitions after getting together, the trend seems to be that the woman in a previously heterosexual relationship doesn’t want to be with a woman, whereas I’ve noticed in same-sex gay relationships the couple is more likely to stay together if one transitions to transfeminine, and in same-sex two women relationships, it’s the woman who usually wants out if her partner transitions to transmasculine. So, I guess you might say that women either have their finger on the pulse more about what works for them or are less flexible about switching gears in their sexual relationships.’ She went on to clarify that her statements were observations, not hard data.

T he German historian Ute Frevert observed that: ‘[E]motions are not only made by history, they also make history.’ Perhaps nowhere is this truer than in the ways that feelings, far more than economics, social class or status, became crucial in determining whom to love and whom to leave. Sociologists of modernity such as Anthony Giddens in the UK, Ulrich Beck in Germany, and Pierre Bourdieu in France have noted that, as our lives began to be less governed by religion, neighbourhood or gender, our emotions became far more central in helping us decide whom to be close to or avoid. This highlights that, while women’s orientation toward care work and men’s emphasis on self-reliance may seem predetermined, it is in some ways historically recent. ‘In the localised and hierarchical society of the premodern era, no interactions were impersonal,’ the historian Coontz explained in an email quoting from her forthcoming book on the history and future of love and marriage. ‘Men had to gauge the moods to soothe the feelings of their social superiors; while women felt no obligation to be considerate of their social inferiors. But as work moved out of the home and politics became more competitive, men had to distance themselves from personal emotions and focus on “the bottom line”. Their wives became responsible for providing men a refuge from the demands of the workplace and the market, anticipating their needs and offering a place for emotional recuperation. During the 18th and 19th centuries, the doctrine of separate spheres made it inappropriate for men to read and respond to other people’s emotions, and inappropriate – indeed unacceptable – for women NOT to do so.’

Expanding on the role of emotions, the Israeli sociologist Eva Illouz describes three narratives that attend today’s contemplations of divorce – revelation , accumulation , and trauma. In this process, individuals retrospectively explain the desire or decision to disentangle themselves from the person with whom they were romantically involved by labelling and using emotions as a moral foundation to support decisions to stay or leave. ‘I shouldn’t have to feel so neglected all of the time.’ ‘I deserve to be with someone who is more affirming of who I am.’ ‘His anger was a form of emotional abuse and I don’t have to put up with that.’

Illouz notes that, over the course of the 20th century, the reasons for divorce became more affective and abstract. While alcoholism or neglect were most commonly given as reasons to divorce in the 1940s, by the 1970s and beyond, ‘growing apart’, ‘becoming more distant’ and ‘feeling unloved’ took their place. The ‘Relationships in America Survey’ (2014), sponsored by the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, found the following reasons for divorce listed by respondents: infidelity (37 per cent); spouse unresponsive to needs (32 per cent); growing tired of making a poor match work (30 per cent); spouse’s immaturity (30 per cent); emotional abuse (29 per cent); different financial priorities (24 per cent); and alcohol and/or drug abuse (23 per cent).

The opportunities for men to display their masculinity and honour have largely eroded

‘[E]motional intimacy has been a force of dis-institutionalisation, making marriage more likely to follow psychology than sociology, individual temperament rather than roles and norms,’ writes Illouz in The End of Love: A Sociology of Negative Emotions (2021). And in Why Love Hurts: A Sociological Explanation (2011), she writes :

It is therefore unsurprising that love has been historically so powerfully seductive to women; it promised them the moral status and dignity they were otherwise denied in society and it glorified their social fate: taking care of and loving others, as mothers, wives, and lovers … Women’s social inferiority could thus be traded for men’s absolute devotion in love, which in turn served as the very site of display and exercise of their masculinity, prowess, and honour.

Yet history marches on. The opportunities for men to display their masculinity and honour have largely eroded, and the ability for women to strongly push back against a perspective of them as inferior has been strengthened by the many ways that women have caught up to men and are surpassing them.

Consider the following statistics, cited by Reeves in Of Boys and Men :

  • Girls are about a year ahead of boys in terms of reading ability in OECD nations, while the advantage for boys in mathematics is increasingly shrinking.
  • Boys are 50 per cent more likely than girls to fail at mathematics, reading, and science.
  • Girls are more likely to graduate from high school.
  • While the Ivy League colleges in the US were always predominately male, every one of them today is majority female.
  • Women account for around half the managerial positions in the US economy.
  • Many previously male-dominated professions, including medicine and financial management, are rapidly tilting female, especially among younger professionals.
  • The proportion of women lawyers has increased tenfold, from 4 per cent in 1980 to 43 per cent in 2020.
  • In 1968, only 33 per cent of young women in their teens and early 20s said they expected to be in paid work at the age of 35. By 1980, the share was 80 per cent.

This isn’t to say that parity has been reached across the board. Only one in five executive-level company directors is a woman and, of the Fortune 500 firms, just 44 have a female CEO. The share of venture capital money going to female founders is less than 3 per cent. So, at the upper reaches of the economy, there is still much more work to do for women. But, the further you progress down the economic ladder, it’s men who are struggling far more than women.

So, why don’t men write more about their experiences?

Joyce Maynard – a bestselling author of 18 books, including two memoirs – has been hosting writing retreats for more than 20 years. While most of her memoir retreats have been open to men, she notes that they seldom attend. ‘Women have been telling each other their stories all their lives, and it’s not unfamiliar for them to do so,’ she told me in a phone call. ‘But it’s been my experience that for a man to reach a place of openness to exposing emotional pain or struggle, something in his experience had to bring him to his knees.’ Maynard added that, as someone who twice attended previously all-male educational institutions in the Ivy League, she had long observed the difficulty of men – particularly high-achievers – to acknowledge loss or vulnerability. She told the story of attending the recent 50-year reunion of her almost all-male class at Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire. ‘After decades of feeling the requirement to present themselves as successful,’ she said, ‘as they approached age 70, my classmates were no longer trying to set the world on fire. They had survived failed marriages, trouble with adult children, health issues. Many seemed relieved to finally be able to set down the mantle our culture had instructed them to carry all those years. They were able to reveal their more authentic selves in a whole new way. And, of course that’s what writing memoir requires: a willingness to look at one’s failures as well as one’s victories, and then make sense of them.’

To be clear, some men are writing memoirs on this topic: ‘The Marriage Lesson That I Learned Too Late’ (2022) by Matthew Fray; The Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had (2014) by Gerald Rogers; Falling Forward: A Man’s Memoir of Divorce (2014) by Chris Easterly; A Man’s Guide to Surviving Divorce: How to Cope and Move On with Life (2011) by R L Blackwood; and Men on Divorce: The Other Side of the Story (1997), an anthology by the editors of Women on Divorce (1995) – both female. But they pale in comparison with those authored by women authors.

T he challenges that exist in today’s marriages are exacerbated by our highly individualistic culture in the US, where the gospels of twining one’s soul with another’s while prizing identity and independence are characterised as eminently achievable. Yet reconciling these often-contradictory forces requires enormous emotional and material assets. ‘The very idea of living “autonomously” and organising life as a self-defined, goal-driven, and future-oriented project would seem to require resources, private space, and an independence from other people that only the affluent and upwardly mobile might possess,’ writes the sociologist Joseph E Davis in Chemically Imbalanced: Everyday Suffering, Medication, and Our Troubled Quest for Self-Mastery (2020).

And not to be a bummer but, while the hero’s journey of leaving a bad marriage can make for compelling and sympathetic memoirs, in the US, 67 per cent of second marriages end in divorce too, and 73 per cent of third marriages fail to go the distance. As Joni Mitchell sang in ‘Help Me’ (1974): ‘We love our lovin’. But not like we love our freedom.’ Freedom to stay. Freedom to leave. Freedom to choose. Perhaps a more apt lyric is Sheryl Crow’s: ‘If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?’

So, maybe, like many things in life, men want the freedom not to talk about it, let alone write it down. Or they want the freedom to hide how sad, lonely or hurt they feel by the loss of their marriages or the decline in the relationships with their children. Maybe they worry that they’ll look weak or inadequate in the eyes of women – let alone men – if they reveal how lost and alone they feel.

And maybe they’re not wrong.

personal essay about divorce

History of technology

Indexing the information age

Over a weekend in 1995, a small group gathered in Ohio to unleash the power of the internet by making it navigable

Monica Westin

Seen from inside, a couple eat a basic meal whilst outside in an alleyway a queue of mostly older people wait their turn

Political philosophy

Liberal socialism now

As the crisis of democracy deepens, we must return to liberalism’s revolutionary and egalitarian roots

Matthew McManus

A footballer in the Manchester United red strip runs past cheering fans in the stadium

Sports and games

The moral risks of fandom

Players, coaches and team owners sometimes do terrible things. What, if anything, should their fans do about that?

Jake Wojtowicz & Alfred Archer

personal essay about divorce

Animals and humans

Ant geopolitics

Over the past four centuries quadrillions of ants have created a strange and turbulent global society that shadows our own

John Whitfield

personal essay about divorce

There was no Jesus

How could a cult leader draw crowds, inspire devotion and die by crucifixion, yet leave no mark in contemporary records?

Gavin Evans

personal essay about divorce

Computing and artificial intelligence

Frontier AI ethics

Generative agents will change our society in weird, wonderful and worrying ways. Can philosophy help us get a grip on them?

  • International edition
  • Australia edition
  • Europe edition

I don’t.

'I was totally knocked sideways': readers share their stories of divorce

We asked you to share your divorce stories – the sad moments, the surprises, and even the spots of levity. Here’s how you responded

While I was totally knocked sideways by my husband’s unexpected departure, I came to realise that the situation presented an opportunity for me to focus on me and my own dreams. I moved back to Ireland from the UK, opened my chocolate business here, bought a house in the country, and I’ve never been happier … All my dramas are my own, not his. All my successes are my own, not his. All my happiness is my own, not his. My divorce has allowed me to arrive in my own life – and stay here comfortably with a smile on my face and a sense of gratefulness for my health, my happiness and my dream. —Enda, 45, Ireland
We mailed out a ‘divorce announcement’ card. The cover read, ‘To let you know that we have a new life apart …’ The picture was of two ships, one named ‘me’, the other ‘you’, traveling in different directions with a breaching whale between the two. The back of the card read, ‘What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.’ Reception to the card was mixed. —Theresa, 58, United States
I met my ex 13 years ago, on the school ski trip. He was charming and cool, jealous and manipulative, and we had a turbulent few years, as typical teenage relationships do. We split a couple of times throughout university, but ended up graduating together. Seven years of co-habitating, a change of cities, several changes of jobs, and our first owned home later, he proposed. We’d been through good and bad times; no disillusionment here. We didn’t have a romantic notion of love. We’d discussed our future and hopes for the ‘good life’ and family. Six months after our wedding, the problems started. From highly stressful times at work, to being away from a big city and friends – reality seemed too much for him. He shrank away from the marriage; whilst citing other issues, he also blamed a lot of his unhappiness on our relationship. He no longer wanted to spend time in it or with me. I wanted more than I ever had, too; to be the ‘right’ type of married couple that I thought married people should be, despite that not reflecting our prior 12 happy years. I fought for as long as I could and tried to be the ‘patient wife’ and uphold those vows we’d taken. But I told him to leave if he didn’t love me. He did. —Anonymous, United Kingdom
The moment I told my husband I was gay, I thought I would break. ‘I kissed a woman,’ I said. ‘And I think I might be bisexual, maybe even gay.’ I had added in the ‘I think I might be’ to soften the blow. I had known within seconds of the kiss that my life had changed forever. I loved my husband. But in that fleeting moment I felt a desire I had never before experienced. This is how it’s MEANT to feel … This is it. This is who I am. —Anonymous, 35, Australia
This might seem like a strange thing to say, but it’s the ‘admin’ side of things you don’t tend to think about when big life changes happen. Telling people about what’s happened is admin. Dealing with estate agents and looking for a job; it’s all admin. It was hard, saying the same things over and over again, explaining myself so that everybody could understand (or said they did) and then they could follow the sympathy script and tell me to call them if I needed anything. For a very long time, every conversation I had was exactly the same, and I felt as though I was being constantly tiptoed around. I’d have quite liked it if somebody had just told me a joke. —Nina, 39, United Kingdom
One day, he came to me and said he wanted to have an open relationship. We’d been in a monogamous relationship for 11 years. I tried to understand, tried to support him, but this was bigger than me. We tried to cope for six months; I stayed, I waited, I listened. He changed his mind every other day, until I couldn’t bear it any more. I lost my partner, my lover, my best friend. But I remained true to myself. I envy the couples that are able to remain together through the storms. But both need to feel they want to stay. For a very long time, it felt as if I’d failed. Now, I’ve come to the realization that love is not always enough, and that getting a divorce is not a failure. —Anonymous, 44, Colombia
I got divorced earlier this year after two years of marriage. For me, it came really out of the blue. My husband came home one night and told me that he had fallen in love with someone else; when I asked him if our marriage was over, he said, ‘Yes.’ And that was it. My parents came and picked me up and took me home. He moved in with her one week later. Finding out he had been unfaithful was a very surreal moment. He was the last person you’d expect to do that, and it sent shockwaves through our family and social circles. He’s still with the woman he had an affair with, and according to a friend, they’ve just bought a house together. I’m glad that it’s working out – I wouldn’t want him to have left for a fling. —Anonymous, 28, United Kingdom
  • The divorce survival guide

Comments (…)

Most viewed.

