Layla Kinjawi Faraj Wins Modern Love College Essay Contest

Layla Kinjawi Faraj’s essay “ My Plea for a Sixth Love Language ” is the winner of the 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest .

Ms. Faraj’s essay about how to make a home out of the internet was chosen from hundreds of moving submissions that spoke to these unprecedented times, submitted by students from colleges and universities nationwide. Ms. Faraj, a first-year student at Barnard College, will receive $1,000.

In addition to publishing her winning essay ( online now and in print on May 8), The Times will publish the essays of seven finalists throughout May and June.

On the contest and winning essay, Daniel Jones , editor of Modern Love , says:

“The surprise for me this year was how absent the typical college experience was from most of the entries — which shouldn’t have been a surprise at all. But given all the challenges students have faced these past few years, we judges were so impressed by the sophistication and emotional depth they brought to their essays.”

Miya Lee , editor of Modern Love projects, says:

“Places of higher education are frequently and, I think, aptly described as ivory towers removed from the world and its worries. While college education remains an immense privilege in the United States, this year’s entries proved that nothing is impermeable; nothing is truly separate from the wider world. This year, students expressed a keen awareness of the existential issues facing their generation (climate change, war), as well as a hopeful resolve to find joy, love and a way forward.”

The New York Times 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest Results

Layla Kinjawi Faraj, Barnard College, Class 2025

Lily Goldberg, Williams College, Class of 2022

August Singer, Reed College, Class of 2022

Joyce Juhee Chung, New York University, Class of 2023

Abby Comey, College of William and Mary, Class of 2022

Ife Olatona, Howard University, Class of 2024

Tatiana Jackson-Saitz, University of Chicago, Class of 2024

Kyleigh McPeek, Stanford University, Class of 2024

Learn more about this year’s Modern Love College Essay Contest here .

Explore Further

Jordana narin wins modern love college essay contest, malcolm conner of trinity university wins modern love college essay contest, modern love essay contest invites college students to submit personal stories on love.

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Searching For Meaning In 50,000 Essays About Modern Love

Dan Jones tackes the intricacies of love in book, Love Illuminated

“This is not rehearsed,” Dan Jones says into a microphone.

He’s standing in front of packed crowd in a small auditorium at the Santa Monica Public Library in Los Angeles. The group of 100 or so –which looks to have no shortage of New Yorkers in addition to locals – sucks on Sweet Tart candies; we’ve all been gifted with a pack, along with a Valentine’s Day card, as we made our way through the doors.

Jones, 51, is here to talk about his book, Love Illuminated , which takes on the least rehearsable subject of all (love). He is something of an expert (if anyone can be) having read 50,000 essays on the topic as the editor of the popular New York Times Modern Love column. Yet even after a decade immersed in tales of the heart, Jones isn’t here to offer advice (or answers) about what he calls “life’s most mystifying subject.” He is here to add an editor’s touch — and a wry sense of humor — to other people’s stories.

The book, like the weekly column, is not about Jones. And so instead of talking about himself up on stage, he calls up 12 members of the audience. Each is a one-time Modern Love essayist, and each has prepared a flash reading.

Hope, a writing instructor, explains that the ancient Greeks had eight different words for eight different kinds of love. “So why do we, caretakers of the planet’s international language” she asks, “expect a single generic monosyllabic word to carry so much weight?”

“What I’ll never understand about love,” explains Liz, an architecture professor, “is just how much of my experience of it happens against my will.”

Each of these presenters has written for the popular series: about maternal love, about looking for signs, about marital finance, about a health scare that turned out to be a blessing, about dating (and remarrying) after a divorce. There are at least 20 others in the crowd who’ve also written essays.

“The book was an attempt to figure out what I knew,” says Jones. “I felt like I’d been doing this column for years and years, and it’s the kind of work that you get lost in. These essays are pouring in, you feel like you’re immersed in it, and I feel like I was more marinating in love than mastering it. I was sort of… stewing in it.”

The Modern Love column started ten years ago somewhat by accident. Jones is a novelist, as is his wife; the column was first offered to them as a couple, after essays each had written about their domestic lives caught the attention of an editor.