Become a Writer Today

Essays About Divorce: Top 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Essays about divorce can be challenging to write; read on to see our top essay examples and writing prompts to help you get started.

Divorce is the legal termination of a marriage. It can be a messy affair, especially if it includes children. Dividing the couple’s assets also often causes chaos when divorce proceedings are in session. 

Divorce also touches and considers religion and tradition. Therefore, laws are formed depending on the country’s history, culture, and belief system.

To help you choose what you want to talk about regarding this topic, here are examples you can read to get an idea of what kind of essay you want to write.

1. Divorce Should Be Legalized in the Philippines by Ernestine Montgomery

2. to divorce or not to divorce by mark ghantous, 3. what if you mess up by manis friedman, 4. divorce: a life-changing experience by writer louie, 5. divorce’s effects on early adult relationships by percy massey, 1. the major reasons for divorce, 2. why i support divorce, 3. my divorce experience, 4. how to avoid divorce, 5. divorce and its effects on my family, 6. the consequences of divorce, 7. divorce laws around the world.

“What we need is a divorce law that defines clearly and unequivocally the grounds and terms for terminating a marriage… Divorce is a choice and we all should have the freedom to make choices… in cases where a union is more harmful than beneficial, a divorce can be benevolent and less hurtful way of severing ties with your partner.”

As the title suggests, Montgomery and his other colleagues discuss why the Philippines, a predominantly Catholic country, needs to allow divorce. Then, to strengthen his argument, he mentions that Spain, the root of Christianity, and Italy, where the Vatican City is, administer divorce. 

He also mentions bills, relevant figures, and statistics to make his case in favor of divorce more compelling. Montgomery adds that people who want a divorce don’t necessarily mean they want to marry again, citing other motives such as abuse and marital failure.

“Divorce, being the final step in a detrimental marriage, brings upon the gruesome decision as to whether a married couple wishes to end that once made commitment they had for each other. As opposed to the present, divorce was rare in ancient times…”

Ghantous starts his essay with what divorce means, as not only an end of a commitment but also the termination of legal duties and other obligations of the couple to each other. He then talks about divorce in ancient times, when men had superior control over women and their children. He also mentions Caroline Norton, who fought with English family law that was clearly against women.

“So even though G‑d has rules,… laws,… divine commandments, when you sin, He tells you: ‘You messed up? Try again.’ That’s exactly how you should be married — by treating your spouse the way G‑d treats you. With that much mercy and compassion, that much kindness and consideration.”

Friedman’s essay discusses how the Torah sees marriage and divorce and explains it by recounting a scene with his daughters where they couldn’t follow a recipe. He includes good treatment and forgiveness necessary in spouses. But he also explains that God understands and doesn’t want people in a failed marriage to continue hurting. You might also be interested in these essays about commitment .

“Depending on the reasons that led up to the divorce the effects can vary… I was fourteen years old and the one child that suffered the most emotional damage… My parents did not discuss their reasons for the divorce with me, they didn’t have to, and I knew the reasons.”

The author starts the essay by citing the famous marital promise: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer,” before going in-depth regarding the divorce rate among Americans. He further expounds on how common divorce is, including its legalities. Although divorce has established legal grounds, it doesn’t consider the emotional trauma it will cause, especially for children.

Louie recounts how his life changed when his dad moved out, listing why his parents divorced. He ends the essay by saying society is at fault for commercializing divorce as if it’s the only option.

“With divorce becoming more prevalent, many researchers have taken it upon themselves to explore many aspects of this topic such as evolving attitudes, what causes divorce, and how it effects the outcome of children’s lives.”

Massey examines the causes of divorce and how it impacts children’s well-being by citing many relevant research studies. Some of the things he mentions are the connection between the child’s mental health, behavioral issues, and future relationships. Another is the trauma a child can endure during the divorce proceedings.

He also mentions that some children who had a broken family put marriage on a pedestal. As a result, they do their best to create a better future family and treat their children better.

Top 7 Prompts on Essays About Divorce

After adding to your knowledge about the subject, you’re better prepared to write essays about divorce.

There are many causes of the dissolution of marriage, and many essays have already discussed these reasons. However, you can explain these reasons differently. For example, you can focus on domestic abuse, constant fighting, infidelity, financial issues, etc.

If you want to make your piece stand out, you can include your personal experience, but only if you’re comfortable sharing your story with others. 

If you believe divorce offers a better life for all parties involved, list these benefits and explain them. Then, you can focus on a specific pro of legalizing divorce, such as getting out of an abusive relationship. 

If you want to write an essay to argue against the negative effects of divorce, here’s an excellent guide on how to write an argumentative essay .

This prompt is not only for anyone who has no or sole guardian. If you want to write about the experiences of a child raised by other people or who lives with a single parent, you can interview a friend or anyone willing to talk about their struggles and triumphs even if they didn’t have a set of parents.

Aside from reasons for divorce, you can talk about what makes these reasons more probable. Then, analyze what steps couples can take to avoid it. Such as taking couples’ therapy, weekly family get-together, etc. To make your essay more valuable, weigh in on what makes these tips effective.

Essays About Divorce: Divorce and its effects on my family

Divorce is diverse and has varying effects. There are many elements to its results, and no two sets of factors are precisely the same for two families. 

If you have an intimate experience of how your immediate and extended family dynamic had been affected by divorce, narrate those affairs. Include what it made you and the others around you feel. You might also be interested in these essays about conflict .

This is a broad prompt, but you can narrow it down by focusing on an experience you or a close friend had. You can also interview someone closely related to a divorce case, such as a lawyer, reporter, or researcher. 

If you don’t have any experience with divorce, do not know anyone who had to go through it, or is more interested in its legal aspects, compiles different divorce laws for each country. You can even add a brief history for each law to make the readers understand how they came about.

Are you looking for other topics to write on? Check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

personal essay about divorce

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

View all posts

Persuasive & Argumentative Essays about Divorce: Free Tips

A divorce is a life-changing experience that affects spouses and their children (if there are any). Since divorce rates are relatively high in modern society, more and more people face this problem nowadays.

Our specialists will write a custom essay specially for you!

When you are assigned to compose an argumentative essay about divorce, you should be as careful as possible. Remember that the split-up of marriage can be a painful experience for everyone involved.

The article will give you useful advice on how to write an outstanding paper on the topic. Learn the essential features of the following types:

  • persuasive essay about divorce,
  • for and against essay,
  • causes and effects of divorce essay,

Check tips from Custom-writing.org below and write the best paper!

  • 💍 How to Write It
  • 📂 Essays by Type
  • ✒ Causes and Effects

✍️ Divorce Essay Topics

💍 how to write a divorce essay.

The general structure of essays on divorce is quite common:

  • introduction;
  • conclusion.

Yet, there are some variations of what info to include in the body, depending on the essay type. The following structure is applicable for divorce argumentative essay. To learn about the features of other types, keep on reading our article.

Just in 1 hour! We will write you a plagiarism-free paper in hardly more than 1 hour

Argumentative divorce essays are composed according to the standard structure:

1. Thesis Statement about Divorce

A divorce essay introduction isn’t anything extraordinary as you have to introduce your topic and position.

  • You should always give broad information about the issue and state the main problems you will discuss in your writing.
  • Make a general statement about the consequences of divorce or the common divorce effects on people.
  • Then write your thesis statement on divorce. Clearly explain to the audience the topic you’re going to discuss and your position on that topic. In case you find this task difficult, try using a thesis generator for argumentative essay . This will save you some time.

That’s it! Now your divorce essay introduction is ready.

What’s next?

2. Main Body

This section presents all of your ideas and arguments related to the topic of divorce.

Receive a plagiarism-free paper tailored to your instructions. Cut 20% off your first order!

  • Here you can write about the adverse effects of divorce on children or the most common reasons people divorce.
  • Use compelling arguments and support your ideas with examples.

There are tons of surveys and statistics about divorce on the internet, so it won’t be too challenging to gather the information you need.

3. Conclusion

In the last paragraph, you have to sum up your paper and leave a final expression.

  • Summarize every idea presented in your divorce essay.
  • Restate your thesis statement on divorce, relying on your reasoning.
  • Then list your concluding thoughts on this topic.

Make your sentences clear and easy to follow. Use synonyms to improve your writing style. Such an approach will help you convince the readers and express your thoughts better.

📂 Divorce Essays by Type

The content and reasoning of each paper on divorce depend primarily on the type of essay . See the following sections to understand how to write each of them.

Here are a few types you can consider:

Get an originally-written paper according to your instructions!

Argumentative Essay about Divorce

When it comes to divorce, there are many disputable topics—for example, the reasons people separate or its impact on children. It’s easy to find support and statistics for both issues. And you’ll need them as facts are a crucial part of a divorce argumentative essay.

As a starting point:

Research your idea and choose a side to support. Make sure that among all argumentative essay topics about divorce, you selected the most interesting for yourself. In your thesis statement, concisely express your position, so the reader can quickly get it.

Then, start writing the entire essay. Regardless of what type of paper you are writing—anti or pro divorce argumentative essay—your writing should meet these requirements:

  • Base your points on logic;
  • Present both sides of the arguments, but support only one;
  • Take into consideration counterclaims;
  • Support all the arguments by valid evidence;
  • Use a calm, informative tone.

Don’t forget to incorporate quotes and figures to convince your readers.

Persuasive Essay about Divorce

What is the goal of writing persuasive essays ? It’s to convince your reader that your position on a particular problem is true.

Therefore, writing this paper means that you should identify an individual problem related to the topic. In the introduction of your persuasive essay about divorce, you should choose your side and deliver it to the reader.

Crucial note:

Similarly to an argumentative essay, you have to provide credible facts to support your position. Yet here, you use them to back up your opinion and persuade your reader.

While composing your persuasive essay about the legalization of divorce, remember its distinctive features:

  • Based on emotions;
  • Presents only one side of the argument;
  • Ignores counterclaims;
  • The tone is dynamic, emotionally-charged, and aggressive to some extent.

Cause and Effect Essay on Divorce

Whether it concerns old parents or a young couple, divorce typically has the same causes and effects. You can often see them clearly, even in books or movies.

The essay outline for the causes and effects of divorce essay is quite common:

  • Introduction.

In your divorce essay introduction, provide a general background and compose a clear thesis statement. For example, your thesis might look like this:

A divorce, caused by the spouses’ expectations mismatch, results in a lack of communication between children and one of the parents.

In this part of your essay, investigate the cause and effect of divorce, you stated before.

For the given thesis, the main points would be the following:

The primary cause of divorce is the mismatch in the spouses’ expectations from the marriage.

The divorce often results in a lack of children’s interactions with one of the parents.

  • Conclusion.

Synthesize all of your arguments and give your audience a space for a further investigation of your issue.

Narrative Essay about Divorce

If your assignment is to write a family essay, you can choose from a wide range of topics. For this purpose, a marriage essay or a divorce essay would be perfect.

In a short paper about your family, it isn’t easy to cover many topics. So choose only one.

Look through some narrative essay topics and select the one you like:

  • The story of my divorce: how did I decide to break up with my spouse?
  • My life completely changed after my parents divorced.
  • How my life looked like before the divorce with my wife/husband and how it looks now.
  • The way divorce destroys healthy communication between children and parents in my family.

For and Against Divorce Essay

As you know, both the negative and positive effects of divorce are disputable, making them appealing to discuss. There are many recent studies and relevant statistical data on the topic to help you write such an essay.

This topic would also be great for a speech on divorce.

Wondering what are the for and against divorce arguments? Take a look at the following:

✒ Divorce: Causes and Effects

We have a pleasant bonus for you! Below, you can find useful arguments and insightful ideas that you can use in your papers on divorce. Apply our concepts in any type of essay, adjusting them to your topic.

Divorce essays can cover the following issues:

Generally Known Facts on Divorces

When covering this issue in your persuasive essay on divorce, you will have to cover the problem altogether. Include the common marriage problems that psychologists all over the world study. Use their statistical data on divorces when crafting your argument.

Divorce is quite a broad topic, and you may want to narrow it down. With so much information available, you could write a research paper on divorce without any difficulty.

Statistical Data on Divorces

Good divorce essays should include enough statistical data. It will add more scientific value and reveal your research abilities. Besides, facts and figures present many exciting topics to comment on.

For example:

You can do significant research concerning divorce causes and consequences. Draw a contrast between divorce in several countries, or examine the age and education of people who officially separate more often.

Reasons for Divorces

What does an essay on divorce mean without discussion of its reasons?

Find out different sociologists’ viewpoints on the reasons for divorces. Then underline the cause you consider to be the most truthful one.

You can also provide your own theory on the grounds for divorces in your persuasive essay on divorce. The key point is to prove the accuracy of your statement.

Divorce Prevention Ideas

If there is a problem, there must be some solution. So, think of the possible ways to make a marriage work.

Investigate divorce causes from a scientific point of view. Examine the primary studies that reveal why people actually break up. Also, discuss the precautions that can help married couples avoid significant conflicts.