Nobody turns down an offer to create a column for the New York Times. And yet, “I can’t say we thought it was the best idea,” Jones says. Who was the audience? What would be too risqué? How did you fact check a column about love, anyway?

And yet the essays began piling up, submitted each week by the hundreds. In the beginning, Jones tried to save them all: clipping each published one out from the paper each week, and sliding it into a protective sleeve; he still has dusty stacks of them on a bookshelf by his side of the bed.

But overtime, the physical collection became too much. And, who needed it? The column had grown into a cultural phenomenon. The actress Maria Bello, who hosted Jones’ book party in Los Angeles, used the platform to come out about her female lover. Dennis Leary’s wife, the novelist Ann Leary, wrote about picking up tennis — and a rough patch in their marriage that lasted for years. There has been an attempt to make the column into a TV show (it lost out to a reality show about Sarah Palin’s daughter), albums inspired by it, and anthologies of essays published. And, of course, pouring out one’s heart onto the pages of the New York Times has become a kind of writer’s right of passage not just therapy on the page, but a launchpad for book deals, films, and even future relationships. (There have been at least 37 books spawned from the 465 essays that have run so far.)

Some of what Jones has learned isn’t all that surprising: People still find love by meeting in the flesh; some find it online. Some treat their search like a job, while others happen upon it by chance. Online matchmaking hasn’t made the quest for love any less fraught. And yes, those OK Cupid algorithms do sometimes suck. (He and his wife of 25 years signed up for a dating site to see if they’d get matched with each other. They didn’t.)

But there is a certain wisdom that comes from reading the essays of thousands of strangers. He’s observed how our notions of love have changed over time: there is less incentive to commit and marry than there used to be (especially for women); love has become more about romance than necessity. He notes that a huge number of us (73 percent, according to a 2011 Marist poll) still believe in destiny, and that many of us still go out of our way to look for meaning in otherwise clinical online interactions. He observes how technology – while making matchmaking more accessible – has also made us painstakingly detached. “Acting aloof,” he writes, “is so common these days that sincerity and vulnerability, for many, can start to feel disgusting and unnatural.” (The term “stalker,” he notes, has been watered down to the point where confessing that you really like someone might qualify.)

There are sections on “booty texting,” “sending d**k pix” and “hooking up.” He speaks about the changes to the column topics over time (transgender issues, gay marriage, hooking up), the stories that really touched him (a couple who stayed married after the husband underwent sexual reassignment surgery) and those that drew the most ire (a woman who admitted in print that she loved her husband more than her children).

He’s heard all sorts of “rules” for dating: when to make the big reveal about bisexuality, or an STD, or a divorce, or – in one guy’s case – a single testicle. While a subject like spanking, for example, may not have been suitable for the Grey Lady at the start, “any sense of taboo or self-censorship has vanished.”

As you might imagine, as an editor of a column about love, Jones is frequently asked what he’s learned. But he has no desire to play guru (or therapist). He doesn’t claim to have any particular wisdom, other than knowing a lot of intimate, absurd, funny, and poignant details about a lot of different people’s love lives.

At the Santa Monica library, he pulls out a stack of heart shaped red rubber bracelets – a gag gift he’ll hand out to his guests, for Valentine’s Day. He bends the rubber around his wrist and holds up his arm. “It actually looks not unlike a sunburnt ass on your wrist,” he laughs. But, he continues: “An overexposed private part is what the Modern Love column is all about.”

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From ghosting to 30-year marriages.

modern love essays new york times

If there’s one thing the jury’s still out on, it’s millennial relationships . After all, we’re the generation that invented terms like “ghosting” and “Facebook official.” And while there are plenty of common threads throughout all romantic relationships, across history, there is something unique about love in a generation that has no clue how to unplug (or, you know, how to communicate in complete sentences anymore. Or in person. With eye contact.). To answer these burning questions, we’ve collected the Modern Love columns every millennial needs to read.