Effects of Divorce on Children

Parents sometimes forget that their divorce isn’t only about them but also about their children. It causes psychological problems for kids, which you can classify in your paper. Don’t forget to add some statistical data on divorce to support your arguments.

Every child reacts differently to their parents’ breakup. It’s a rare case when divorce consequences are positive, making the effects on kids an urgent topic to discuss.

Positive Effects of Divorce

Sometimes divorce isn’t a catastrophe but rather the only way to heal wounds and begin a new life. Often, people don’t recognize that they need to change their lives for the better. This situation is primarily related to abusive marriages or those with regular cheating.

In these cases, the positive effects of divorce may seem easy to understand. However, psychologists have to make great efforts to persuade people to end their relationships. Write a paper making this same argument.

  • Negative outcomes of divorce on children .  
  • Connection between divorce and antisocial behavior of children.  
  • Family crises and the issue it causes: divorce, remarriage, stepparents, adoption. 
  • Effect of divorce on teenagers ’ academic performance.  
  • Causes and consequences of divorce . 
  • What can be done to decrease divorce rates in America ?  
  • Does parental divorce affect the rates of juvenile delinquency ? 
  • The most widespread reasons for divorce .  
  • Analyze marital success factors and Gottman’s predictors of divorce.  
  • Impact of divorce on child’s mental health .  
  • Change of divorce law throughout history.  
  • Positive and negative changes in children’s behavior after divorce.  
  • Divorce : a disaster or a benefit?  
  • Is cheating one of the main reasons of divorce?  
  • Gender stratification impact on divorce trends.  
  • Effect of divorce on family relationship .  
  • Do divorced parents change their child-rearing styles ?  
  • List of factors typically associated with higher divorce rates .  
  • The support required for all the members of divorced and single-parent families . 
  • Analyze the reasons for high divorce rates . 
  • Does divorce only impact adolescent in a bad way?  
  • Effect of poverty on divorce rates.  
  • Specifics of divorce in the UAE . 
  • Does divorce lead to depression ?  
  • Family therapy and its role in decreasing divorce rates.  
  • The impact of divorce on children-parents relationship.  
  • Evaluation of child custody in divorce proceedings.  
  • How to manage the stress of divorce.   
  • Effect of divorce on children’s self-esteem.  
  • How to minimize the devastating consequences of divorce .  
  • Addiction as the reason for divorce.  
  • Effective communication in marriage and its role in preventing divorce.  
  • Divorce as the only way out of an abusive relationship .  
  • Financial issues of divorce and how to overcome them.  
  • Parental support is the best way to help children to go through divorce .  
  • How do adolescents adjust to parental divorce?  
  • Do boys and girls react to the parental divorce the same way?  
  • Social media can destroy relationship and lead to divorce. 
  • Can Christian counseling help couples to resolve their issues and avoid divorce?  
  • Poverty among divorced women.  
  • Young marriage has more chances to break-up.  
  • Respect is the best way to get marriage satisfaction and avoid divorce.  
  • Is interfaith marriage doomed to divorce? 
  • Why a successful marriage may end in divorce?  
  • Marriage contract will help to facilitate the legal side of divorce process.  
  • Reduction of the number of divorces . 
  • Personal development after divorce.  
  • How family relationships influence future marriage and divorce chances of children. 
  •   Child support in case of marriage divorce.  
  • Will lack of family and work balance definitely result in divorce?  

If you are stuck on writing, you can always ask us for help! Whether you need a persuasive essay on divorce or any other paper, we are here and ready to assist.

Thanks for reading the article! Share it with friends who may need our tips or assistance.

Further reading:

  • Top Ideas for Argumentative or Persuasive Essay Topics
  • Best Argumentative Research Paper Topics
  • 197 Inspirational & Motivational Argumentative Essay Topics
  • Gun Control Essay: How-to Guide + Argumentative Topics
  • Proposal Essay Topics and Ideas – Easy and Interesting
  • Free Exemplification Essay Examples

🔗 References

  • Essay Introductions
  • Transitional Words and Phrases
  • Argumentative Paper Format
  • The Writing Process
  • Divorce Argument Essay: Bartleby
  • Cause and Effect Essay: The Online Writing Lab (OWL) at Roane State Community College and UNC at Chapel Hill Writing Center
  • Counterargument: Gordon Harvey, the Writing Center at Harvard University
  • Share to Facebook
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
  • Share to email

Wow! Thanks for this! This will help me on my speech topic a lot! Thank you Jack‼️

Custom Writing

Hi, Caresse! Thank you for the feedback. Glad you found the post helpful! Come back for more 🙂

Glad you enjoyed reading the post!

Recommended for You

1000-Word Essays: Writing Guide + FAQ

1000-Word Essays: Writing Guide + FAQ

Do you have to write an essay for the first time? Or maybe you’ve only written essays with less than 1000 words? Someone might think that writing a 1000-word essay is a rather complicated and time-consuming assignment. Others have no idea how difficult thousand-word essays can be. Well, we have...

If I Could Change the World Essay: Examples & Writing Guide

If I Could Change the World Essay: Examples & Writing Guide

To write an engaging “If I Could Change the World” essay, you have to get a few crucial elements: The questions that define this paper type: What? How? Whom? When? Where? The essay structure that determines where each answer should be; Some tips that can make your writing unique and original. Let us...

Why I Want to be a Pharmacist Essay: How to Write [2024]

Why I Want to be a Pharmacist Essay: How to Write [2024]

Why do you want to be a pharmacist? An essay on this topic can be challenging, even when you know the answer. The most popular reasons to pursue this profession are the following:

How to Critique a Movie: Tips + Film Critique Example

How to Critique a Movie: Tips + Film Critique Example

How to write a film critique essay? To answer this question, you should clearly understand what a movie critique is. It can be easily confused with a movie review. Both paper types can become your school or college assignments. However, they are different. A movie review reveals a personal impression...

LPI Essay Samples: An Effective Way to Prepare for the Test

LPI Essay Samples: An Effective Way to Prepare for the Test

Are you getting ready to write your Language Proficiency Index Exam essay? Well, your mission is rather difficult, and you will have to work hard. One of the main secrets of successful LPI essays is perfect writing skills. So, if you practice writing, you have a chance to get the...

Dengue Fever Essay: How to Write It Guide [2024 Update]

Dengue Fever Essay: How to Write It Guide [2024 Update]

Dengue fever is a quite dangerous febrile disease that can even cause death. Nowadays, this disease can be found in the tropics and Africa. Brazil, Singapore, Taiwan, Indonesia, and India are also vulnerable to this disease.

  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Information Science and Technology
  • Social Issues

Home Essay Samples Life

Essay Samples on Divorce

Divorce is a complex and deeply personal process that involves the legal dissolution of a marriage. It marks the end of a once-promising union and triggers a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief and newfound independence. Understanding the intricacies of divorce and its effects is crucial when writing college essays about divorce.

How to Write College Essays About Divorce

When exploring the subject of divorce, it is important to delve into the factors that contribute to its occurrence and look at college essays about divorce examples. These can include communication issues, incompatibility, domestic abuse, financial strain, or even external factors such as societal expectations or cultural norms. Discussing these causes helps paint a comprehensive picture of the complexities surrounding divorce.

To provide a well-rounded perspective for an example of college essay about divorce, consider including statistics or research findings related to divorce rates, average durations of marriages, or common age groups affected by divorce. This data can help support your arguments and provide a factual foundation for your essay.

Additionally, it is crucial to examine the legal aspects of divorce. Different jurisdictions have specific laws and regulations governing the process, including property division, alimony, child custody, and visitation rights. Incorporating information about these legal frameworks can add depth to your essay and showcase a comprehensive understanding of divorce proceedings.

While divorce can be emotionally challenging, it also offers opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. Discuss the psychological and emotional impacts divorce can have on individuals, as well as strategies for coping and rebuilding one’s life after the end of a marriage.

Lastly, explore the societal implications of divorce. Analyze how divorce impacts the perception of marriage, family structures, and gender roles. Consider the evolving attitudes towards divorce in different cultures and how society supports or stigmatizes individuals going through this process in the divorce essay example.

Cause and Effect of Broken Family: Exploring the Impact on Individuals and Society

A broken family, characterized by divorce, separation, or strained relationships among family members, can have profound effects on individuals and society as a whole. This essay delves into the cause and effect of broken families, and examines the far-reaching consequences on emotional well-being, academic performance,...

Growing Up with Divorced Parents: Discussing the Topic of Divorce With Your Children

“Kids need parents not part-time visitors with a checkbook” how important it is to have to a male figure and a woman figure In your childhood? Understanding that your child’s growing stages could be affected because the child's parent doesn't want involvement with them. How...

Growing Up With Divorced Parents: The Impact of Divorce on the Children

Introduction Evidence suggests that children of divorced or separated parents have a higher tendency of being diagnosed with affective disorders such as depression, in comparison to children with parents who are still together. However, the effect size of this finding is weak. The reasons that...

The Effects Of Divorce On Children

Introduction: Divorces are common; unfortunately, the children are the victims of this decision. One out of every two marriages today end up in a divorce, and many divorced families include children. Parents who are getting divorced every now and then are stressed over the impact...

The Effects Of Divorce On Children In America

Introduction Every year, over a million American youngsters endure the separation of their parents. Separation makes hopeless mischief all included, yet most particularly to the kids. In spite of the fact that it may be appeared to profit a few people in some individual cases,...

Stressed out with your paper?

Consider using writing assistance:

  • 100% unique papers
  • 3 hrs deadline option

The Effects Of Divorce On Children And Young Adolescents

Introduction The Star Online recorded an alarming figure in 2015 – one divorce every 10 minutes in Malaysia! According to the latest statistics released the Department of Statistics Malaysia in 28 December 2018, there are about 50,000 divorce cases per year in 2016 and 2017....

The Causes Of Divorce That Lead To The Annulment

The purpose of this paper is to elaborate on the major causes of divorce, psychological effects and how to cope with it. An increase in amount of U.S. couples divorcing is growing. Statistics stated in the paper is proof. The lacks of communication, physical and...

  • Marriage and Family

The Causes Of Divorce And The Ruined Marriages

Divorce is becoming more common in today's society. Webster defines divorce as an act of separation. For each marriage, the reasons of divorce vary. The main reasons for divorce are lack of commitment, lack of communication, financial problems and infidelity. A lack of commitment is...

  • Divorce Rate

The Causes Of Divorce: The Reason Marriage Fails

Divorce among married couples is more popular than ever in today's day and age. Webster's specified divorce is the formal breakup of a relationship. Statistics show that the major causes of divorces are: infidelity, lack of communication, lack of commitment, and financial problems. A lack...

The Causes And Effects Of Divorce

In today’s world, we are encountering a variety of social problems. From the lack of healthcare, poverty, alcohol and drug abuse, crime, unemployment, and much more. Then, there are the type of social problems that society often faces behind closed doors. For instance, one of...

Main Reasons For Divorce In The United States And How It Impacts Family

Approximately 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in separation or divorce. As many understand, this disunion brings about change, oftentimes negative. The majority of households witness increased conflicts among family members, distance, and health-related issues. The increase in division among so many...

My Personal Opinion On Why Divorce Shouldn't Be Legalized

Healthy marriages are important for couples, mental and physical health. However, based on the 2019 American Psychological Association statistics, Divorce has affected 40 to 50% of the total number of married couples all over the globe and has become one of the most prominent contemporary...

Common Social Problems Encountered In Family Life And How They Affect The Marriage

In this paper I will be addressing some common social problems a family faces. A social problem is an issue that influences a large number of individuals within a society. The social problems I will be discussing in this paper are divorce, violence, financial problems,...

  • Infertility

Divorce Rates In Kenya And Means To Reduce Them

Introduction Family is the essential unit of human cooperation, accommodating both generational renewal and individual linkage to the bigger society as it has been for a huge number of years. We can therefore argue that Family is the most fundamental part of society. It is...

Divorce Process And Finances In Hennepin County

The divorce rate in Minnesota is 10% — one of the highest divorce rates in the country, government statistics reveal. Money is the leading cause of stress in relationships and has been found to be responsible for at least 21% of divorces. Married couples considering...

  • Child Custody

Comparison of Cohabitation and Marriage: Advantages and Disadvantages

In our modern world, there are so many couples that are adapting to the idea of living together with their partners as an alternative to marriage or just to get a taste of how marriage is. Cohabitation and marriage are quite different in various ways...

  • Cohabitation

Report on the Family Structure of the UK and Changes Within It

What are the different types of family in the UK and how common are they? Using statistical evidence discuss to what changes are occurring in the structure of families in Britain. The different types of family in the UK. Single person household It represents 29%...

Issues with Divorce in Roman Catholic Marriage

Divorce refers to putting an end to a matrimonial union, whereby, both couples may go separate ways. Christians use the Bible as a guideline when addressing issues of marriage (religiously recognized marital union) and Christian life, while in the union. In the new testament, the...

  • Christian Marriage

Why Divorces Become More Frequent: Research Study

Pothen (2002), studied 200 divorced men and 200 divorced women. She found that husbands and wives had great expectations about their future partners before marriage, which were not fulfilled in marriage. Strains in their marital life started when these expectations did not meet reality. Majority...

Divorce and Its Rate: Literature Review

Brian, (2011) stated “Separation is linked with highly increased risk of so many psychological and social problems throughout the life span of a person. While experiencing the parental separation most of the family members specially children got rough reactions towards divorce during the process but...

  • Literature Review

Problem of Divorce Rate in Canada and Its Effect on Children

Sadly, the world we live in today is made up of many problems and sad truths that seem to be growing faster than we can imagine, one in which we see most often in society today that is overlooked. This problem we face today is...

How Divorce Has Affected My Future Relationships

I did not grow up in a stereotypical family home with loving parents and siblings. At five years old, my parents had separated to get divorced. My mother received full custody. We moved to a neighboring city to remain close to my father. Although they...

  • Family Relationships

Family and Marriage: The Rate and Percentage of Divorced

Family and marriage is a significant factor in the public arena today. A decent family structure can shape youngsters' lives as they change from youth to adulthood, anyway, a poor family structure could be the defeat of numerous kids in the present society. Numerous components...

A Smart Exit Strategy Before Initiating The Divorce Process

Of all the financially draining and time-consuming legal hassles you can possibly encounter in your lifetime, divorce is among the most difficult. Unfortunately, divorce is a cold reality that many couples must face when their idealistic marriage fantasies go wrong. However, the best thing you...

Divorce and Custody: Sources of Information That Can Support Your Case

Electronically stored Information is increasingly a focus in divorce and child custody cases. Discovered evidence can be used to support or refute legal claims including infidelity, income and spousal/child abuse or neglect. However, this evidence must be handled correctly or you risk having it rejected...

Causes of Divorce Cases in Malaysia and How to Avoid Them Increasing

There are a lot of divorce cases happened in Malaysia. According to Malay Mail. (2014, March 3). The divorce cases have dramatically increased in only eight years from 2004. In 2012, 56,760 separations were recorded, which is equivalent to a marriage separate every 10 minutes....

Parents' Divorce & Its Impact On Children

Divorce is portrayed as the authentic end of a marriage, anyway in its bona fide sense there is fundamentally more to it than essentially the complete of a relationship. Nowadays various social associations end in divorce, and shockingly the lion's share of them end at...

  • Parent-Child Relationship

Some Hardships In Human Relations

For a great deal of untouchables who don't know there is a tremendous measure of reason that causes this tormented condition. Infer a 2006 review by DivorceMagazine.com that asked scrutinizes what had caused their parcel or separation, I found that unfaithfulness or extramarital issue is...

  • Relationship

Examining Injustice in Alimony Laws on Examples of Divorce Cases in Quebec

In Canada, the first ever official divorce laws were adopted in 1960. Back then, marriage was the norm for couples. However, nowadays, couples tend not to get married and opt for common law unions. Despite this situation, spousal support laws haven’t been changed. This essay...

Best topics on Divorce

1. Cause and Effect of Broken Family: Exploring the Impact on Individuals and Society

2. Growing Up with Divorced Parents: Discussing the Topic of Divorce With Your Children

3. Growing Up With Divorced Parents: The Impact of Divorce on the Children

4. The Effects Of Divorce On Children

5. The Effects Of Divorce On Children In America

6. The Effects Of Divorce On Children And Young Adolescents

7. The Causes Of Divorce That Lead To The Annulment

8. The Causes Of Divorce And The Ruined Marriages

9. The Causes Of Divorce: The Reason Marriage Fails

10. The Causes And Effects Of Divorce

11. Main Reasons For Divorce In The United States And How It Impacts Family

12. My Personal Opinion On Why Divorce Shouldn’t Be Legalized

13. Common Social Problems Encountered In Family Life And How They Affect The Marriage

14. Divorce Rates In Kenya And Means To Reduce Them

15. Divorce Process And Finances In Hennepin County

  • Career Goals
  • Perseverance
  • Personality
  • Actions Speak Louder Than Words
  • Online Dating

Need writing help?

You can always rely on us no matter what type of paper you need

*No hidden charges

100% Unique Essays

Absolutely Confidential

Money Back Guarantee

By clicking “Send Essay”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement. We will occasionally send you account related emails

You can also get a UNIQUE essay on this or any other topic

Thank you! We’ll contact you as soon as possible.

In My Marriage Money Was a Trap. After My Divorce It Was My Freedom

personal essay about divorce

F our months after my divorce, I went to a party in New York City where a wine-drunk woman grilled me about my split. How did I manage? Did I get the house?

 This line of questioning was not unfamiliar. In the aftermath of my divorce, a lot of women asked me how I’d done it, and at this party, flushed from wine myself, I told her honestly that I was broke. But, I added, I was happy. She looked at me skeptically and said, “Money is important.” I’d think of her two years later when I finally dug myself out of divorce debt.

When I married my husband at 22, I barely knew how to balance a checkbook (we still did that then), and I had no idea what a 401(k) was. Before we got married, when my father-in-law wanted to talk to us about money, I was a compliant pupil. He’d mapped out my husband’s annual salary for his new job as an engineer in Excel, walking us through how much we could spend. It was immediately clear to me that the two of them had already worked on this together. In the box marked “rent” was the correct figure for the apartment my husband was living in, the one I’d move into after the wedding. The spreadsheet also factored in payments for my college loans.

Read More: I Got Divorce. But My Family Is Still Whole

The power dynamic was clear – I had nothing; I knew nothing. And I would adhere to the rules of the budget because I was the one bringing in debt and no assets. The concepts my husband’s father talked us through were a blur: high-yield savings account, 401(k) matching, Roth IRAs. But other things came into sharp focus. He said my debt would have to be paid down immediately. Debt was shameful; you could tell by the way my husband and his father looked at each other. We’d use every penny of my job (and I was still unemployed) to pay it down and live entirely off my husband’s income until it was gone.

Here was how we were going to do that:

$10 a month for haircuts

$200 a month for groceries

$10 for personal items.

"How does that even work?" I said, too embarrassed to tell them tampons would cost more than $10 a month.

"Even cheap shampoo costs $5, and..." I was also thinking about makeup. Even the cheap stuff, which was all I had, could set you back $50, and I needed that if I was going to find a job to pay off my loans.

"The $10 a month accumulates," my husband explained like I was a toddler. "So, in five months, when you need to restock, you’ll have $50." Five months to make a bottle of Suave 2-in-1 last. This was the start of a pattern that would continue throughout our marriage: even when I made money, I didn’t have control of how it was spent.

Marriage has always been about money. The first marriages were alliances between families to strengthen economic ties. A woman exchanged for gifts to ally the two families, to ensure the continuity of inheritance and of course purity of blood. As Western culture evolved, marriage, still a contract, became about mutual understanding and affection. But laws governing the economic freedom of women were slow to catch up. Women couldn’t apply for mortgages or open credit cards in their own names until the 1970s.

Read More: Why I Stayed in a Marriage That Was Making Me Miserable

There is an enduring narrative that marriage is about love. That the guiding light of our unions is the sweep-me-off-my-feet romance depicted in movies. And we convince ourselves that what underpins our unions isn’t economic. But the reality is different than the fairy tales. People rarely date or marry outside their socioeconomic status, which reinforces privilege and class boundaries. Wealth inequality between married partners overwhelmingly favors the husband in a heterosexual relationship, which can leave the wife with little financial freedom and stuck in a relationship that can be uncomfortable or even dangerous. And while more and more women are out-earning their husbands, they are still in the minority . Women in the U.S. still earn only 82 cents to the male dollar , and mothers earn 74 cents on average to a father’s dollar. Even if a woman comes into a marriage earning the same as her husband, that equality drops o ff as women age. And while wives still manage the day-to-day expenses of grocery shopping, it’s men who retain the majority of financial control.

A 2021 YouGov poll found that 35% of women are completely or somewhat financially dependent on their partner, compared to 11% of men. And a Glamour survey found that one in three women have stayed in a relationship because they didn’t have the money to leave . A culture that underpays women is a culture that forces them into economic codependence and traps them when they want out. But no one wants to think about that when they are walking into a relationship – love is supposed to be bigger than all of that.

Read More: You're Fighting With Your Partner All Wrong

I knew money would be tight when I left. I didn’t have access to our joint account and had to set up a secret account to save money for a lawyer. I wrote marketing copy for extra money and would deposit the checks there. Despite this, I was poor during the divorce. Friends loaned me money for groceries. I ghost-wrote op-eds and wrote even more marketing copy. My parents bought my kids their Christmas gifts. Even then, my life mostly ran on nearly maxed-out credit cards.

Still, a few months after I moved out, I went to buy new mascara and realized how free I felt. If I wanted the $30 mascara, there would be no disapproval. No argument. No silent treatment until I relented and admitted I’d screwed up. It felt like a small thing, just mascara, but it was everything. While most women who divorce find themselves financially struggling, the majority don’t regret their decision. According to one study, 73% of divorced women are happier than they were when they were married, even if they were poorer.

A recent spate of books and articles argue for marriage as a solution for our financial woes, as women outside the heterosexual family structure do not do as well economically as those who are married, but what is often excluded from that conversation is the unpaid labor that allows a man to work all day. If marriage is a means of keeping and preserving wealth, it’s at least in part because often one partner performs the functions of cook, house cleaner, chauffeur, shopper, all without compensation. Even women who outearn their husbands still perform this unpaid labor at higher rates than male partners.

When my friend was divorcing his stay-at-home wife, his lawyer told him he should have paid her a salary. Paying her would have been a way to value her work and give her an income. And it would have amounted to less in alimony. When my friend told me this, I was stunned. Imagine: Paying a woman for her work would have benefited everyone in the end. It was certainly a far cry from my husband’s request during our divorce that I compensate him $10,000 for his contributions to my brain. I laughed and the joke became a punchline I employed in my group chats and on my lady dates. Until once, my friend Serena said, “You should have replied, ‘I wonder what my other body parts cost? My virginity?’ You should have charged him for damage to your uterus for having children.” I was sitting in her kitchen, watching her cook, and hearing her say a thing that cut me to my core because it was true. Is that all I was? Just a calculation?

Three years after my divorce, I sat down with a financial consultant named Stephanie, because I refused to talk to men about money. I was terrified, remembering the shame that the budget talks with my husband had given me.

I’d been recently fired from my job at a newspaper, the one I’d taken to level out my finances, and I knew my income would be inconsistent. I wanted a plan. I wanted to be able to feed my kids, but also still afford more than $10 a month for toiletries. I sat for two hours, explaining my business, my haphazard income and spending habits, feeling sick and a little ashamed. But eventually Stephanie began to smile.

"This is so exciting," she said. "You are making twice as much as you did three years ago, and next year, you’ll be making four times as much! You got this!" She was impressed by the fact I’d sold and written an original audiobook, while also freelancing, working full-time for the newspaper, and taking care of two kids. It was a lot of work that I was suddenly able to do because with 50/50 custody after the divorce, I was no longer the primary caretaker of our children. And without a spouse, I was no longer performing the unpaid mental and emotional labor I’d been doing for years. Free from the mental load, I had a lot of time to earn money and it was beginning to pay off.

“Girl, you know how to work hard,” she said. She was the kind of blonde woman who called you “girlfriend” and said “you go, girl” unironically. The kind of woman I just loved with my whole heart because I knew she meant every word of it. She told me I had this. And I did.

When we were done, I was relieved and angry. Angry that for so long money had been a cudgel used against me. Angry that I’d been told everything I was doing was wrong. Angry that I’d looked to someone else for my stability, to provide for me, when I could have done it for myself all along. And I was angry that I was made to believe my labor wasn’t enough—when the reality was it just wasn’t valued.

In my relationship, money had been a trap, but when I had the support and the equality I needed, I finally could earn enough that money became my freedom.

More Must-Reads From TIME

  • Meet the 2024 Women of the Year
  • Greta Gerwig's Next Big Swing 
  • East Palestine, One Year After Train Derailment
  • In the Belly of MrBeast
  • The Closers: 18 People Working to End the Racial Wealth Gap
  • How Long Should You Isolate With COVID-19?
  • The Best Romantic Comedies to Watch on Netflix
  • Want Weekly Recs on What to Watch, Read, and More? Sign Up for Worth Your Time

Contact us at [email protected]

You May Also Like

  • The Story of Sweatpants & Coffee
  • Terms Of Service
  • Comment Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Subscribe to S&C
  • The Shop at Sweatpants & Coffee
  • Write For Sweatpants & Coffee

Personal Essays | 5 Things I Learned the Year I Got Divorced

'  data-srcset=

I started dating my ex-husband the year I turned 21. We got a divorce the year I turned 31. A decade is a long time to spend by someone’s side. My ex and I were best friends. We shared a home, traveled and became adults together. He was there for me through my college graduation, my time as a high school theater teacher, and even moved with me to New York City so that I could pursue my dream of becoming an actor. We had a million inside jokes and laughed all the time. We were happy for a long time…until we weren’t. It’s been a little over a year since we separated and although it’s been difficult, I’m grateful for all that I’ve learned.

1. There Is No Set Path

When my husband and I first separated, I became a Google queen. I searched for articles about divorce, grief and being newly single again. I wanted to handle my divorce in the healthiest way possible. I was looking for a step-by-step guide to show me how to cope, but all I could find were articles for single moms and older divorcees. Hello?! What about the 30-year-old childless New Yorker with two cats who is single for the first time since college? What is it like for this fabulous lady?!