Millennials — anyone with a birthday between 1981 and 1996 — are known for a lot of things. Stacking up in the “ things the world hates about millennials column” we have: being obsessed with self-expression and using social media to prove it; being completely attached to our phones; and being more materialistic and less community-focused than the generations that came before us. On the positive side, we’re proving to be the most diverse generation by far. Many of us are actually quite civically and politically engaged, and we’re also reported to be the most educated generation in history.

If you’re not familiar with the New York Times ’ Modern Love column — a weekly essay series exploring the endless manifestations of human love and relationships: romantic, platonic, unrequited, familial, strained, and more — then consider this your brand-new crash course in modern relationships. Here are the 16 Modern Love columns that every millennial should read:

“Am I Gay Or Straight? Maybe This Fun Quiz Will Tell Me” by Katie Heaney

In "Am I Gay Or Straight?," one woman dives headfirst into the world of online quizzes, seeking the answers to her lifelong sexual identity questions.

Read it here .

“The Entire Netflix History of Us” by Tonya Malinowski

Writer Tonya Malinowski takes readers through the Netflix history (and Netflix-inspired memories) of her recently-ended relationship, only to discover that her ex has committed the cardinal sin of still using her Netflix login.

“He Made Affection Feel Simple” by Denny Agassi

Denny Agassi explores her dating life as a trans woman on Grindr , including one-night-stands with cis men she meets on the app and how one guy stuck around long enough to build intimacy, in “He Made Affection Feel Simple.”

“His Comfort Is Not My Responsibility” by Alexandra Capellini

In “His Comfort Is Not My Responsibility,” Alexandra Capellini, a medical student whose childhood cancer treatment included the amputation of one leg, ruminates on how much information about ourselves we should freely give to one another — and how much of it shouldn’t matter.

“How 30 Blocks Became 30 Years” by Ben Mattlin

Ben Mattlin’s essay, named for the length of the author’s marriage — and the distance his wife-to-be once walked on foot to see an Elvis Costello concert with him in the days before New York City’s public transit was wheelchair-accessible — is a testament to longterm relationships, as well as a subtle call for parity.

“How Lolita Freed Me From My Own Humbert” by Bindu Bansinath

In this Modern Love essay, Bindu Bansinath shares the irony of her much-older abuser buying her a coveted copy of Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita , and how that novel became a blueprint for her escape from her own cycle of manipulation and abuse.

“How to Stop Breaking Up” by Matthew Sullivan

An on-again-off-again bohemian couple keep finding their way back to one another in Matthew Sullivan’s “How to Stop Breaking Up.”

“Is There Something Odd About Being Single?” by Helen Betya Rubinstein

Why do we assume the other adults we meet will be partnered up? Is singlehood, as Helen Betya Rubinstein describes it, “a state people assume you are trying to flee,” particularly for “childless white wom[en] in [their] 30s”? And if so, what does that mean for those who are comfortable being alone?

“Learning to Lean In Together” by Paula Derrow

Let’s face it: Not many millennials have the financial comforts Paula Derrow describes in this essay. But the casualness of Derrow’s romance, and the long-distance finagling they do to make things work, will be ultra-relatable to anyone who has had to move where the jobs were, even it was where their partners weren’t .

“A Millennial’s Guide to Kissing” by Emma Court

After two college students lip lock on an overnight flight from Israel to the United States, they’re certain to never see one another again — until writer Emma Court seeks her in-flight kiss out social media.

“My Best Friend Is Gone, and Nothing Feels Right” by Jared Misner

A heart-wrenching look at what it’s like to lose loved ones during a global pandemic, Jared Misner’s Modern Love column recounts his relationship with his best friend, Alison, who died from Covid-19 at the age of 29.

“My Platonic Romance on the Psych Ward” by Jeannie Vanasco

If you’re a millennial, you probably have at least one friend who has spent time in inpatient psychiatric treatment. Maybe you’re that friend. In either case, you’ll find a lot to love in Jeannie Vanasco’s “My Platonic Romance on the Psych Ward.”

“Not Saying My Dog Is Cupid, but...” by R.L. Maizes

This tender little story is the perfect read for anyone who watched 101 Dalmatians as a kid and hoped their dog would someday play matchmaker for them.