It took time to uncover what this experience would be like for me and I had to go down some wrong paths to find the right one. For example, I thought it was a fantastic idea to go out partying on New Year’s Eve, days after my husband and I split, only to find myself sobbing on the G train as the clock struck midnight. Through missteps like this, I learned what was and was not constructive for me. Trial and error helped me find my way and inspired me to share my journey with other young-ish divorcees.

2. Healing Takes Time

“Healing from Divorce” was my objective for 2016. I went to therapy. I did yoga (so much yoga). I made a vision board and journaled. I tried meditation, used lavender oil and drank a shit-ton of chamomile tea. I even made a “New Beginnings” playlist on Spotify and listened to it on repeat.

Despite everything I tried, I found that the whole healing process was taking longer than I would have liked. One day, I’d feel like my old happy self again and the next I’d feel heartbroken. It was a bumpy road, and I had to learn to embrace the bumps. I discovered that pushing away the negative emotions didn’t help, it actually made things worse. So when I had a rough day, I learned to deal with it. When I felt down, I would sit in the park across from my apartment, listen to music and cry my eyes out. Once I was able to let the waves of sadness wash over me, only then could they wash back out again. Most importantly, I learned how to be patient with myself. Grieving the end of a marriage is no quick fix.

personal essay about divorce

3. Dating is Empowering (and So is Solitude)

I dated! I met my ex when I was only 20, so I never had the chance to date as an adult. I was intrigued! I looked at the venture like another goal: “Learn to Date in New York City.”

Dating apps were foreign and exciting to me! I first joined Happn, then Bumble, then Tinder. I was nervous about the entire process. I expected lots of terrible first dates, but even the thought of going on bad dates interested me. Instead, I met a sea of kind, funny and interesting men! As I created unique connections with different people, I was given a new understanding of myself. I learned how I interact, react and recover in romantic relationships. I gained a sense of self-confidence and vibrancy that I hadn’t had in years!

It wasn’t all roses. I experienced the anguish of texting (ugh) and the confusion from being ghosted by a seemingly great guy. I endured a string of chemistry-lacking first dates and, as it turns out, bad dates aren’t so intriguing after all. Finally, I dated someone for several months who I knew wasn’t right for me and, despite my best efforts, fell for him hard, only to have my heart completely broken all over again.

It can be really exciting and empowering to date, but you know what? It’s also healing to be alone. After all the ups and downs that came with casual relationships, I decided it was time to focus on myself and creating my future. I started to work on my finances and career. I enjoyed that my weekend plans and Netflix account were entirely up to me. Now, I don’t have to share my Queen-size bed with anyone (other than my cats!) I found that the best way to figure out what I truly wanted out of my new life was to be on my own.

4. It’s Okay to Be a Friend in Need

As an extrovert, I thrive on being with people and talking—a lot. I felt immensely better when I could vent, cry and laugh about my situation with friends. This experience showed me that I’m lucky to have many compassionate and understanding friends who were eager to listen and provide support. My friends took such good care of me during this year. From impromptu coffee dates, to yoga classes, to a surprise Galentine’s Day party, they constantly lifted my spirits.

But sometimes, I felt guilty for relying so much on others to help me process my divorce. I didn’t want to be a “needy” friend. This guilt wasn’t because of anything my friends said or did, it was my own insecurity. When I brought this up in therapy, my therapist asked if I would be there for a friend if the roles were reversed. Without hesitation, I responded “Of course!” My therapist reminded me that these are the times when we most need our friends and that it was okay to let myself lean on them. When I let my feelings of guilt subside, I accepted the love and support of my friends as an important part of my healing journey.

personal essay about divorce

5. Embracing a New Future

Towards the end of the year, my cat, Lion-o, had to be hospitalized for a life-threatening condition. After wrestling for hours to get my frightened cat into his carrier, I found myself alone at 2am at the Emergency Vet Hospital. While sitting in the waiting room and wondering if my cat would be ok, all of a sudden, everything that had been building up inside me all year hit me. I am on my own. For the past decade, I had a supportive partner by my side in situations like this…and now I don’t.

Thankfully, my cat ended up being fine, but the ordeal was a stark reminder that my life is different now. I no longer have a husband/partner to count on. But getting through this taught me that I am stronger than I thought.

In healing from divorce, I learned to let go of the plans I’d had and embrace a new future for myself. I don’t know what’s yet to come, but I know that whatever it is, I can handle it.

I never imagined I’d be 31 and divorced with two cats. But I am. And I kind of love it.

personal essay about divorce

Sign up to receive exclusive offers, fun content, and updates from Nanea!

Your confirmation email will arrive shortly after you sign up. Don't forget to check your spam or junk folder!

We keep your data private and share your data only with third parties that make this service possible. Read our full Privacy Policy here .

You are subscribed!

Facebook Comments

'  data-srcset=

Guest Author

You might also like.

Image

The Bossy Hawaiian Moon, Grief, and Hope

Image

Seen and Yet Invisible: My Thoughts on the Black Narrative

Image

Things Every Household Should Have | Personal Essay

Leave a reply cancel.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

 Yes, add me to your mailing list

Ann Gold Buscho Ph.D.

An Honest Look at the Pros and Cons of Divorce

Consider these topics and how to minimize the negative effects of divorce..

Posted September 27, 2023 | Reviewed by Davia Sills

  • The Challenges of Divorce
  • Find a therapist to heal from a divorce
  • Divorce can cause positive and negative outcomes for both the parents and children involved.
  • Among the pros are greater freedom, room for growth, and an improved environment for children.
  • However, stress and financial challenges can complicate outcomes for the family.

Are you considering divorce? Or has your spouse decided to end the marriage ? Divorce is a complicated and emotional process that can have both positive and negative consequences. Some outcomes are positive for some people but affect others negatively.

Here are some of the pros and cons of divorce.

These are generally considered the pros of divorce:

Freedom and Independence

Pros: Divorce can provide individuals with the freedom and independence to make their own choices and live life on their terms. Don (not his real name) felt that he was in a constant power struggle with his wife. He wanted control over his own life, his environment, and his decisions.

Cons: Some may find this newfound independence overwhelming or lonely , especially if they are accustomed to a long-term partnership. Stuart had grown accustomed to a social life managed by his wife. After the divorce, he withdrew from friendships and struggled with depression .

Escape From Unhealthy Relationships

Pros: Divorce can provide an escape from abusive or toxic relationships, which can lead to improved mental and physical health. Ingrid had lived with an angry husband who frequently berated her in front of other people. She felt she always walked on eggshells to avoid triggering him. After her divorce, she felt liberated and relieved of the chronic stress, and her migraines stopped.

Cons: The divorce process can be emotionally challenging, and most people experience intense emotions during a divorce, such as sadness, anger , guilt , and anxiety . However, these emotions usually subside as you adjust to your new life.

Opportunity for Personal Growth

Pros: Some people view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery, leading to a stronger sense of self and increased self-esteem . Tina told me that she felt she had finally found herself after her divorce. She had spent 20 years trying to be the wife her husband wanted. Now, she felt she could come into her own.

Cons: The emotional toll of divorce can hinder personal growth, at least in the short term. In the early stages of divorce, most people are overwhelmed and operating in “crisis mode.” It may be very hard to imagine what your future will look like. Nevertheless, you can focus on building a life that you will find fulfilling. Be patient; it may take one to two years to fully recover from the divorce.

Improved Financial Situation

Pros: Depending on the circumstances, divorce can lead to improved financial stability and the ability to make independent financial decisions. Clara and her husband argued about money all the time. He felt she bought too many clothes, and she accused him of buying expensive electronics. They could not agree on a budget, so they spent beyond their means every month, unable to save for retirement . Both felt that if they divorced , they could become financially independent and stable.

Cons: Divorce can also result in financial hardships, especially if there are disputes over assets, child support, or alimony. Many people have to reduce their lifestyles when they divorce. The same income now has to support two homes. There may be legal expenses, additional therapy costs, or alimony. Downsizing is frequently the best solution, at least for a few years.

Better Environment for Children

Pros: In cases of high-conflict or abusive marriages, divorce may provide a safer and more stable environment for children. Lee and Ellis argued frequently in front of their children. At times, they yelled at each other and shoved each other around, stopping only when their children begged them to or cried. Children in two stable, calm homes feel safer and more secure.

personal essay about divorce

Cons: Children may still experience emotional turmoil and adjustment issues during and after a divorce. Children will also experience the loss of the family unit and may have symptoms due to the trauma of witnessing their parents in conflict. It is normal for children to need 1-2 years to adjust to the new family structure.

These are usually considered the cons of divorce:

Emotional and Psychological Stress

Divorce is almost always emotionally and psychologically taxing, leading to stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Some individuals may struggle with these challenges for an extended period, impacting their overall well-being. Some seem to get stuck in their anger or grief after the divorce and can't “move on.” Working with a therapist can help you work through the emotions so that you can rebuild your new life.

Financial Challenges

While some experience improved financial situations, others may face significant financial challenges, including legal fees, dividing assets, and maintaining separate households. The financial burden of divorce can be long-lasting, affecting both spouses and their children. Supporting two homes may be stressful , and your children may be aware that money is tight.

If possible, protect them from the stress or worry that they might pick up from you. Megan, a child I worked with, told me, “There won’t be Christmas presents this year because Mom took all our money.” Megan felt insecure and angry at her mother.

Impact on Children

One of the most common worries parents express is how the divorce will “damage our children.” Divorce can create a more stable and peaceful home environment in some cases, which may be better for children’s well-being. Children often face emotional and psychological challenges during and after divorce, and it can strain parent-child relationships when they are drawn into loyalty binds or assume the roles of ally, messenger, spy, or confidante.

Social Stigma

In some cases, divorce may free individuals from a marriage that wasn’t socially or culturally accepted. Divorce can still carry a social stigma in some communities and cultures, leading to judgment and isolation. While the stigma of divorce has decreased over the past decades, many people still carry an internalized stigma. James said that the voice in his head kept saying, “You’re a failure, you’re a loser, you’ll never be happy, etc.” Remind yourself that it is the marriage that failed, not necessarily that you failed. It helps to understand your contribution to the failure of the marriage so that you can avoid those mistakes in the future.

Legal Process Complexity and Stress

The legal system can provide structure and protection during divorce proceedings. The law is there to protect you if necessary. Navigating the legal system can be time-consuming, expensive, and emotionally draining. However, if you choose an alternate dispute resolution process that keeps you out of court, the divorce will be less stressful. Consider mediation or a collaborative divorce instead.

Whether you are contemplating divorce or your spouse has already made the decision, these topics are worth discussing, perhaps with the help of a therapist. Some of these points may not be relevant to your circumstances, but seek guidance and support if you do decide to divorce. With the help of an experienced divorce coach or therapist, you may be able to reduce some of the negative outcomes.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2023

Ann Gold Buscho Ph.D.

Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. , is the author of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.

  • Find a Therapist
  • Find a Treatment Center
  • Find a Psychiatrist
  • Find a Support Group
  • Find Teletherapy
  • United States
  • Brooklyn, NY
  • Chicago, IL
  • Houston, TX
  • Los Angeles, CA
  • New York, NY
  • Portland, OR
  • San Diego, CA
  • San Francisco, CA
  • Seattle, WA
  • Washington, DC
  • Asperger's
  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Chronic Pain
  • Eating Disorders
  • Passive Aggression
  • Personality
  • Goal Setting
  • Positive Psychology
  • Stopping Smoking
  • Low Sexual Desire
  • Relationships
  • Child Development
  • Therapy Center NEW
  • Diagnosis Dictionary
  • Types of Therapy

January 2024 magazine cover

Overcome burnout, your burdens, and that endless to-do list.

  • Coronavirus Disease 2019
  • Affective Forecasting
  • Neuroscience

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Divorce — My Experience of Growing Up with Divorced Parents

test_template

My Experience of Growing Up with Divorced Parents

  • Categories: Divorce Parents

About this sample

close

Words: 407 |

Updated: 8 November, 2023

Words: 407 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Works Cited

  • Amato, P. R., & Kane, J. B. (2011). Life-course pathways and the psychosocial adjustment of children of divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 32(2), 153-171.
  • Emery, R. E. (2019). Two homes, one childhood: A parenting plan to last a lifetime. Penguin.
  • Fabricius, W. V., & Luecken, L. J. (2007). Postdivorce living arrangements, parent conflict, and long-term physical health correlates for children of divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 195-205.
  • Fine, M. A., & Fine, G. A. (2014). Handbook of divorce and relationship dissolution. Routledge.
  • Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. Three Rivers Press.
  • Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.
  • Irwin, R. L., & Ryan, J. M. (2013). Counseling and divorce. Springer Science & Business Media.
  • Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-362.
  • Wallerstein, J. S., Lewis, J. M., & Blakeslee, S. (2000). The unexpected legacy of divorce: The 25 year landmark study. Hachette UK.
  • Walsh, F. (2016). Normal family processes: Growing diversity and complexity. Guilford Publications.