“Race Wasn’t an Issue to Him, Which Was an Issue to Me” by Kim McLarin

Black writer Kim McLarin details her post-divorce relationship with a white man, giving particular focus to how each one dealt with racism in the United States, in “Race Wasn’t an Issue to Him.”

“Taking Marriage Class at Guantánamo” by Mansoor Adayfi

After spending nearly 15 years in the United States’ most notorious prison, Mansoor Adayfi penned this mournful tribute to a lost youth and the promise of a bright future.

“When Neither Male Nor Female Seems To Fit” by Claire Rudy Foster

If you are, or if you know, an AFAB person who now identifies as non-binary, you’ll immediately recognize the conflict Claire Rudy Foster describes in this powerful Modern Love piece.

This article was originally published on April 17, 2018

modern love essays new york times

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Two men use their arms to form a heart-shaped pose together. A third man squats in the center of the heart, smiles and raises his iPhone.

They Set Out to Find the Truth About Love. They Found Many.

“Excuse me, are you two a couple?” The Times hit the streets with the team behind Meet Cutes NYC, which captures microportraits of modern love.

From left, Victor Lee, Aaron Feinberg and Jeremy Bernstein run Meet Cutes NYC, which shares love stories from the streets of New York on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube. Credit... Calla Kessler for The New York Times

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By Stefano Montali

  • Feb. 14, 2024

On Spring Street in Lower Manhattan, tourists slide in line for a “cronut.” A group of 20-somethings play pickleball on a court nearby. Along the sidewalk, couples stroll hand in hand, squinting in the sun on an abnormally warm winter morning.

Out and about, too, are thousands of creators on the hunt for content. One team in particular, however, takes the (wedding) cake for most likely to capture your heart.

Jeremy Bernstein, Victor Lee and Aaron Feinberg run Meet Cutes NYC, which publishes microportraits of modern love on TikTok , Instagram , Facebook and YouTube . Each video begins with Mr. Bernstein asking, “Excuse me, are you two a couple?” as the team approaches a pair of unsuspecting sweethearts with their camera. “Would you mind telling me the story of how you first met?”

The romantic tales that follow offer a glimpse into love’s funny, and sometimes unpredictable, way of playing out: blind dates, first sights, second chances, airplanes, arranged marriages, May-Decembers, baseball games, book clubs, punk shows, past lives, summer nights, summer camps, sign language, funerals, dorm rooms, discos, dating apps, DMs, carwashes, karaoke, subways, sunsets, butterflies, pizzas, ice cream.

Three men stand outside in front of a couple. One man is carrying is holding his phone, another has his hands clasped in front of him, and a third is smiling at the pair.

The trio of 29-year-olds were not always romanticists, nor were they very active on social media. That changed when Mr. Lee and Mr. Feinberg, who met as children in Port Washington, N.Y., linked up with Mr. Bernstein, a friend from Mr. Feinberg’s childhood on the Upper West Side. Mr. Lee — who had the initial idea — was inspired by couples from his own life as well as his appreciation of man-on-the-street interviews.

In February 2023, they shared their first video , and now, a year later, they have 3.7 million followers — including Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Garner and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — across platforms, with viewers from countries as far as Nepal, Saudi Arabia and Australia.

On a recent Saturday morning, I joined Meet Cutes NYC as they interviewed couples on the street. We met at Ground Support, a cafe in SoHo, and after introductions, the trio set up on the sidewalk outside. “We like couples with coffee,” Mr. Bernstein said. “They’re more likely to say yes.”

photo

Calla Kessler for The New York Times

The team behind Meet Cutes NYC scout for couples on the streets of Lower Manhattan.

Lots of “noes” are often expected when approaching couples...

but Antonia and Eddie Renteria agreed to stop and share their story with the group.

I had been warned to expect a lot of noes over the course of the session (and that it could be tricky at times to tell if two people were actually together). But the first three couples to pass by agreed to do the interview. “That’s not how it usually goes,” said Mr. Bernstein, who now considers talking to random people second nature. He had spent the last four years selling renewable energy on the street behind a folding table.

In the project’s initial months, the three friends often dashed out of work during lunch breaks and on weekends to film videos. “We got a tip that we should post once a day” to maximize online engagement, Mr. Feinberg said, “so we tried to stick to that.”