Video Version

Video Thumbnail

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

  • 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
  • Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

author

Prof Ernest (PhD)

Verified writer

  • Expert in: Life

writer

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

5 pages / 2229 words

2.5 pages / 1213 words

2.5 pages / 1077 words

2 pages / 987 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

My Experience of Growing Up with Divorced Parents Essay

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Divorce

Financial problems cause divorce—this is a statement that captures the intricate connection between financial stress and the breakdown of marital relationships. Marriage is a union built on shared dreams, responsibilities, and [...]

What is infidelity? This is having an affair outside marriage. Most people call it cheating or better still adultery. Cases of cheating are rampant nowadays. There are so many cases of spouses killing each other simply because [...]

The purpose of this essay is to elaborate on the major causes of divorce, psychological effects and how to cope with it. An increase in amount of U.S. couples divorcing is growing. Statistics stated in the essay is proof. The [...]

Divorce is a serious issue that most married couples are facing today or in other words it is the outcome that we are seeing couples that are married go through due to several reasons. Therefore, This paper will be elaborating [...]

A child's life can be destroyed just because of certain decisions that parents take. When I was 12 years old, I used to spend a lot of time with my best friend, Daniel. Daniel was always happy and enjoyed very moment of his [...]

Divorce is a common topic in today’s society. Many tend to have big expectation that marriage is supposed to be all glitz and glam but tends to forget the time, effort and willingness it takes to make a marriage work. In the [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

  • Instructions Followed To The Letter
  • Deadlines Met At Every Stage
  • Unique And Plagiarism Free

personal essay about divorce

Personal Narrative Essay : The Divorce Of My Parents

When I was younger, growing up was not always the easiest thing. From a young age, I was faced with the difficulty of having divorced parents. Most of my friends did not have to go through this struggle, so it was hard to explain why I could not always hang out with them every weekend. “I can’t, I’m at my mom’s this weekend”, became a phrase I used quite often. However, when I was small, I thought it was kind of cool in a way because I got two birthdays, two Christmases, and two vacations. Eventually, both of my parents remarried. My father remarried my stepmother who also had two children who were both older than I was, but younger than my brother. My mother remarried and then had two more children with him. 

I felt as a kid, I missed out on some opportunities that other kids my age got to experience. Also growing up it was not always easy watching your two parents not get along. As I got older, it was very difficult to be able to do everything that I wanted to because it would mess up our schedule that we had, which made my mother kind of upset. When my younger siblings were born, things started going downhill. We had to watch our younger siblings all of the time, and it was our responsibility to keep them entertained. My sister and I are about five years apart, and my younger brother and I are about six years apart. So keeping them entertained was kind of difficult since we were all children.

I thought growing up that the one “hard” thing I would have to deal with was my parents divorce, however that was wrong. My mother got divorced for the second time. This came as a shock to me. At this point, I hardly ever saw my younger siblings. Between me starting competitive gymnastics, school, and their different schedules it could go months without seeing them which was very hard for me as a kid. I noticed right after the divorce my mother did not seem like herself, but at the age of nine, I had figured it was just the stress from the divorce. As time went on, the things that were happening continued. For example, she would cancel a weekend here and there or she would have friends over the whole weekend barely making time for us. However after one weekend, we quickly realized what it was.

It was Halloween in 2015 and it was my mother’s weekend. I was ten, my oldest brother was fifteen, my younger sister was six, and my youngest brother was five. My father told us to go downtown to the Trunk or Treat in town, so we could see friends and still go trick or treating. We were downtown for about twenty minutes before we left, and did not get to see my father who was expecting to see us dressed up. Earlier in the day, my mother and I were planning my eleventh birthday party since it was in two weeks. However, the topic changed quickly when we were talking about our plans for the rest of the night. My mother talked in a very serious tone about what we were doing. She made very strict rules of what we could do. At the time I did not realize what was going on until later. My mother had taken my siblings and I to an “adult” party. 

The day after everything had happened I was still very confused. When my mother was taking me and my brother back to our fathers, she had specifically told us not to tell him what had happened, and to say after we went downtown we went back home. As we got in the car with our father, he already knew what had happened. Still as a young child I did not understand anything that was truthfully happening. My brother had explained to me that our mother had some deeper lying issues that turned her to drugs and alcohol. Even at the age of ten I knew those things were bad, and they could have seriously harmed me or my siblings. My father was furious with my mother, as he had every right to be because she had potentially endangered me and my siblings lives by being there at a young age. My father was granted full custody of my brother and I, after it was taken to court.

As a child having to experience things like this made it very difficult to talk to my friends at some points. Every once and a while I would leave school early to have to talk to someone, but when my friends asked I simply said that I had some kind of appointment. It was very hard for me to be able to come to terms with the fact that my mother would not be a part of my life. I struggled with this for a while, and I kind of started shutting people out because I did not know how to express my feelings, and I did not know how to feel. I was angry, upset, hurt, and so many more feelings that confused me at a young age. I had also convinced myself that somehow it was my fault, and that I had done something wrong for things to end up the way that they had.

Six years later, I have come to terms with this. I have understood that there was nothing I did or could have done to cause this. Sure, every once in a while I will get upset over it but it will happen. I have also realized that I have an amazing support system, and that I can talk to anyone whenever I need to. I have an amazing family that has helped every step of the way, my friends have always been there for me whenever I needed them, my boyfriend who has become a big part of my life who I can call any hour of the day if I needed him. I know many people are not blessed with having such a great support system, but I am very fortunate to have one, and for that I am forever grateful.

Related Samples

  • Case Manager Interview Example
  • The Importance Of Critical Thinking: An Essay Sample
  • Essay Sample on  My Dad Is My Hero
  • What Merryhill Means To Me Essay Example
  • Reflection Essay Sample about Compassion
  • Malcolm X Is a Hero Essay Example
  • Reflective Essay about Failure
  • Narrative Essay Example: When We Got a Dog
  • Essay on My Hobby and Personal Goals
  • Nurture Your Own Garden Essay Example

Didn't find the perfect sample?

personal essay about divorce

You can order a custom paper by our expert writers

Personal Narrative: My Experience With Divorced Parents Essay

When I was five years old, my parents got divorced. Through the separation process, and some years after, my parents fought a lot. They sometimes brought my 2 sisters and I into it, which was really frustrating. Growing up with parents who are divorced has been a struggle for me throughout my life. It’s hard to put into words my experience and ongoing trials I go through with divorced parents.

My parents met when my mom was in her early twenties and my dad was thirty. They got married a couple years following the time they started dating. Shortly after getting married, they had my older sister Maddy, then me, and after that they had my younger sister Cassie. I can clearly remember us being a happy family. I had the best parents who worked as a team. We did a lot of stuff together as a family, gardening, playing outside, and staying active. We lived in a big house off of 85th in Green Lake, Seattle.

I remember being young when the fighting started, yelling and screaming. It scared my sisters and me a lot. No one wants to witness their parents fighting as a kid. When I was five, Maddy seven, and Cassie three, our parents got divorced. Once the process was finished, my mom got custody of us and took us to live in a house with her. My dad stayed at our house in Ballard and we moved into a house with my mom and her new boyfriend, which is also whose baby she was carrying.

Over the next few years, we had been back and forth between both parents. I remember I sometimes hated leaving my mom and dad. I wished I could be with both of them at the same time. Me and my sisters lived in a new house in Everett, with our then new Step dad, Mom, and baby sister Meghan. Whenever we went over to my dads, there was always something my parents were fighting about, whether it involved us or not, we would always get an earful from both of them.

This point of their separation really affected me the most. I didn’t realize until I got older that we should have never been exposed to that part of their lives, considering how young we were. Another part of their divorce was dealing with a step dad I’ve never been fond of, and neither were my sisters. It was somewhat of a culture shock, him growing up in Mexico, and for us, as we began living with a guy who wasn’t even our dad. I would always ask my mom why she couldn’t have married someone else.

Someone we liked. My step dad was the type of guy who only cared about his “real” children, not us. It became a constant struggle for attention from my Mom. When we were young, my sister and I were treated like maids around the house when my step dad was around. He is honestly one of the main reasons why the divorce was so heartbreaking for me and my siblings. I feel as if my mom had married someone who supported her and loved her unconditionally; it would have made more of a positive impact during this hard time in our life.

Later on, around fourteen or fifteen years of age, I saw my dad slip away from me. I saw him less and less every month. This crushed me; I didn’t understand it at all. Once I got to high school, I never saw my dad. I would try to think of the last time I had seen him and I couldn’t even remember when it was. My dad had lost both of his parents in the last year and I always had this feeling he had never moved on from the divorce. My dad has always been stubborn and I think he has always held onto that part of his life.

How could you not? I remember my dad had told me when I was in middle school, that he had been an alcoholic. He said he drank a lot when he was young but stopped once he had kids. Shortly after realizing how little I saw my dad, I started getting phone calls and texts from family members, saying they had smelled alcohol on his breath. When I heard this, I was crushed. I didn’t believe them; I was so mad at them for telling me that. I thought to myself how my dad could choose alcohol over his daughters. I think somehow over the next years of high school I just pretended he doesn’t exist.

I did this because as a young teen, I should not have had to constantly worry about my dad. After a couple of years knowing about his drinking, my sisters and I found out he got a DUI. I hated him; I was shocked and didn’t understand why he would go down this road and do this to himself. We finally had to confront him about his drinking. Me and my sisters told him we wouldn’t be seeing him if he continued going down the wrong path. He has been sober ever since then. His actions are inexcusable but I believe they were the repercussions of divorce. This shows just how serious divorce is and what problems it causes in people’s lives.

Today, I still go through phases where I think about what life would be like if they never got separated. I constantly compare my family to others with married parents. Dealing with divorce hasn’t been easy to deal with, but it’s normal for me now, something you get used to. Which sounds crazy, but it is the way I have to think to be happy. Divorce has been challenging for me and I don’t think it will ever get easier. To be able to move on my life, I just have to think more positively about the situation.

More Essays

  • Personal Narrative: My Experience With Learning Disabilities Essay
  • Essay on Personal Narrative: My High School Career
  • Personal Narrative: Homophobia Essay
  • Personal Narrative: Growing Up For Me Essay
  • Personal Narrative: How My Grandma Changed My Life Essay
  • Essay on Personal Narrative: A Day At Sunset Beach
  • Personal Narrative: I Just Really Innocent Essay
  • Personal Narrative: My Life In Vietnam Essay
  • Personal Narrative: Stoned My Life Essay
  • Personal Narrative: My Associate In Early Childhood Essay

Featured Topics

Featured series.

A series of random questions answered by Harvard experts.

Explore the Gazette

Read the latest.

personal essay about divorce

Hitting it right

Professor Stephanie Burt standing in front of a classroom full of students.

Taylor Swift, the Wordsworth of our time?

personal essay about divorce

Many splendored? Sometimes, but it’s always intriguing

Leslie Jamison.

Photo by Grace Ann Leadbeater

Can you embrace deep joy amid deep loss?

Leslie Jamison traces how first-time motherhood, crumbling of marriage left her with new, different life

Samantha Laine Perfas

Harvard Staff Writer

Leslie Jamison’s work has been compared to that of Joan Didion and Susan Sontag and, like those writers, she is no stranger to grinding loss, deep thinking, and luminous prose. In her latest book, “Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story,” the essayist and memoirist writes about the birth of her daughter, the end of her marriage, and the question: Is it possible to embrace joy amid heartbreak?

Jamison ’04, who has an M.F.A. from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and a Ph.D. from Yale, is an associate professor of writing at Columbia and will be coming to The Brattle Theater to talk about “Splinters” on Feb. 21. She will be joined in conversation by novelist Claire Messud, the Joseph Y. Bae and Janice Lee Senior Lecturer on Fiction. She recently spoke with the Gazette about her writing. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Was there a specific inspiration for writing this book?

I wanted to write about simultaneity. I felt humbled and awestruck by the way this particular area of my life had held such intense joy and such intense sorrow at the same time. It was almost impossible to disentangle them. I wanted to use the experiences I had gone through — marriage, divorce, early motherhood — to write an account that could resonate with anyone, no matter what experiences they shared.

You often take on very tough, personal topics in your writing — “The Recovering” (2018), for instance, deals with your own battle with sobriety. Did “Splinters” feel different than your previous books?

Yes and no. I think all of my writing has been obsessed with thresholds of transformation. My essay collection, “The Empathy Exams,” is really interested in pain as a site of transformation: How are we transformed by our own experiences of pain? How are we transformed by encounters with other people’s pain?

My book “The Recovering” is really interested in sobriety and recovery as thresholds of transformations: How does a person’s relationship to the world change when she pivots from addiction to recovery?

And then “Splinters” is really interested in reckoning with two different thresholds of transformation: divorce and motherhood.

But I think what feels different about this book is both the nature of what I’m writing about and the form it took. I was writing about motherhood for the first time, as well as my own life having left its script behind it, at least the script that I had imagined for it.

Cover of book Splinters.

I’ve mainly worked in the form of hybrid essay, pieces of writing that weave together personal narrative, cultural criticism, history, literary journalism, and literary criticism. With this book, I stayed in a very distilled, visceral, proximate account of one particular experience.

Tell us more about the title of the book, “Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story.”