Eventually, Mr. Lee and Mr. Bernstein transitioned to full-time content creation for Meet Cutes NYC. These days, they film about five times per week, sometimes as a trio, sometimes as a pair. And sometimes it’s just Mr. Bernstein, who has earned a bit of a reputation as the sole voice heard behind the camera. Passing by the group, a woman shouted: “Your voice is iconic!” Mr. Feinberg turned to me, smiling, and said, “He actually won ‘most distinctive voice’ in his high school yearbook.”

In each video, Mr. Bernstein tends to stick to a set of questions: How did you first meet? What’s your favorite thing about your partner? What’s the secret to X years together? Before settling on these, Mr. Feinberg said, they tried several different constellations of questions: “We even used to ask people’s star signs!”

That day in SoHo, Mr. Feinberg stopped midsentence several times, his eyes fixated on a potential couple, often across the street. “Funky hair” or “cool outfit,” he would say before dashing in between cars idling at a stoplight and calling out for Mr. Bernstein to meet him down the block. (“We always say we’re going to get hit by a car one day,” Mr. Lee said, laughing.)

Even after hours of interviews, only a few clips from each session are deemed fit for posting, Mr. Feinberg said. The natural hubbub of city streets — such as an ambulance’s sudden blaring siren — can instantly render an entire interview useless. “You become pretty sensitive to noise doing this job,” Mr. Lee said, as a saxophone wailed across the street.

The trio films a majority of their videos in Manhattan or Brooklyn, though in November, they traveled together to the United Kingdom. “Londoners were much harder to stop,” Mr. Lee said. “So many couples had met in a pub that we had to make a compilation of them .” They have also filmed in Spain in October and South Florida in December, and hope to make trips to other countries with many English speakers like India, Ghana and Singapore.

photo

Mr. Lee — who had the initial idea — linked up with Mr. Bernstein and Mr. Feinberg and shared their first video last February.

These days, they film about five times per week.

Jeffrey Williams, left, and Jordan Kiziuk stopped to share their story with the group.

Once shooting is complete, each team member independently sifts through the past week’s recordings (a Google Drive holds over 1,000 interviews) and then they meet on Zoom to present their favorites. If at least two of them agree to feature a certain couple, the final version is scheduled for posting.

The three work cohesively as a team, though Mr. Feinberg admits that there is a fourth, unofficial member who plays a role, too. “My mom gives me daily updates on what’s happening in the comments,” he said, smiling and showing a series of paragraph-long texts.

While they are grateful for all of the positive feedback they receive from viewers, a few responses, in particular, have emphasized how the impact of their work can transcend the online world into the real one. “One time,” Mr. Feinberg said, “a woman messaged us and explained that through watching our videos, she realized that she was in an abusive relationship and that what was happening wasn’t the norm.”

To end the day, I asked the guys, who all have romantic partners, if hearing stories about couples of all ages and in all stages has translated to any changes in their own relationships.

Mr. Lee, who has been with his partner for five years, said that the most useful advice often doesn’t focus on how to find love, but how to keep it. “It’s easy to fall into a routine and just sit on the couch,” he said. “So it’s important to never stop dating your partner.”

“There’s not one direct line to love,” Mr. Feinberg added. “Everyone needs something different from their partner.” And Mr. Bernstein echoed the sentiment: “We’ve seen open arrangements, long-distance relationships and everything in between.”

“In other words, there’s no one way a relationship should look,” he said. As one watches the spectrum of stories on Meet Cutes NYC, it’s quite obvious that this, like love, is true.

A Guide to Better Romantic Relationships

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Overwhelmed by dating apps, profiles and not-quite-matches? Here’s how to start fresh .

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Ignoring a partner in favor of your phone, or “phubbing,” can lead to feelings of distrust and ostracism. Here’s how to stop .

Fighting with your partner? These sentences can help you share grievances in a more constructive way . And here are the things you should avoid saying .

Managing libido differences  is a common part of relationships. Here’s some advice that may help .

Do you worry that you and your partner are growing apart? Here are simple but helpful questions to ask before it is too late .

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modern love essays new york times

Can the New York Times’ Modern Love Column Change a Writer’s Life?

On winning the "american idol" of aspiring memoirists.

Three years ago, I spent time at Hedgebrook, the writers’ retreat for women on Whidbey Island. By then, I’d learned that slipping my New York Times Modern Love credit into the conversation quickly established my bona fides with other writers. The column’s high profile and one-in-a-hundred weekly acceptance rate has put it on many a writer’s bucket list. But I was taken aback when one of the women in our group asked, “Did it change your life?”

It seemed a little silly to think a single essay could change one’s life. Yet I knew what she was asking: Had agents and publishers beaten down my door after the essay appeared? Modern Love, which began in 2004, has become mythic among aspiring writers—a literary equivalent to winning American Idol . The column’s longtime editor, Dan Jones, estimates that 50 to 60 book deals based on Modern Love essays have been struck to date. Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s recent essay, “ You May Want to Marry My Husband ,” prompted a lucrative film rights bidding war ultimately won by Universal Pictures.

My essay, “ A Measure of Desire ,” did not inspire such a dramatic response. Still, on the eve of my first book’s publication, five years after the essay appeared, I have to admit that Modern Love has indeed had a significant impact on my life and career. And having spoken to several other writers about their experiences, it is clear that I’m not alone.

Nicole Hardy told me that she never would have written Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin if Modern Love hadn’t shown her that there was a demand for her particular story . At the time, she had already published two books of poetry, but “no one in the industry knew who [she] was.” She didn’t know about the column or its influence, either. She had started to experiment with more narrative poetry and essays. When a friend said that one of the essays sounded perfect for Modern Love, she submitted it.

It was the right story at the right time. As Hardy understands it, “people want[ed] a peek behind the curtain” of Mormonism. Mitt Romney had announced his 2012 presidential bid, The Book of Mormon was about to debut on Broadway, and several abuse cases involving the fundamentalist Mormon Church were making headlines. As she put it, “Mormons were in the zeitgeist.” Still, she isn’t sure that she would have been brave enough to write the memoir if big agents and editors hadn’t asked her to. “I would have put it off,” she said.

“One of the reasons the column has a large readership in the publishing world is because we showcase the work of so many unknown writers who are telling their most important story,” explained Dan Jones. While there are many other venues for the personal essay, the idea that Modern Love features profound stories may be why the column has led to dozens of books. “Part of the power of Modern Love is also in its length,” Jones told me. “At 1,500 words, it’s just long enough to form a real narrative arc. Pretty often that story, if it’s rich enough, can also suggest a book-length exploration.”

Another writer, whose essay appeared in the early 2000s, is still sensitive about the ups and downs of her Modern Love experience (and requested to remain anonymous). “A fancy New York agent read it and sought me out,” she said. “She took me to lunch. She sent me home with a contract, which I signed within a week. I was totally living the dream.” But then the requests for revisions came. The agent wanted her to abandon the book of essays she intended to write to work on a memoir—“a somewhat dirty memoir, more sex than city.” She pushed back, and ultimately the agent dropped her unceremoniously by email.

“I was crushed,” the writer told me. As she slowly “uncrumpled,” she saw that the agent had been “someone to fantasize over, but not at all the right match for me.” So she kept writing. She reshaped her book again and again. Despite the initial false start, she holds that her Modern Love experience made a significant impact on her. “It showed me who I am as a writer, and how committed I am to my identity as an essayist,” she said. Over a decade after her Modern Love essay appeared, her “dream publisher for an essayist” will publish her collection.

Claire Dederer, on the other hand, was already an established writer when her Modern Love column came out. Her publisher encouraged her to write a piece to help raise awareness for her new book, Love and Trouble . She told me that she attributes the column’s prestige to the high quality of editing at The Times .

“Modern Love is one of the only places at the paper that features really personal writing, and it’s treated with the usual Times editorial rigor,” she said. “The purest feeling still needs to be contained in the structure of clear thinking and a well-made story. Precision is just as important in memoir and essay as it is in hard news, though as writers, sometimes we tell ourselves otherwise.”