It refers both to the emotional content of the book and the way it’s written. It’s a reckoning with certain experiences that get under the skin and stay there, often in a painful way that feels like they become part of you. And the book is also built of these, short, whittled shards of prose that that bring you very powerfully into a moment of experience and then take you out of it.

My hope for it was that it would be a book that you would sit down with and not put it down until you were done. I know that’s not always going to happen, but a lot of people have described having that “stayed up until 3 in the morning” feeling with it.

You used the word “visceral.” There’s a moment in the book when your daughter is only a couple of weeks old, and she won’t stop crying. You wrote: “The harder I banged my head against the wall, the steadier I tried to keep her — cradled by a pair of loving arms attached to a woman losing her mind.” It’s a very honest portrayal of motherhood not often seen.

Sometimes it’s hard to see representations of difficulty or complexity because they resonate. They hold a mirror to certain parts of experience that are uncomfortable or hard to think about.

But I think that beneath that discomfort, there’s a great consolation in seeing experiences that are telling the truth about what’s difficult and what’s complex, especially when it comes to motherhood. There’s nothing more lonely-making than accounts of motherhood that don’t make room for what feels difficult about it.

“There is no artistic god that I worship more fully than the god of specificity. I always want to write the visceral details, the actual breakfast food on the table, the actual thing somebody said.”

There are multiple points in the book where you mention the profoundness of the experience, but also the difficulty of putting it into words. What helped you articulate your experience?

Part of my writing process is note-taking. I’m often taking notes, either in documents on my computer or as a sporadic but long-term diary keeper.

Whenever I have a moment — even an ordinary afternoon with my daughter — that makes an impression on me for some reason, I try to capture it. I’ll just have moments where my “Spidey-sense” is activated in some way. I don’t totally know what to make of them, but they’re interesting. So I jot those down in some way, shape, or form so they won’t be lost.

There is no artistic god that I worship more fully than the god of specificity. I always want to write the visceral details, the actual breakfast food on the table, the actual thing somebody said. When you’re writing fiction, specificity is always available to you in a certain way because you can make things up. But when you’re writing nonfiction, if you want that specificity to be available to you, you have to take good notes.

In your book, you were very careful with certain details of your life, like those surrounding the end of your marriage. But there were other moments that were incredibly open and direct. How did you decide when to go deep and when to pull back?

Whenever I’m writing from personal experience, I’m always thinking about how the experience can help me investigate certain questions.

With “Splinters,” I was always thinking about the moments that could help me illuminate some tension about mothering — for example, the tension between the ways that mothering feels endlessly profound and endlessly boring. What are particular scenes that could help me get that simultaneity across? Or what does it mean to carry a feeling of love and appreciation for a person, even if the life you were trying to build with them didn’t work out?

That helps me decide what’s going to be there and what’s not, as well as how deep I need to go to get to the emotional gemstone that I need.

And then there are lots of parts of my life that I’m just never going to make public for the sake of my own privacy or another person’s privacy.

With this book, there’s so much of the story of what was lived that isn’t on the page. But my hope was to create an experience for a reader that can feel whole and comprehensive, even if there are, of course, many things that I lived that aren’t on the page.

Every writer has critics. How do you take criticism, when the critique is directed at a literary work that’s based on your personal lived experience?

I take it very personally every time! It’s a great question, and the other day I was telling my students about one of the very first nonfiction workshops I was ever in. I wrote an essay where I confessed some of — what I thought of as — the worst thoughts and feelings I ever had.

I remember somebody in that workshop saying, “I wonder if there’s such a thing as too much honesty; because I really dislike the author of this essay.” And then he paused. And he was like, “I mean, sorry, the narrator.” It was such a perfect moment of encapsulating that tension.

There’s plenty of criticism about nonfiction that is clearly directed at the craft. But there’s also so much criticism that feels like a criticism of your life choices or some element of your humanity: your selfishness or solipsism; the way you treated other people; the way you treated yourself.

I fantasize about being a person who has developed such a thick skin that I don’t care about any of it anymore. But I do care what other people think. I think I’ve reached a place where I’ve accepted that I care and I try to make space for it as an investment in the work and the art. Alongside of that, I also believe that you write the work for the people who love it, not the people who don’t.

How do you feel your personal story connects to something beyond yourself?

One way I think about personal narrative is somewhat akin to the concept of a case study. By examining very closely one individual experience, we’re not necessarily understanding that experience as universal or representative of everyone, but there is a faith that by looking closely at an individual life, you can find things that resonate with other lives.

And I have found in all these years of doing this kind of writing that people find their own veins of resonance. The more specific you are with your own experience, the more — rather than less — likely they are to find parts of themselves in there.

Or alternatively, sometimes when you’re reading about an experience of the world that’s very different from your own, there’s a sense of getting information about another way of being alive.

But I also hope that some of the questions at the core of the book can bridge the gap from my life to other lives: How can happiness carry grief tucked inside of it? What does hope look like in the aftermath of rupture? How can you arrive at a sense of beauty that doesn’t depend on that beauty being pure or untarnished?

My hope is the questions themselves will allow the scope of the book to reach its tendrils into all kinds of lives that I couldn’t have imagined.

You might like

personal essay about divorce

Award-winning artist Yeonsoo Kim demonstrated the craft of making an Onggi pot, a large, hand-built, slab-constructed form used for food fermentation and storage, during a one-day workshop at Harvard Ceramics…

Professor Stephanie Burt standing in front of a classroom full of students.

New English course studies pop star’s lyrics alongside classic literature

personal essay about divorce

Staff, faculty offer Valentine’s tips for books that cover what we talk about when we talk about love

Did fermented foods fuel brain growth?

Study puts fermentation, not fire, as pivot point behind our ancestors’ increasing cranial capacity

So what exactly makes Taylor Swift so great?

Experts weigh in on pop superstar's cultural and financial impact as her tours and albums continue to break records.

Looking to rewind the aging clock

Harvard researchers create model that better measures biological age, distinguishes between harmful and adaptive changes during life

Can I write my personal essay about a divorce that affected me throughout my life?

Highschool sophomore preparing for college,hey Mr/Mrs I was born and raised in Africa and I've been brought up by my father all through my life the question of not having a mother at home has always affected me do you think I should write it for my college essay

Earn karma by helping others:

[Avoiding my personal opinion, but a universal statement]: You can write your personal essay topic on anything!! From as little as an epiphanic moment where you watched leaves fall from an oak and related it you life in someway TO something as complex and serious as losing your home, experiencing the passing of a loved one, or, in your case, a divorce. Most people who don’t have those “life-defining” type moments use the former; meanwhile, those who do have some significant impact on their life they’d like to explain use the latter.

With that being said, it absolutely doesn’t matter what an essay topic is about...but the greater question implanted within the personal essay prompts (and presumably in your admissions readers’ minds) is: “Does this exemplify personal growth? Does it present your personality in a good light? Does it show the ‘adcoms’ something extraordinary or unique about you? And intuitively, can your write?”

These questions are considered to be “essential elements” of your personal statement. As long as you input them into the essay in any poetic, fluent, literary-like way, then any topic can be a good topic. If you were to read some examples of personal essays, you’ll notice that the best are the most “memorable”. Now consider this for a moment—what constitutes something as memorable?—Did you learn something from the essay, is the essay well structured and written personally, does it express emotion and is it “touching”, and lastly does it show growth in a unique way? Any of these would make for a good essay.

For further guidance of where to direct your writing, I suggest the following sources:

Guides and Outlines: ( https://www.princetonreview.com/college-advice/college-essay) , ( https://www.princetonreview.com/college-advice/application-essay-topics) , ( https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/resumes-cover-letters/how-to-write-a-personal-statement)

Examples: ( https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/personal-statement-examples) , ( https://blog.collegevine.com/common-app-essay-examples/)

Errors and Mistakes to avoid: ( https://ingeniusprep.com/blog/worst-personal-statement-topics/) Don’t fall into these traps!!

Bottom-line: as long as the essay is personal, emotional, and shows growth, you can write anything!

Calculate for all schools

Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, community guidelines.

To keep this community safe and supportive:

  • Be kind and respectful!
  • Keep posts relevant to college admissions and high school.
  • Don’t ask “chance-me” questions. Use CollegeVine’s chancing instead!

How karma works

personal essay about divorce

This copy is for your personal, non-commercial use only. To order presentation-ready copies for distribution to your colleagues, clients or customers visit http://www.djreprints.com.

https://www.barrons.com/advisor/articles/divorce-financial-mistakes-to-avoid-advisors-ca047475

  • Advisor Planning Strategies
  • Advisor News

Divorce Can Cost You. Don’t Overlook These 8 Financial Matters.

Divorces can be upsetting and complicated, but the aftermath can be worse if important financial details get overlooked.

Research from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis finds that, on average, people who went through a divorce in the past 12 months earned 12% less, on average, than those who didn’t.

Big-ticket items like paying for college, taxes, and insurance often aren’t factored into divorce decrees, and the financial impact can be devastating. Financial advisors can help prevent these missteps from derailing their clients’ future financial security. 

“Lawyers sometimes look at only the legalities, and they forget about these nuances that can be so important,” says Megan Stirrat, partner and advisor with Revel Private Wealth in Irvine, Calif.

Here are eight ways financial advisors help divorcing clients avoid costly mistakes:

Identify all the income and assets. Financial advisors help divorcing couples understand their income, assets and other factors to ensure they’re entering into a settlement with an understanding of their full financial picture. This is especially important given that a report from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis illustrates that, on average, employed individuals who went through a divorce in the past 12 months earned 12% less, on average, than those who didn’t. This income loss is in addition to the increase in expenses and loss of wealth from dividing up assets that divorcées typically face.

Sometimes divorcing spouses attempt to hide assets, so you need a professional who is trained to find these assets, which can include executive compensation, pensions, and double-counted expenses in an attempt to influence the divorce settlement, says Heather Failla, a financial planner at Providence, R.I.-based Citizens Wealth Management. This analysis can be especially important if one spouse is more financially savvy than the other.

Also, don’t overlook nonobvious assets, says Jennifer West, who is certified as a divorce financial analyst at Kalamazoo, Mich.-based Greenleaf Trust. These can include ownership interest in vacation properties, rewards points on credit cards, contents in safe-deposit boxes, and life insurance policies, she says.

Stress-test the financial split. Each spouse needs a sophisticated financial plan that takes into account factors like inflation, cost-of-living adjustments, taxes, potential future expenses, economic climate, and market environment, says Sharon L. Klein, president of family wealth for Wilmington Trust’s Eastern U.S. region.

Advisors can help divorcing couples analyze the characteristics of assets being divided up to ensure the split is fair and help them sustain their desired lifestyle, Klein says.

Raise tax-planning considerations. It’s critical to consider the potential tax impact of the asset division, which could be significant, Stirrat says. She had a client who incurred significant capital gains while selling stocks from her portfolio to pay her expenses. On paper it looked like a fair divorce settlement, but she ended up with much less than expected as a result of the taxes, Stirrat says.

Another easily overlooked item is who gets to claim children as dependents on future tax returns and receive the tax benefits, Stirrat says. While tensions can be high during divorce negotiations, it’s the right time to address these issues, so as not to reopen wounds afterward, when getting the ex-spouse’s attention can be more difficult.

Broach insurance-related matters. If you’re getting spousal support, think about what would happen if the spouse passed away. A life insurance policy can be a good way to ensure the surviving ex-spouse continues to receive a similar level of support. If an ex-spouse is receiving support of $15,000 a month and that’s no longer available because of the payer’s death, “that’s a lot of money to replace,” says Tricia Mulcare, a financial planner and principal at Homrich Berg in Atlanta. There are many variables when it comes to who should own the policy, make payments, and how it should be structured. Divorcing couples should be sure to consult with qualified professionals when making these decisions, financial advisors say. 

In any case, the divorce agreement should require that both parties receive premium notices and confirmation of payment notification. “Someone should be monitoring that the premiums are being paid so the policy stays in force,” Klein says.

If alimony is involved, divorcing spouses should also consider purchasing disability insurance for the breadwinner to protect the spouse receiving payments and child support. People are more likely to become disabled than pass away, Failla says. She also recommends that couples over age 50 consider long-term care insurance when ironing out the details of their divorce. 

Health insurance should also be factored in. Coverage may no longer be available for one spouse after a divorce, and purchasing a policy is an added expense. People routinely forget about this until after the settlement is final and they realize they have to pay $1,000 in premiums that they didn’t budget for, Stirrat says.

Dive into workplace retirement plans. A qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) is a legal document, drafted by a specialist, that defines how employer-provided retirement plan assets are divided due to a divorce. You can complete a divorce decree before having this document, but that creates further headaches because it means reopening talks with an ex-spouse and could lead to extra costs to be hashed out and potential delays in receiving the money, Stirrat says.

Newsletter Sign-up

Barron's advisor: women's edition.

A monthly collection of news, practice management insights, and investing ideas, all with a focus on women in the wealth and asset management industries.

Bring up education planning. For divorcing couples with young children, college might seem far away, but planning ahead of time can reduce or eliminate future fights over college-related expenditures. 