As I experienced myself, Jones speaks with every writer before he accepts their piece. When I asked him why, he explained, “I have multiple goals: to verify the story, to learn more, to probe for meaning and context and clarity. Sometimes the best stuff in the essay comes from those conversations, and the connections and understandings they lead to.”

Getting my first email from him felt a little like new love itself—my heart fluttering and hoping this was “the one.” The turning point that would signal I was a writer who’d made it. When we had our conversation a few days later, it felt like a cross between a first date and a job interview; though our subject matter was intimate, I still wasn’t sure the piece would be accepted.

The calls are part of his overall personal approach to editing the column, reading and answering every submission himself. “I want people to submit not only their best work but also work that is deeply personal,” Jones said, “so I think it is important to respond and create a venue that writers can trust. This is a human business, after all.” He told me that when he was an aspiring writer, he sent his work out and often got no response. “I didn’t send back to those places. I don’t want writers to be treated that way or to give up.”

Initially, I wanted Modern Love to make me an overnight sensation. I didn’t realize that I was simply gearing up for a long and exhausting book-writing process. But I’m convinced the experience helped sustain me. Having such a committed and discerning editor take an interest in my work at the start of my career made me believe that I had promise and encouraged me to keep going. For a writer, that vote of confidence can change everything.

__________________________________

Andrea Jarrell’s I’m the One Who Got Away is available now from She Writes Press.

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Andrea Jarrell

Andrea Jarrell

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IMAGES

  1. Official Rules: 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest

    modern love essays new york times

  2. 2,000 Entries, 5 Winning Essays: Catch Up on the Modern Love College

    modern love essays new york times

  3. The New York Times' Modern Love column editor brings his insights to

    modern love essays new york times

  4. Amazon Prime is releasing a series based on The New York Times 'Modern

    modern love essays new york times

  5. How to Submit Modern Love Essays (Published 2010)

    modern love essays new york times

  6. 25 Modern Love Essays to Read if You Want to Laugh, Cringe and Cry

    modern love essays new york times

VIDEO

  1. Elizabeth Barlow Rogers, Writing the City: Essays on New York

  2. New York Manhattan Times Square Saturday #love #shorts

  3. Live From New York

  4. Introducing 'Modern Love: The Podcast'

COMMENTS

  1. 25 Modern Love Essays to Read if You Want to Laugh ...

    1. No Sound, No Fury, No Marriage Brian Rea By Laura Pritchett After her peaceful marriage quietly dissolves, a woman comes to appreciate the vitality of conflict and confrontation. 2. Sometimes,...

  2. How to Submit a Modern Love Essay

    We welcome essays that explore subjects such as adoption, polyamory, technology, race and friendship — anything that could reasonably fit under the heading "Modern Love." Ideally, essays...

  3. 'Modern Love Podcast': Our Favorite Oscar ...

    For more audio journalism and storytelling, download New York Times Audio, ... February 23, 2024 • 33:45. Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories ... Guest Essays ...

  4. In Love? Share Screenshots of Your First Digital Exchanges

    By The New York Times. Feb. 21, 2024, 10:32 a.m. ET. ... To find previous Modern Love essays, Tiny Love Stories and podcast episodes, visit our archive. Want more from Modern Love?

  5. Official Rules: 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest

    Feb. 16, 2022 Download the original document (pdf) Tales About Love to Nourish Your Soul The Cost of the American Dream: A physical relationship is nearly impossible for a hard-working...

  6. The Winners of the 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest

    WINNER Layla Kinjawi Faraj, Barnard College, Class of 2025, " My Plea for a Sixth Love Language " FINALISTS Lily Goldberg, Williams College, Class of 2022, " I Bet You Think These Songs Are About...

  7. Layla Kinjawi Faraj Wins Modern Love College Essay Contest

    The New York Times 2022 Modern Love College Essay Contest Results. WINNER. Layla Kinjawi Faraj, Barnard College, Class 2025. FINALISTS. Lily Goldberg, Williams College, Class of 2022. August Singer, Reed College, Class of 2022. Joyce Juhee Chung, New York University, Class of 2023.

  8. Tiny Love Stories: 'His Wife Invited Me Over'

    Modern Love in miniature, featuring reader-submitted stories of no more than 100 words. At the Hanoi orphanage, 4-month-old Leo would not meet my eye. Good! Leo's withdrawal suggested he was ...

  9. ‎Modern Love on Apple Podcasts

    344 episodes. For 18 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb ...

  10. A Family Dinner With My Wife and Girlfriend

    Modern Love can be reached at [email protected]. To find previous Modern Love essays, Tiny Love Stories and podcast episodes, visit our archive . Want more from Modern Love?

  11. 'Modern Love' Starter Pack: 8 Of The Best NYT Essays On Love

    The 8 Best 'Modern Love' Essays by Elizabeth Ballou July 13, 2016 Isn't it a fantastic feeling when you stumble upon a column that makes you think, "I can't believe I survived without these...

  12. ‎Modern Love: Author Read: Un-Marry Me! on Apple Podcasts

    Dave Finch reads his Modern Love essay, "On the Path to Empathy, Some Forks in the Road." To hear our conversation with Dave, listen to the episode: "Un-Marry Me!" ‎Show Modern Love, Ep Author Read: Un-Marry Me!

  13. Daniel Jones's "Modern Love" NYT Column Marks 15th Anniversary with

    The most popular, provocative, and unforgettable essays from the past fifteen years of Daniel Jones' s New York Times "Modern Love" column are featured in the revised and updated, media tie-in edition of MODERN LOVE: True Stories of Love, Loss and Redemption, on sale from Broadway Books on October 1 (also available as a trade paperback).

  14. Searching For Meaning In 50,000 Essays About Modern Love

    Searching For Meaning In 50,000 Essays About Modern Love 7 minute read Dan Jones tackes the intricacies of love in his book, Love Illuminated Adrienne Bresnahan—Getty Images By Jessica...

  15. How to Get Published in NYT's Modern Love Column, From 5 Authors Who Did It

    Modern Love columns have a sort of formula. The crux of the piece usually appears in the first line. The author changes/transforms as part of their journey, the sort of "I-thought-this-but-learned-this" structure. The best columns use humor and evoke emotion. Tell a compelling story A great essay hooks you from the very first sentence.

  16. 16 'Modern Love' Columns Every Millennial Needs To Read

    If you're not familiar with the New York Times ' Modern Love column — a weekly essay series exploring the endless manifestations of human love and relationships: romantic, platonic,...

  17. "Modern Love"

    I loved this book! Even as a lonely single person, all the stories about the different ways love can go (usually painful), made me feel less alone and totall...

  18. 'Modern Love Podcast': A Politics Reporter ...

    Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Reva Goldberg and Emily Lang. The show is edited by Paula Szuchman and Jen Poyant, our executive producer.

  19. Modern Love Column Submission Tips

    A book of many of the most popular columns, " Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss and Redemption ," which includes the essays featured in the upcoming Amazon streaming series, is...

  20. Modern Love, Revised and Updated: True Stories of Love, Loss, and

    Modern Love, Revised and Updated: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption: Jones, Daniel, Rannells, Andrew, Waldman, Ayelet, Rosenthal, Amy Krouse, Chambers, Veronica, Copaken, Deborah, Korelitz, Jean Hanff, Ellis, Trey, Hood, Ann, Kahn, Howie, Hung, Mindy, Cheney, Terri, Leary, Ann, Smith, Larry: 9780593137048: Amazon.com: Books Books ›

  21. Meet Cutes NYC Captures Manhattan's Love Stories

    On Spring Street in Lower Manhattan, tourists slide in line for a "cronut." A group of 20-somethings play pickleball on a court nearby. Along the sidewalk, couples stroll hand in hand ...

  22. Can the New York Times' Modern Love Column Change a Writer's Life

    Modern Love, which began in 2004, has become mythic among aspiring writers—a literary equivalent to winning American Idol. The column's longtime editor, Dan Jones, estimates that 50 to 60 book deals based on Modern Love essays have been struck to date. Amy Krouse Rosenthal's recent essay, " You May Want to Marry My Husband ," prompted ...