Mulcare has a client who divorced when his children were just starting elementary school. Higher education wasn’t addressed in the settlement, and the child wants to attend a large, out-of-state school. The mother is balking at splitting the bill, and the father can’t afford the cost on his own. Had college-planning been addressed during the divorce, it’s possible the settlement would have allowed the father to put more money aside for college, says Mulcare, who started working with the father after his divorce.

Sort out credit card issues. Sometimes divorcing couples forget to seek their removal as an authorized user on the other spouse’s card. But this could impact the authorized user’s credit, if the bill isn’t paid or isn’t paid on time, West says. 

It’s also important for both spouses to check their credit profile with credit-reporting agencies. “It’s about being informed,” Klein says. “If you need to build credit, you need to build credit, but you don’t want that to come as a surprise to you.” 

She has a client who had been using credit cards for decades as an authorized user on her husband’s card. After the divorce, the woman, who had plenty of money, applied for a credit card in her own name and found she could only get a small credit limit because she hadn’t established a credit history. She had to pay for things mostly in cash until she was able to build her credit over time, Klein says. 

This can also be an issue if someone without much credit history wants to buy a house. Will the spouse be able to take out her own mortgage if she has no credit history? The person might need to get a loan from a family member, for instance, if she is fortunate enough to have one who can help, Klein says. 

Update beneficiaries. After divorce, many people forget to update—or think they don’t need to update—beneficiaries on life insurance, pensions, IRAs, 401(k)s, investment portfolios, medical and financial power of attorney documents, or small accounts they rarely look at, West says. They may also forget to update estate-planning documents. West says she’s seen this mistake happen on occasion and it can be costly, so she encourages clients to review their holdings and make beneficiary updates in a timely manner. “It’s definitely something we always tell our clients to do.”

Write to [email protected]

An error has occurred, please try again later.

This article has been sent to

  • Cryptocurrencies
  • Stock Picks
  • Market Brief Videos
  • Barron's Live
  • Barron's Stock Screen
  • Personal Finance
  • Advisor Directory

Memberships

  • Subscribe to Barron's
  • Saved Articles
  • Newsletters
  • Video Center

Customer Service

  • Customer Center
  • The Wall Street Journal
  • MarketWatch
  • Investor's Business Daily
  • Mansion Global
  • Financial News London

For Business

  • Corporate Subscriptions

For Education

  • Investing in Education

For Advertisers

  • Press & Media Inquiries
  • Advertising
  • Subscriber Benefits
  • Manage Notifications
  • Manage Alerts

About Barron's

  • Live Events

Copyright ©2024 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved

This copy is for your personal, non-commercial use only. Distribution and use of this material are governed by our Subscriber Agreement and by copyright law. For non-personal use or to order multiple copies, please contact Dow Jones Reprints at 1-800-843-0008 or visit www.djreprints.com.

3 women have been found dead in a Vienna brothel. A suspect has been arrested

  • Show more sharing options
  • Copy Link URL Copied!

Police in Vienna launched a criminal investigation after three women were found dead in a brothel, authorities said Saturday.

A witness discovered traces of blood outside the building, located near the Danube River, and alerted police on Friday evening. The bodies of the three victims had “cuts and stab wounds,” police spokesperson Philipp Hasslinger told The Associated Press.

A 27-year-old man was soon arrested in the vicinity of the brothel while carrying a knife, the supposed weapon. Police said the suspect will be questioned later Saturday.

Police found a fourth woman inside the brothel and she was being questioned by the police as a witness.

The identities of the three victims remains unclear. Brothels are legal in Austria.

Top headlines by email, weekday mornings

Get top headlines from the Union-Tribune in your inbox weekday mornings, including top news, local, sports, business, entertainment and opinion.

You may occasionally receive promotional content from the San Diego Union-Tribune.

More in this section

Nation-World

A teacher and 6 members of a religious congregation have been kidnapped in Haiti, officials say

Officials say six members of a religious congregation in Haiti and a teacher have been kidnapped while gathered in front of a school in the capital

Caribbean officials search for 2 people aboard a yacht they say was hijacked by 3 escaped prisoners

Authorities in the eastern Caribbean say they are trying to locate two people believed to be U.S. citizens who were aboard a yacht hijacked by three escaped prisoners from Grenada

New Jersey man acquitted in retrial in 2014 beating death of college student from Tennessee

A New Jersey man has been acquitted in a retrial in the beating death of a college student from Tennessee a decade ago

In this frame grab taken from body camera video provided by the Owasso, Okla., Police Department, an officer, hand at right, speaks to 16-year-old Nex Benedict, left, and their mother, Sue Benedict, at a hospital, Wednesday, Feb. 7, 2024. Sue says that Nex was knocked to the floor during a fight in a school bathroom earlier in the day. Nex died the following day. (Owasso Police Department via AP)

Vigil held for nonbinary Oklahoma teenager who died following a school bathroom fight

More than two dozen people gathered at an Oklahoma church for a vigil for Nex Benedict, a nonbinary teenager who died one day after a fight in a high school bathroom

The body of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny has been handed over to his mother, Navalny’s aide says

Liam Lazo boards a diesel school bus near his home, Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2024, in Virginia Beach, Va. Diesel exhaust from school buses affects one-third of U.S. students, their parents and educators each day. (AP Photo/Tom Brenner)

Tired of diesel fumes, these moms are pushing for electric school buses

Each day, around 20 million students in the United States ride to school in diesel-fueled school buses, exposed to clouds of exhaust linked to asthma and lung cancer

IMAGES

  1. Essay -The reason of divorce

    personal essay about divorce

  2. Divorce Reform essay structure

    personal essay about divorce

  3. DIVORCE AND CHILDREN Essay Example

    personal essay about divorce

  4. Causes and Effects of Divorce Free Essay Example

    personal essay about divorce

  5. Divorce Proposal Template

    personal essay about divorce

  6. Attitudes Toward Marriage and Divorce Essay

    personal essay about divorce

COMMENTS

  1. Should I Leave My Husband? The Lure of Divorce

    The Lure of Divorce Seven years into my marriage, I hit a breaking point — and had to decide whether life would be better without my husband in it. By Emily Gould, a novelist and critic, is a features writer for New York Magazine. Photo-Illustration: Erin Jang

  2. How My Parents' Divorce Affected Me: Personal Narrative Essay

    A determined, goal-oriented, intelligent, and hardworking young woman. Those times have also made me extremely stronger for later in life when I encounter those feelings again. I'll be able to handle them much simpler than most others.

  3. Personal Narrative Essay: My Life With A Divorce

    Personal Narrative Essay: My Life With A Divorce 1001 Words5 Pages I never thought this would have happened. Why did my life have to turn this way? Those were the thoughts in my head when I found out my parents were going to get a divorce. Why did it have to happen to me?

  4. 151 Divorce Topics to Discuss & Free Essay Samples

    16 min For those who are studying law or social sciences, writing about divorce is a common task. Separation is a complicated issue that can arise from many different situations and lead to adverse outcomes. In this article we gathered an ultimate list of topics about divorce and gathered some tips to when working on the paper. We will write

  5. Women write about their divorce experience. Why don't more men ...

    The past few decades witnessed a flood of personal essays and memoirs about divorce. Perhaps the most successful was Eat, Pray, Love (2006) by Elizabeth Gilbert, which has sold more than 12 million copies to date, and became a movie starring Julia Roberts.

  6. 'I was totally knocked sideways': readers share their stories of divorce

    Sarah Eberspacher and Guardian readers. Thu 13 Oct 2016 12.00 EDT. Last modified on Thu 13 Oct 2016 12.01 EDT. While I was totally knocked sideways by my husband's unexpected departure, I came ...

  7. Essays About Divorce: Top 5 Examples And 7 Prompts

    1. Divorce Should Be Legalized in the Philippines by Ernestine Montgomery "What we need is a divorce law that defines clearly and unequivocally the grounds and terms for terminating a marriage…

  8. PDF In this essay, I will discuss my personal life and how my parents

    In this essay, I will discuss my personal life and how my parents' divorce when I was 3 has changed me, along with the impact of my father's way of life on my own. By A. N. Barnes ENGL 3130 Fall 2017 Full disclosure: I did not want to write this essay. I am a very private person myself. I

  9. Persuasive & Argumentative Essays about Divorce: Free Tips

    8 min Updated: April 13th, 2023 Print Persuasive & Argumentative Essays about Divorce: Free Tips (41 votes) A divorce is a life-changing experience that affects spouses and their children (if there are any). Since divorce rates are relatively high in modern society, more and more people face this problem nowadays.

  10. Divorce Essays: Samples & Topics

    Divorce is a complex and deeply personal process that involves the legal dissolution of a marriage. It marks the end of a once-promising union and triggers a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to relief and newfound independence. Understanding the intricacies of divorce and its effects is crucial when writing college essays about divorce.

  11. In Marriage Money Was a Trap. After Divorce It Was My Freedom

    $10 for personal items. "How does that even work?" I said, too embarrassed to tell them tampons would cost more than $10 a month. "Even cheap shampoo costs $5, and..." I was also thinking about ...

  12. Should You Talk about Divorce in Your College Admissions Essay

    A divorce is a traumatic event for students of any age, so you want some distance between yourself and the divorce, enough that you can properly process its effects on your life. If your parents are recently divorced, it may be harder to gain the necessary perspective and clarity to write a strong essay.

  13. Personal Essays

    1. There Is No Set Path When my husband and I first separated, I became a Google queen. I searched for articles about divorce, grief and being newly single again. I wanted to handle my divorce in the healthiest way possible.

  14. An Honest Look at the Pros and Cons of Divorce

    Pros: Some people view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery, leading to a stronger sense of self and increased self-esteem. Tina told me that she felt she had finally ...

  15. 15 CoJ Posts That Made Me Cry

    15 CoJ Posts That Made Me Cry. One of my favorite things about the Cup of Jo community is that we can always count on readers and writers to make us laugh but also to show up for the hard stuff — think, divorce and grief — by sharing lessons learned and encouragements to take gentle care. Reader comments often remind me of something Cheryl ...

  16. Personal Narrative Essay: Surviving My Divorce

    Personal Narrative Essay: Surviving My Divorce. I've been blindsided twice in my life, literally and figuratively. The first time at age seven. A drunk driver hit me while I walked through a parking lot, and again at sixteen, when my parents divorced. The closeness of my family was the basis of our survival after the accident, and conversely ...

  17. My Experience of Growing Up with Divorced Parents

    Updated: 8 November, 2023 Growing up with divorced parents is no longer an uncommon occurrence anymore. The daunting statistic that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce is a very real number.

  18. My Family Essay: A Personal Reflection from a Child of Divorce

    When I think about divorce, the words that come to mind are separation, disconnect, and detachment. These words are exactly how I felt when my parents divorced. Not only did I lose having the ideal nuclear family that all my friends had, but I also lost a sense of myself. My mother filed for divorce from my father in 1999.

  19. Personal Narrative Essay : The Divorce Of My Parents

    Personal Narrative Essay : The Divorce Of My Parents When I was younger, growing up was not always the easiest thing. From a young age, I was faced with the difficulty of having divorced parents. Most of my friends did not have to go through this struggle, so it was hard to explain why I could not always hang out with them every weekend.

  20. Personal Narrative: My Experience With Divorced Parents Essay

    Personal Narrative: My Experience With Divorced Parents Essay. When I was five years old, my parents got divorced. Through the separation process, and some years after, my parents fought a lot. They sometimes brought my 2 sisters and I into it, which was really frustrating. Growing up with parents who are divorced has been a struggle for me ...

  21. Reflecting on Personal Views Regarding Divorce: An Opinion Essay

    Exploring Personal Perspectives on Divorce: An Opinion Essay. Divorce is a topic that has been at the center of many discussions and debates over the years. It's a life-altering event that can have profound effects on individuals, families, and society as a whole.

  22. Can you embrace deep joy amid rending loss?

    I wanted to use the experiences I had gone through — marriage, divorce, early motherhood — to write an account that could resonate with anyone, no matter what experiences they shared. You often take on very tough, personal topics in your writing — "The Recovering" (2018), for instance, deals with your own battle with sobriety.

  23. Can I write my personal essay about a divorce that affected me

    1 answer. [Avoiding my personal opinion, but a universal statement]: You can write your personal essay topic on anything!! From as little as an epiphanic moment where you watched leaves fall from an oak and related it you life in someway TO something as complex and serious as losing your home, experiencing the passing of a loved one, or, in ...

  24. Personal Narrative: Divorced Parents

    Personal Narrative: Divorced Parents. My parents divorced when I was about seven years old, and my mom became the custodial parent. As my younger sister and brother, and I could adapt to always going back and forth between our parent's. The challenging thing about having divorced parents is meeting their new significant other, which I have ...

  25. Free Essay: Personal Essay- Divorce

    Personal Essay #1 Both of my parents were in the navy, that's how they met and where they fell in love.

  26. Divorce Can Cost You. Don't Overlook These 8 Financial Matters

    Divorce Can Cost You. Don't Overlook These 8 Financial Matters. Divorces can be upsetting and complicated, but the aftermath can be worse if important financial details get overlooked.

  27. 3 women have been found dead in a Vienna brothel. A suspect has been

    Wife and her gun instructor get long terms in shooting of husband during divorce Jan. 31, 2018 Sauna equipment ignites two-alarm blaze in Midway District fitness center